Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep on my shoulder. He then ripped a nasty fart. I exhaled slowly but apparently loud enough that it woke up my husband who promptly screamed directly in my ear, before screaming a second time when he smelled the fart as well. The worst part is that also he scared my cat off my lap. FML
Today, I was looking after my parents house and their wiener dog, and fell asleep on the couch. The dog climbed onto my shoulders and rested behind my head like a doggie neck pillow. All was great until she farted right in my left ear. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML
Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML
Today, while I was sleeping, apparently I rolled over towards my fiancé and told him "We gotta save the turtles!" and had a five seconds long fart. Now he won't stop making fun of me. FML
Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML
Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML
Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML
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Top comments
McMike10 1
Maybe he thought you looked fetching
saintdalman 4
Do you do tricks with peanut butter too?
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Comments (130)
McMike10 1
Maybe he thought you looked fetching
xoconnie 8
MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST STOP FARTING WHILE YOU SLEEP. thats quite gross. and at least he didnt compare u to a dog... oh wait he did! HA burn.
TripOnShoelaces 0
Fail Troll is fail.
MissBunnyWillEat 11
7- Maybe you should shut the hell up you illiterate piece of trash.
fakeaccountX 6
Sounds like your husband can be a real pussy.
LiveLaughFML 10
awe, is the dog cute? ;)
enonymous 9
Don't forget when he puts peanut butter on his balls you're all over that
DrIDGAF 7
As long as the dog isn't a pitbull, you're ok
Keyman1212 14
Almost all dogs fart in their sleep then scare themselves awake.
ifailplzinsultme 0
7- Yes because we're all magical and can force ourselfs to not fart in our sleep. And all caps doesn't do anything positive to your comment. It actually makes us think you're a dumbass.
yamatelle 19
7- What do you expect her to do? Buy an ass-cap? I don't think that's a good idea because if her fart is strong enough, the cap might bust out and break anything nearby. That gives a whole new meaning to bust a cap in your ass.
enonymous 9
35 - Why not BP did it.
xoconnie 8
thanks everyone for hating on someone through the internet... i hope u feel better about yourselves now (:
enonymous 9
39 - We do.
xoconnie 8
good one 40. looks like i lost this battle lmao!
yamatelle 19
enonymous, you're right, but if OP's ass was leaking, then the ass-cap might just work. What if OP's farts are stronger than Hurricane Katrina? What do you suggest she uses?
krazy_glu3 0
Wonder if OP also does that running thing in her sleep like the dogs do....
enonymous 9
52 - I usually turn on any old Billy Mays infomercial in this case... Mighty Putty.
777buddy777 0
Pitbulls r awesome
Georgieeporgiee 9
Is his dog a female dog? Yanno, a bitch?;)
woahbro2slow 0
ew. OP is a girl? girls dont fart.
fatgirllovesfml 0
Divorce Her.
enonymous 9
89 - how is she going to divorce a non existent wife? Wait unless she hooks up with a chick like on a cinemax movie then divorces her for an even hotter chick... I like your thinking
dre_bro11 12
50, you lost the battle before you started.
GlitteryMasakali 1
89 - you will ******* squish people to death...cause you is a fat bitch!
lawlwhut 5
Joke....
cameron194 9
an accurate one at that lol
ArcadePie 10
Nice shirt...
cameron194 9
suck a dick..
seanders 10
57 you like you're the one who sucks dicks around here.
Feklfekl2222 32
I really hope he likes dogs
GlitteryMasakali 1
Maybe your farts are trying to communicate with you?
fmlikecrazy 0
Is it a pretty dog?
Zareen 0
Best FML ever... HILARIOUS
saintdalman 4
Do you do tricks with peanut butter too?
Ryley1 0
Well she might turn tricks but I bet she charges more than a jar of peanut.
caester9 0
Hahaha and what's he like in his sleep?
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
You ask that like its normal to fart and scare yourself while sleeping
zojieeu 6
May u know what are the movies you had been?
demarcusT 0
Dog: won't nag, very cost efficient Wife: makes better sandwiches, sex Hmmmm
farhil 14
What? You can't have sex with dogs too? Oops...
sadistmonkey 19
Dogs don't nag? Since when?
fatraptorjesus13 9
dogs don't nag all u gotta do is be a decent owner feed it let it use the bathroom and if it's big run or play fetch with it...I've never had ANY dogs "nag" idk how you treat yours
ShyAnn29 15
14 that's just nasty!!!
moshipoo 0
49- I've found that works with women too.
RainbowHeadache 2
51 you're only saying that because you're a cat.
Tymax 0
Y U No Spell Anonymous Right
skata 4
because the username anonymous was already taken
GrammarNazzzzzi 6
.........smh!
enonymous 9
I have issues with vowels.
Lexi_Ray 5
I would go get that checked, if you fart loud enough to scare yourself awake then those must be some explosives farts 0.0
urlifesuksFML 0
Worse than my brothers i Imagine :{o
seeb49 7
Does he wake up too? Because that probably pisses him off.