Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, my husband compared me to his parents' dog. Why? Because when I sleep, I fart and scare myself awake. Just like his parents' dog. FML
Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML
Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML
Today, I tried to seduce my boyfriend so I mounted him and began kissing him. He immediately pretended to snore into my mouth and rolled over, making me fall off of the bed. FML
Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML
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Top comments
angelitared 27
Well show him who's boss next time!!
dovahconn 12
You kinda had that coming for you
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Comments (98)
yeti37 16
Stop playing opossum.
Goblin182 27
When your cable goes out you get bored. When you get bored you call your boyfriend for sex. When you have sex with your boyfriend while your cable is out you think about the shows you are missing. When you think about the shows you are missing you forget to respond to your boyfriend. When you forget to respond to your boyfreind he says you are like a dead animal in bed. Don't be like a dead animal in bed. Get Dish.
ileenefudge 29
I really thought you were going to say get comcast at the end like all these type of commercials say. What a plot twist! :)
smokecloud_ 37
I see these commercials for DirectTV. Must be different in other locations. Anyways, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Goblin182 27
I just don't really pay attention to the products a lot of commercials are selling.
perdix 31
You're like a dead animal in bed, and yet he's still your boyfriend. You're lucky to find one guy into both ********** and necrophilia. Jackpot for you!
Goblin182 27
Into ********** and necrophilia? So its the girl from Twilight.
PipingMouse 14
Were you more like a possum or a raccoon?
StompinOnCrayons 15
Well, don't be a dead animal, be lively
oooohmygosh 8
Liven up your sex life!! But with someone else. There are other ways to discus performance. He didn't need to be a jerk about it. Move on to big and better things.
grgnyce 8
Time to step up your game, OP!
SamanthaNGoree 10
Looks like it's time to step up your game.
weveallbeenthere 30
let loose and have fun.
HJKM_fml 19
Maybe he was joking as well?