Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my "corpse." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML
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Top comments
GhostFox 34
At least he didn't say that he wants to you imitate a corpse in response. That'd be decidedly creepier than brain to mouth filter blooper.
RichardPencil 32
Way to kill the mood! Literally.
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Comments (15)
GhostFox 34
At least he didn't say that he wants to you imitate a corpse in response. That'd be decidedly creepier than brain to mouth filter blooper.
kibster9 20
Are into necrophylia?
kibster9 20
Sorry, necrophilia**
RichardPencil 32
Way to kill the mood! Literally.
squizzlebee 19
At least he found it amusing!
TheyCallMeDamien 18
No more dirty talk for you. FYI it's better to show than talk.
142asdfqq 14
Pun intended?
KATLDVL 7
ok not ideal, but keep trying. I had a girlfriend who was not confident and when i asked her to talk dirty she told me to tell her what to say and that she would say anything I wanted. So that's what we did--I'd say it and she'd repeat it in a sexy voice. It was great!
Jared900DUmpling 30
Maybe if you had died just a bit more inside when he laughed, your statement would have been more applicable!
BatBee 12
My hubby and essentially play dead body. ? Basically he does what he wants and I act like a sex doll (he positions me etc). Give it a try! It's fun!
TheGermanCoon 3
Well, what did he do?