Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML
Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
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Top comments
angelitared 27
Well show him who's boss next time!!
dovahconn 12
You kinda had that coming for you
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Comments (98)
spillthebeans101 4
Ouch. Mouth diarrhea. Ask him what he means and work on it. Good luck op
kakakarotcake 17
That may be a hint to move around and not let him do all the work
olpally 33
Start moving around like a wild animal op! Lol
Nickb55 16
Then tell him that you wont havr sex anymore of he doesnt appreciate you, and this shocking statement is coming from a guy
iAlissa 34
Appreciate her? Something tells me there isn't much to be appreciated. Guys want the girl to do work, too.
Nickb55 16
Well obviously yeah but if she was trying her best they need more practice
xerbrus 14
exactly guys that have been around the block aren't completely pleased just because we got some pussy it has to be fun
FracturedMinds 21
Saying that if he complains never have sex again and practice getting better are two contradicting statements.
Nickb55 16
My point is that if he wants her to have sex with him anymore, do it until she gets better instead of scolding her
FracturedMinds 21
That i agree with. The only way to get any better is to keep at it while trying to get better.
HammyBear13 8
He wasnt scolding really. She had an opinion on his sex and he gave an opinion back. Its called communication, what a concept.
sohigh10 34
she gave him a compliment and he insulted her.. I don't get why they can't communicate until the occasion arises that they can make their partner feel like shit..
crissalove 22
Then show him how alive you can be ;)
RadikulRam 16
"... I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed." Am I the only one that sees this as a compliment?
xerbrus 14
if it was said jokingly there isn't much of a compliment
goldenchocobo25 2
I still can't get past a Canadian being mean. What's that aboot, eh?
Fou_Lou 20
Dont be a dead animal in bed. Just talk with him over it why he thinks that way and what he whishes to change.
Smoothiemuch 8
Lol! But yeah, guys do expect us to be wild too.
Nmaredia 4
Maybe he should date a redhead instead