Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate with each other, starting with some foreplay. Before he fingered me, he put on a blue surgical glove, claiming that "down there is dirty and smelly" and he didn't want it on his hand. FML
Today, my boyfriend stuck his finger in my butt and I liked it, but I can’t ever tell him that or he’ll get that smug look on his face like, “I told you so, let’s have anal now.” FML
Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML
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Top comments
alexphyllis 5
Better make sure he washes his hands first from now on, especially if they're up his ass.
SerendipityRose 26
If you guys go as far as having sex, when he enters, you should say, "Huh, feels like my pinky finger."
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Comments (121)
eeeeeeee 5
Those two feel nothing alike.
marxistbkly 3
Have you fingered his asshole?
FaustXIII 0
Maybe they do. And now he can hold the threat of switching to the other team over her head. ;-)
capjack 2
A vj all silky smooth an ass tighter and rougher. How do I know? Ridden em both.
stuth186 7
How do you know? Have you felt the inside of his ass?
vrock 0
Unless she is ridiculously tight... And dry.
menja 29
Better question: did he finger the girlfriend, too?
alexphyllis 5
Better make sure he washes his hands first from now on, especially if they're up his ass.
PantyGAMES 10
This is even worse than the guy who said it felt like the scroll ball on his blackberry! If you remember this FML, you've been here too long, along with me
thesubconscious 9
I wouldn't want his fingers near me if he told me that...
romesh17fml 8
Hmm. That's a shitty finger
SerendipityRose 26
If you guys go as far as having sex, when he enters, you should say, "Huh, feels like my pinky finger."
ydi_4_suking 20
So his asshole feels moist and slippery?
aJaguarinRed 9
Something about this stinks, I can't put my finger on it, though...
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
45 maybe he uses a lot of lube.
MDTeddy 13
No offense but I think he is gay. Well, does it sound like it? Nvm. How can he not enjoy playing with a pussycat minus the cat?
SongzQueen2011 1
45 Or maybe she wasn't wet at all
JoeRogansBEARD 15
What what in the butt
higgy6969 7
No SHIT!
syley 5
Am I the only one who realized op was wrong? She WASN'T the first one he fingered! (he was)
NomNomMuffin 5
I think he's hiding something
Swedude 5
Well, not anymore.
ohSNAPyall 27
Lemmiwinks?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I was about to say that, 12. Lol, yeah, it's not hidden anymore!
Javalounge 0
I think he was hiding something.....up his butt.
Shenannigoats 16
Pfft. Doing buttstuff doesn't make you gay.
phatdaddy62 23
True True - I love anal play but am not, nor have I ever been, gay!
Fasterkill 6
Hey, if it feels good sticking your fingers in your butt, who are we to judge? It wasn't so long ago that masturbating was considered sinful and absolutely disgusting, but look at us now! Rubbing one out has many health benefits. I, for one, know that I'm at a lower risk for cervical cancer because I'm fap-happy. Hurry for enjoying our bodies!
Fasterkill 6
I meant 'hurray' but I guess my phone isn't as excited about self-love as I am. Shucks.
LemonandLime 13
Yeah, like the fact he lied about it being a first time. Pretty sure yourself counts somehow.
ImDominicanSMD 5
Lol u ugly...
greatdanen 6
but can you deny it?
QueenQuay77 10
What?
TheElderTROLLZ 15
Yes.
hotPinklipstick 24
A ****** should not feel like the inside of someone asshole, if it does they have problems; or they aren't wet enough. Either way it shouldn't happen. I'm curious as to how he would know that, it's not everyday a straight guy sticks his finger up is ass.
DjeePee 25
1) Yes, we can deny it. If your ass feels the same way as a ******, there's something very wrong with it. 2) I think you underestimate the amount of guys that stick things in their arse. It feels good for them, you know, having a prostate. So yeah, it's pretty everyday that a straight guy sticks his finger up his ass.
Llamacod 11
they are, relatively speaking, fairly similar in texture and feel being they are both mucus membranes. I find that usually the ol' brown eye is much uhh tighter than the fish taco but (again mucous membrane speaking) similar
DjeePee 25
When being fingered, a ****** is (hopefully) wet and soaky, while a butthole tends to stay dry. Not that similar.
emba_fml 13
...soaky?
sirpantselot 22
67- I'm so confused as to why you wrote ass twice and arse once. Please explain?
DKjazz 20
Yes, well, there's a lot we don't know here. A lot of men use lubrication in their personal sexual endeavors. Or, as you've mentioned, she might not be wet yet, in which case, they're doing it wrong.
noto_fml 0
You can cut the awkward with a knife. That's how dense that shituation got.
sirpantselot 22
Your comment was pretty pointless, but I do like the term "shituation" for when things go wrong. I might borrow it.
peoplearestupido 0
It's tense
ladyLALAA 29
Was it in tents, or out?
noto_fml 0
The comment was obvious. I'm pointing out just how awkward the situation was.... Come on FML commenters that was easy to thumb up.
ProhibitionRose 14
It's just as easy to thumb down.
SkoomaKi 28
Well OP....If he likes it up the ass, then it's up to you to penetrate this problem.
lexeous 4
10/10
onlychildFTW 34
I know some guys like small things up their ass. Because of the prostate it's like the male g-spot if you hit it. My ex girlfriend slipped a finger in once and it actually felt not to bad. This doesn't mean I'm going to go bending over for guys though.
epokryfky 0
Good answer
redreynard 14
Nothing suspicious here, I'm sure he was just checking his prostate.
Gregory607 1
That's exactly what he's doing because its the male g spot
TheElderTROLLZ 15
He's obviously been practicing
Vkins 9
I don't know what should worry you...that he had fingers up his ass or that he compares your vagooo with his butthole. :D
DogsPaw 16
Vagooo made me laugh.
TarieBoo 2
if OP really wanted to see some good in his comment she could think that since assholes are usually tight he was saying she was tight down there which means shes not a ****.....always look for the good in things
lilysmiles143 0
Lmao vagooo hahahah
SongzQueen2011 1
Seems like to me she wasn't even wet.
Fasterkill 6
The only way you'll encounter a loose kitty is if you prefer boning women with children. Giving birth stretches out the ****** permanently, but even then doctors will either sew you back up or it will return to near its original circumference. So, in short, having sex with plenty of different men does not make a female's love cave 'loose'. If that held any truth whatsoever, every sexually active woman would have a wind sock for genitals, depending on how frequent she has her mound pounded by her husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend.
vocaloidtiger 12
Well, if his fingers have been up his ass, there's no telling where else they've been. I'd have to agree with the first comment and suggest a hand-washing policy.
igive 29
let's hope he wipes.
WiderWille 11
Yeah, they could have been his nose up as well!