Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML
Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
angelitared 27
Well show him who's boss next time!!
dovahconn 12
You kinda had that coming for you
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (98)
angelitared 27
Well show him who's boss next time!!
Vagitarian1 10
Don't be afraid of enjoying yourself. You gotta lose those deep-rooted inhibitions.
PipingMouse 14
Your the king of the jungle, not him!
IceKelp 4
You're*
killinpoptarts 9
Speaking from experience. Some girls think they are good but literally just lie there. You have to learn to move around a little
142_cats 13
You need to move around and get some.... other stuff happening as well. But at least he's still with you even if you don't move around much.
Vlen_fml 20
women give the limp fish treatment all the time, whether they're experienced or not. it's generally not appreciated, but i understand why they do it: they think because it works when a man is still on bottom its works for them to be still on bottom. just doesn't work that way.
dovahconn 12
You kinda had that coming for you
MidnaLink 35
Well, now you know you need to move around!
PipingMouse 14
Like a worm, a wiggly worm.
Enslaved 38
"Wiggle it, just a little bit."
Kamon97 23
Well next time you better have the eye of the tiger ;)
XSeraphinX 18
Let him hear you ROAR!
juan3611 14
#46 and then the cops show up for domestic violence :(
warsun 27
#46 haha I was thinking of another song "cause it's the..... Eye of the tiger it's the thrill of the fight" and so on
tforbes3 1
Well next time just leave major claw marks on his back. He wont be able to say that again.
MidnaLink 35
I don't think hurting the boy is the answer…
Zwingend 15
Your description little harsh but I like the idea to show him how much you like it through actions rather than words.
ThatPlankton 15
Some people like it rough. ;)
WhatsOpTic 11
Well maybe you should actually act like you enjoy it. Unless you don't then tell him. But when a girl just lays there its like its a chore. It's a turn off.
PipingMouse 14
Maybe the guy is no good at what he's doing?? I mean, it's happened before. I sure wouldn't want to fake it.
Dthsapprntc 23
Maybe he's not any good at what he is doing because she isn't giving him any feedback? He can't get better if he doesn't know what he is doing right or wrong. It does take two to tango after all. But the again, she did call him an animal...
darthjulez 11
My boyfriend doesn't seem to care ;)
Pat77235 8
#63, he's not thinking about you sorry
WhatsOpTic 11
Maybe he wasn't good? Then why did she say he was an animal? That's usually a compliment.
rg350dx 29
Jokes on him. He's the necrophiliac.
worldclassrager 41
Show him up be an animal...
gracehi 33
Like a freshly dead animal? You twitch? Or like a long dead animal? You stink? Yeah, you must stink in bed.
iAlissa 34
If you keep lying there like a unmoving sex doll, he's going to stop having sex with you all together. Start making it enjoyable for him, too. Do some work!
klorehore 24
yeah, you hear all the talk how the guys needs to do this and that to please their partner, while the girls pretty much need to just show up naked. It's massive bs, us girls need to put as much effort and work into sex as the guys. That's when it gets good and enjoyable for both parts.
OscarDV 8
Preach it, ladies!
iAlissa 34
I'm not a sexpert, but it takes about the IQ of a marble to figure out that to make the experience enjoyable on both parts, both put in an equal amount of effort. :)
KJBanx 7
I'm sorry, but any girl that claims equal effort is kidding themselves (not that this is a bad thing, it's just sorta how it goes)
iAlissa 34
Everyone's experiences differ.
Hiding_from_you 2
If you think so, you've only slept with boring women.