Today, I was riding home from church with my parents when my mom turned around and told me that this morning there was a demon in our living room, and the reason that demon was allowed inside of our house was because I've been watching porn. I'm grounded for 3 weeks because of an informative demon. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was having computer problems, so I let my friend have remote access to fix them. We were video-chatting on Skype at the time, and so he thought it'd be hilarious to load hardcore porn in my browser the moment he saw my mom enter the room from behind me. I'm now grounded. FML
Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, I was watching a movie that had a mild sex scene in it. My mother walked in just as that scene was starting and she flipped out. I'm now grounded. She's taken my TV and laptop out of my room and refuses to let me see my boyfriend because she's sure he's the cause of my "disgusting behaviour". FML
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML
Today, I started watching porn in my room with the volume muted. A minute later, my dad knocked on the door, so I closed everything and called him in. He just said, "Son, you disgust me." and walked out. Now I'm too paranoid to use my own computer. FML
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML
Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML
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Top comments
JasonThorn 23
1. Were you watching ****, or were they just making stuff up? 2. As another poster said, check for tracking apps. Also, check for hidden cameras. Funny they mentioned the living room, did anything happen there? 3. Little bit of trivia: programs used to carry info were called "daemons."
RichardPencil 32
Demonic snitches get hellacious stitches. As if eternal hellfire wasn't bad enough, you get a demon who rats you out. Gah!
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Comments (12)
kfchicken 31
you're going to have a hard few years ahead of you I'm sorry. also "was" damn your mom really 1v1d a demon.
raven_of_azarath 35
The one and only time I experienced sleep paralysis, I told my mom, and she told people at my church. They prayed and were told I had a demon attached to me, so one of the pastors came over that night to perform an exorcism. Ends up, I had supposedly been cursed.
RichardPencil 32
Demonic snitches get hellacious stitches. As if eternal hellfire wasn't bad enough, you get a demon who rats you out. Gah!
Charlie Given 28
sounds like your parents are using an app to track what you're doing online and when you're old enough run run far away crazy religious zealots like that only get worse with age
JasonThorn 23
1. Were you watching ****, or were they just making stuff up? 2. As another poster said, check for tracking apps. Also, check for hidden cameras. Funny they mentioned the living room, did anything happen there? 3. Little bit of trivia: programs used to carry info were called "daemons."
mskeptik 12
That's a super easy way to summon. No black candles, no pentagram, no reading Bible backwards... Seems like a good script for a new Brazzers movie.
Chazzster 32
OP, unless mom is prone to making oddball statements and accusations like this with no proof, she knew about your **** habit and probably where you watched it and jerked off. That means either there is a tracking app on the computer or there are surveillance cameras. Now that you know this, instead of making a big deal or argument about it act accordingly. Once you know how and when and where you are under surveillance you can use that to your advantage. By the way if you are a minor living in your parents home; I am no expert, but I think they have the legal right to monitor any computer they bought or own and the common areas of the house like the living room, but probably not your bedroom or the bathroom.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Wanna switch user names?
tounces7 28
Sounds like your mom is the demon, frankly.
coius 23
Time to mess with your family and tell them you’ve joined the satanic temple and the demon was because you farted while performing a dyslexic attempt to summon santa for Christmas.