Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML
Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML
Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
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Top comments
hockeychicl003 6
maybe your mustache felt like whiskers
pandachic27 9
Wait so does that mean his cat gives him oral?
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Comments (105)
hockeychicl003 6
maybe your mustache felt like whiskers
Migole 36
This actually made me laugh out loud. Good one :D
StalkerChick 13
An extremely dry mouth and rough tongue.
onorexveritas 24
or the purring
teyyoshi 19
and a rough hand
FalaFala 8
That made my day :D
Osito2011 9
It was a mixture of morning breath, dry mouth and plaque tongue.
tsent8 15
Nah he just wanted pussy.
jdm_powered 6
Alrighty then.
pandachic27 9
Wait so does that mean his cat gives him oral?
redbluegreen 41
Only after spending the night together.
jarockstar27 10
Thats exactly what i was thinking....that cat is talented....in a creepy sort of way....
MrSassypants 34
You should see how awkward it is when OP wakes up and says "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my girlfriend." He then asks the cat to continue.
YoungMisfit 9
Just so much pussy down there
lambda_fml 40
He is into pussy...just not the type you might think. ;-)
redhedsaysrawr 18
"DAMMIT FLUFFY, NOT AGAIN!"
hipsterhunter 9
Story time! A friend of mine used to babysit a two-three year old whose dog had some weird obsession with male genitalia. The dog once ripped the baby's diaper off and before he could run, proceeded to lick his penis, which the kid quickly realised felt good. He started pulling off his diaper all the time and calling the dog over to get it to give him oral. Poor girl had no idea how to tell the parents that their dog was sucking off their son.
SixthSinEnvy 39
@93 I think I laughed harder at your story than the actual fml.
wagne057 6
Sounds like somebody has a ********** fetish.
sens3sfailing 25
didbyou miss the part where he shouted OH MY GOD? I didnt see him telling his kitty to keep licking...
robo_thunder 13
it could have been an OH MY GOD of joy when he thought it was his cat. but lets hope not.
SandiRainbowFish 20
#5: I know most people have a problem with **********, but most zoophiles truly love their animals. ********** is generally forcing the animal to have sex, or forcing yourself upon it, but zoophilia is the gentler version where the animals can do what they want and they aren't -forced- into anything. I know I'm going to get a ton of shit for this comment simply because I'm different, but I'm tired of hiding it. I just want people to stop being so ignorant (not saying #5 was) about sexual attraction to animals. It's not like we can help it. And it's certainly not ALL animals, either... Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
nublets 12
At least you didn't get a knee to the face, Also it might be time to shave your face.
AznSamoan52 10
So his cat regularly does this to him when he sleeps? That's concerning.
howdeedoo 22
No, it just means that he might have been having a very strange dream
Enslaved 38
Yep! That's the reason the boyfriend shoves tinsel down his boxers?
astoryofroses 9
kinky
heartemopants 18
Am I the only one curious if OP continued?
ohSNAPyall 27
Yes.
deltoramastr 12
Nope not at all
khan7864u 4
Hes an asshole for doing tht, i wouldnt mind waking up to tht kind of fun,
DontClickOnMe 28
I don't think that makes him an asshole. He just wasn't expecting it so he was caught off guard.
lolfood 24
Cn u pls not tlk lyk dis?
SillyGirl4602 23
You really had to spell "that" like tht? I don't think he is an asshole. It was the first time that they spent the night together. He probably thought it was the cat because he isn't used to waking up to her.
ICastillo 25
Dang were clawing at him and biting with sharp little pointy teeth?