Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML
Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML
Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML
Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, my date took nearly 10 minutes to get an erection, had to be shown where the entrance to my vagina was, since he kept missing it and poking me in the thigh, he orgasmed after only 3 thrusts, fell asleep straight away, then an hour later had the nerve to ask if I’d had fun too. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. When I didn't get off right away, he asked what he was doing wrong. I told him he was doing fine, but instead of focusing only on my vagina, he might want to pay attention to my clitoris as well. His response? "What's a clitoris?" FML
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Top comments
bobsanction 18
And.... you didn't try correcting him? No wonder your sex sucks, you're awful at communicating.
RichardPencil 32
Dick appointment? I'm making a note of that phraseology. "Date" is starting to sound, well, dated.
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
Dick appointment? I'm making a note of that phraseology. "Date" is starting to sound, well, dated.
bobsanction 18
And.... you didn't try correcting him? No wonder your sex sucks, you're awful at communicating.
Cocoapelli 23
There’s only so much you can communicate in an evening... op was right to cut her losses.
Cocoapelli 23
There’s only so much you can communicate in an evening... op was right to cut her losses.
malicemassacre 18
Communication is key for a healthy and amazingly amazing sex life
core01 30
Now we have to give anatomy lessons to men??
bobsanction 18
Takes literally two seconds. If you aint got two seconds to communicate you deserve bad sex.
Shzusuziq 16
You could have grabbed his hand and moved it where you wanted it!
xxlk4xx 6
was it dark in the room? I know sometimes my hubby will rub the wrong area thinking that's where he is supposed to be lol, I just relocate him to the correct area🤣 if it was light and he could see what he was doing then I still probably would have been like "sir, you need to be over here" also the term "dick appointment" made me laugh haha
icalledhisname 12
So many men do this. It’s crazy. Basic anatomy, explaining to him where it is is like explaining where an ear is. I get it that we should educate our partners, but teaching things like that shouldn’t be necessary. All he had to do was take a look...
BurnInDemonFire 39
The ignorance is on him, the lack of correcting his mistake, and subsequent lack of sex, is on you.
tounces7 28
Maybe just tell him next time?