Close but no BJ
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a long blowjob and had to pause for a minute because my mouth became exceedingly dry. His solution? Spit directly in my mouth. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
Today, my boyfriend was making salsa and got jalepeno juice all over his mouth. A little bit later, he started going down me. He hadn't washed his mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were kissing. Halfway through the kiss, he rubs his tongue along all my teeth and says, "You need to brush your teeth." FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML
Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML
Today, I tried to tease my boyfriend by pulling my skirt up, bending over, and backing up into him. He gagged and said, "Please, wash your ass." FML
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
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Top comments
escape2music 0
try brushing your teeth?
OneandOnlyOne 0
Never ever offer to do it again. If he hints that he wants one, tell him his penis isn't clean enough for your mouth. He sounds like a REAL moron!
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Comments (85)
Victoria_fml 0
Too bad for him!
ananamoose 0
Two Baaa d4 hem
OneandOnlyOne 0
Never ever offer to do it again. If he hints that he wants one, tell him his penis isn't clean enough for your mouth. He sounds like a REAL moron!
Prawn_fml 2
I agree, refuse him if he wants it later, he doesn't deserve your services.
jaclynsmilesx 0
He must be gay, lol. Only a gay guy would say that...
rayrayIAIL 0
honest to God my first thought as well.... not that there is anything wrong with that. My life would be rainbowless without the gays
PrettyReckless20 6
Umm gay guys like that too. Lol guys will be guys , no matter who they like.
hawkloverr 0
Dump him. He's obviously a crazy.
oh_mi_shizzle 0
that's stupid of him... FYL your mouth was /gonna/ get dirty /when/ he put his dick in your mouth. I'm sorry, that's just lame... I've never met a guy who would is willing to reject a ******** for /any/ reason unless the person giving the ******** is not their sexual preferance... he's /not/ a keeper. and btw, on a more personal note try not to sexual relations with people unless your married... it's wrong...
I_found_nemo 0
Oh please. Remove your head from whatever orifice you've chosen to put it in and remove the archaic views from it! SEX IS NATURAL, regardless of marriage or commitment. Humans are going to have sex, it's in our nature to do so and a stupid ring on a finger and saying vows in front of god/a preist/whomever ISN'T going to stop it - why do you think all these little unwed teens keep getting knocked up? Don't preach what's wrong and right - your views differ VERY much from those of many, many other people all over the world.
SimpleSimon 0
I'll tell you what's wrong: Your grasp of the English language, as indicated by your spelling errors and bizarrely constructed sentences. Your beliefs are your own, telling other people they should adopt them too is presumptuous and offensive.
littlerock_fml 0
Wait. So you're not allowed to express your opinion, because people might disagree? Why are you allowed to give your opinion on things, and this woman isn't? You don't have to agree, but surely we're all entitled to our opinion.
Saoul_fml 0
Downranked for attempting to prove your point when it has nothing to do with the actual subject. As for the subject (so I don't look like a hypocrite) ...Damn, you must be nasty in the mouth for him to turn you down... Or maybe he doesn't know about basic biology yet and doesn't realize that his penis is just skin... it's not like it's a magical protrusion that is different than anywhere else. Theoretically, it is the same as kissing him... just a lot lower with more tongue.
SimpleSimon 0
Of course people are entitled to their opinions, but presenting your opinion to other people as fact and suggesting that theirs is wrong (factually or morally) is a sure way to piss people off.
un_loved 0
WOW, I reckon its a brilliant plan. Many people bitch and moan about abortion being illegal when we wouldnt need it if people could just try and use some self control, like abstaining until you find someone you want to raise a child with. "Look at all the unwed pregnant teens?" Whats that about? is that meant to be a reason why we should have sex outside of marriage? I mean how is that a good thing? wouldnt it be better to not have so many unwed pregnant teens?
monnanon 14
abstinence is not the answer
monnanon 14
Abstinence is not the answer because when has making something illegal, immoral ever stopped anyone. You cant just say to people you cannot have sex until your married or you cannot have sex til you are 16 and leave it at that because some (in fact the majority of people) will say "Its my choice to decide when I am ready to have sex" I do not think that kids as long as 11 and 12 should be having sex and i'm not sure what can be done to try and convince them otherwise but slapping a ban on it is not going to help. The only thing we can do is give more advice, more education on what contraception to use and hope that a bit more people listen. if people want to wait til after marriage to have sex for the first time then fair enough but saying that everyone should wait til after marriage is not going to stop underage sex or underage pregnancy
SimpleSimon 0
Wow... #115/116 - Somebody on FML made a well reasoned, correctly written argument. I for one didn't see that coming!
rayrayIAIL 0
though i cant say your opinion is "wrong" i can say it is closed minded and flat out ignorant. Abortion is considered a sin because in the bible, we are taught to go forth and multiply, which in bible times makes TONS of sense. That supposedly took place when the population was low, infant mortality was high and many babies were needed to ensure the survival of the family name. However, suggesting that abortion should be illegal and people should keep it in their pants is just flat out ignorant and unRealistic. Do you have ANY idea how many women died as a direct result of abortion's illegality? Women died every day because they had a choice, deny the authority figure (man) and be beaten or considered worthless, or get pregnant again and die because their bodies couldn't take it anymore. Not to mention the thousands of children who starve and die because their parents can't afford them. condemning abortion is simply encouraging the growth of an already exploding population of economically lower class citizens who have no way of changing their situation or advancing in society because rather than flourishing they struggling to simply survive. think about it.... if Suzy hadn't kept that baby maybe should would have graduated, gone to college, done something. Instead she is working part time at the Gas Station down the street, smoking a pack a day, married to a man who hits her and is ******* her daughter's babysitter. (dont take offense please, just an example) Read a book and actually educate yourself on the subjects of abortion, birth control, economics and hell maybe even world (Or American) history before spouting off ignorant albeit "righteous" personal beliefs in a public forum where people can call you on it. OR you can keep doin' what you're doin' and put that blind fold back on, I'm sure you'll sleep better at night.
Lunelle_fml 0
AMEN! ...wait I totally agree, keep your religious beliefs to yourself please.
lilkim_fml 0
Well spoken #25... well spoken... but.. #22 Why/do/you/use/all/these/all/the/time?/It/creeps/me/out/!!// /// // /
mackmillydilly 0
^^ This.
letitbe56 0
Maybe he was trying to cover for a problem of his own? Has he been tested or anything? Otherwise...he sounds like a weirdo.
plexico 4
That's what I was thinking. I can't imagine kissing a mouth that is too dirty to suck my dick. Maybe he has a disease like herpes or genital warts, or maybe he has a deformed penis, or a uni-ball. I could be that his dick is really, really small, or like the guy with the hydrochloric acid, it is so huge that she would just laugh at its ridiculously absurd enormity. Red Flag!
sublime93 0
"uni-ball" LMFAOOOO! I ******* love your comments they're hilarious
Juggalokid420 1
im guessing your boyfriend was dropped as a baby
sorini 0
The guy was probably joking or was not into ********. It's silly to refuse, but... On a sidenote, the penis is approximately 20 times cleaner than the interior of a mouth. The mouth inhales air every moment of your life and food passes through it. Not to mention the nails and dirt on your fingers. The penis is in underwear, keeping it away from air, dust and any other form of dirt. If you wash and clean clothes, the part covered by underwear is the cleanest part of the human body.
Skull_300 0
I wish you sat next to me in ******* Science class!
weeeeeener 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
islaphippos 0
he's an idiot. nothing else to say, it's not even an option to stop a *******