Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
Today, I was laying with my girlfriend on the couch. I looked at her and said, "You're so beautiful. How did I ever get you?" She replied, "I was drunk." FML
Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML
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Top comments
macystar 14
Well, look on the bright side. Technically you're still a virgin. So she can still be your first.
TheAlchemist22 9
oh my god you poor soul
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Comments (95)
TheAlchemist22 9
oh my god you poor soul
poncho55 40
Your comment is 10 million times better coming from Edward Elric.
DarksideDoll 31
Doesn't matter. Had sex.
dachayke 16
What does matter is that you're thread jacking.
Catkam623 27
Does anyone else think this sounds extremely like blue mountain state?
macystar 14
Well, look on the bright side. Technically you're still a virgin. So she can still be your first.
ManaComa 7
After seeing him make love to the couch, she won't be wanting him any time soon.
FangirlingAlways 14
Well maybe she won't remember. She was a bit drunk.
buttcramp 21
yeah and at least it felt good, right?
girlrome 19
Couch doesn't count.
badluckross 21
Doesn't matter had sex?
RpiesSPIES 27
If sex with a couch counts, the I guess Iii--ther people wouldn't be virgins, anymore...
Kyuzomi 12
That's pretty funny. Just laugh it off, don't think too much about it. You could think that at least it was her couch, so you lost it to something of hers.
Morqan_Freeman 14
"Uh yeah I lost my virginity to Couch. She was really nice, didn't complain except for a few squeaks and did I mention how soft she was?"
killinpoptarts 9
More cushion for the pushin... Quite literally
laurenasabutton 26
Was it as good for you as it was for the couch?
sterling1113 15
Guess what I'm gonna be thinking of every time I hear "**** yo couch." It's okay OP. You were intoxicated, and you'll laugh about it later. :)
carbivore 10
Is that a saying?
misicblaster 12
Yes. Yes it is. It's like just saying '**** you' but it's used as more of a joke you would say to a friend. At least that's how I've heard it used.
smokecloud_ 37
Dave Chapelle. Rick James. **** YO COUCH!! Dammit I need my cable back.
ada0 1
I'm sure worse things have happened, dont let it get to you :)
Lang88 13
At least you finally lost it. Look on the bright side.
girlrome 19
Lost his mind, you mean? Because it can't be his virginity you're talking about.
xxwhyxx 9
At least there was cushion for the pushing
zaise_chsa 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
So what you're saying is that you raped a couch?
PenguinBitch 44
Not if the couch liked it.
hotPinklipstick 24
Crap I replied to the wrong comment. Thumbs down :(
gracehi 33
You know how they say "Don't drink and drive?" Well, don't drink and bone.
AFCCT 7
As a guy, I can say booze helps us gents last longer. With whiskey dick and all.. As a girl, you should appreciate that
HopelesslyCiara5 19
Not unless she's a lesbian.
DanielleinDC 34
If you can rise to the occasion. Some guys can't after they've had a bit too much to drink.
gracehi 33
I take it no one else here is familiar with the movie "Knocked Up." I think the name says it all.
hotPinklipstick 24
Thumbs up for the Knocked Up reference.