Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend on the back bumper of my car. After he finished he told me he felt like he was riding a seahorse. FML
Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is." Orgasm gone. FML
Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my boob, shook it savagely, and shouted "Earthquake!" FML
Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML
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Top comments
gusgus36 5
awkward. I'd be mad at him cuz that's really embarrassing. but hey. at least you did have an ******.
RedPillSucks 33
Ask him how many sea turtles he's been having sex with in order for him to gain this knowledge. Tell him that he probably needs to be checked for turtle aids, and that from now on, you're going to use a sea cucumber to please yourself.
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Comments (89)
MustBeFirst 0
first
marinus_fml 20
Congratulations mofo.
MustBeFirst 0
Thank you
marinus_fml 20
You don't learn do you. Obviously you have or have had another account in the past, probably banned for being an idiot like this. Great job.
gusgus36 5
awkward. I'd be mad at him cuz that's really embarrassing. but hey. at least you did have an ******.
addohm 0
blondes generally are; they're typically oblivious to reality.
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
turtle sex is hot. it's a compliment
seanders 10
Wow usually the girls are posting that their boyfriends can't give them one.
Siren2 0
We need optimist. They are crucial to the "screwing people over" environment here in the USA. Note: Blonde jokes and references to intelligence via hair color are idiotic.
sourgirl101 29
Q: What does a dumb blonde and a turtle have in common? A: When they're both on their backs, they're screwed. Sorry, I'll stop with the corny jokes now.
pepelapew 0
gusgus is hothot
elghs2001 0
gusgus found a pic off the Internet and set it as their default default
clothesoptional 0
wow #53, I hope you're as young as your pic looks...
bmexoxo98 0
ahhah
bella_coza 0
I do believe #53 has a picture of a child actor from the 90's.
docscientist 10
#53 is Macaulay Culkin after years of meth.
HomeAl0ne 20
ahem
cassiesaurus 0
hahahahahahahah! So funny. ^^
gusgus36 5
nope 51, that's me...
brennboo 3
I do believe #53 is Donald Trump
Pg11 0
Q: why was the blonde's belly button sore? A: her boyfriend was also blonde.
summersizzle 0
#76 I do believe everyone was being sarcastic.
haggymypants 3
58- fakest picture ahem ever ..?
nathan5 0
hey gusgus take it as a compliment. they think you are pretty enough to be a fake profile pic :) also i like your optomism!
Flyin_Turtle14 0
lol
Lounia_fml 8
I'd compare his dick to a sea turtle's.
stronghand0331 17
A floppy little baby sea turtle.
Skullcrusher 5
Has he been with said sea turtle?
Daileyyy 0
^win^
Daileyyy 0
^win^
Alleged_Cranium 7
Please, stop your boyfriend from having sex with sea turtles. Who knows what disease you can get from them, not just fin rot.
iSitt 0
salmonella
MissLizWolf 8
hahahahahaa! ew.
sloppyflow 1
he'd get a turtle head on his penis
snuu_man 0
it's the turtles that are coming on to him! haven't you seen any of these on YouTube? they hump EVERYTHING. Even boots
lyn29 0
that's ... embarassing :S in my opinion, plan a little thing called sweet revenge *evil laugh*
Lurked 4
:) well at least you don't have to fake it
11wanda11 6
nobody has to fake it!
11wanda11 6
that's nasty, he sounds like a dick!
RedPillSucks 33
Ask him how many sea turtles he's been having sex with in order for him to gain this knowledge. Tell him that he probably needs to be checked for turtle aids, and that from now on, you're going to use a sea cucumber to please yourself.
stronghand0331 17
I like it. Keep the sea theme going!
marinus_fml 20
haha I sea what you did there.;)
haggymypants 3
I wonder how long that took you to come up with.
RedPillSucks 33
I bet he's the one in the other FML that enjoyed making a turtle poop.
stronghand0331 17
Well, seriously, who wouldn't want to coax a tortoise into pinching a loaf?
jessisaur 0
awkward turtle
BizzaroG 0
I'd be a little more worried about the turtle **** on his computer.