Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML
Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
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Top comments
angelitared 27
Well show him who's boss next time!!
dovahconn 12
You kinda had that coming for you
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Comments (98)
HammyBear13 8
I dont understand why people are saying hes a jerk. She stated an opinion on his sex actions being animal-like, and he replied with his opinion of her sex actions being that of a dead animal. Sounds like communication to me. Im more worried about how either of them know what its like to have sex with an animal......especially a dead animal.
ileenefudge 29
It's how he said it. Yes he's communicating, but there are better ways to say things like that. especially when told something like him being good in bed to boost his ego. The way he responded was messed up because how he said it, not because he was communicating with her about it
HammyBear13 8
So we complain about lack of communication, and we complain about having communication? Well, no wonder humanity isnt very humane anymore. The world is full of depressed asshats who are never happy.
sporkadork 7
Tell him that the animal you had in mind was a sloth. But seriously, try being on top next time. It can get frustrating for guys if they feel like they always have to do all the work.
buenhombre 9
Take it as a a challenge :p
merik225 14
It's all ***** and giggles till someone talks shit about your bedroom skills.
kakakarotcake 17
How dare op's boyfriend communicate with her about their sex lives like civilized people. savages
JMichael 26
Next time show him how wild you can really be!
gc327072 31
"Ah, but you see my dear, we may be lambs in the kitchen, but we are tigers in the bedroom!" "Eww mom gross!"
icepick23 12
YDI for being boring in bed (unless you are hot, in which case it's fine).
NodakN8V 25
Every action comes with a reaction
Death69 24
Well...You never told him what type of animal he was. So now that you know how he feels...Perhaps he's a Gerbil?
kakakarotcake 17
gerbils get it on like there is no tomorrow. so that's more of a complement.