Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML
Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
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Top comments
angelitared 27
Well show him who's boss next time!!
dovahconn 12
You kinda had that coming for you
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Comments (98)
gracehi 33
I think it was more the way he communicated that makes him a jackass. He could have said something like, "It doesn't seem like you're very into it when we make love. It sure would be nice if I could get some enthusiasm from you." It means the same thing, but it's a much less hurtful way of saying it.
noreia 14
well at least he's witty... it wasn't a nice thing to say but maybe you should give it a thought and try to give feedback while you're with him... guys usually aren't very intuitive let alone clairvoyant and once you start responding and letting go you might be surprised about how much more fun it can be...
cameronhollywood 2
Should we be concerned about what he does during hunting season
Alastor13X 8
Wow, that was a mean and snippy come back! Made me genuinely laugh. I agree with most other posts about showing him who is boss. I would accept it as a challenge, then destroy said challenger! NO MERCY! NO REGRETS!
Ishilied 11
So... You're both mallards?
ashtic 20
It really shows when people don't watch **** ;P We all need to participate to make it great ;)
itooamscrewed 10
He's telling you you're a dead fish. Aka try doing something, moan, thrust your hips, anything but lie there and stare at him
cchuckcloninger 5
Sounds like you have some changes to make.
Larsh 4
At least you know what to work on. It's actually good that he told you now you can improve and you'll both enjoy it more
hazardmuffin 21
Sex is something done WITH someone else, not something someone else does to you. Try to participate more than just lying there. If you don't know what to do, ask your boyfriend what he likes in bed and what he's not liking about the sex you have now. Communication is super important in intimate relationships.