Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML
Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML
Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed. He gave me a really unique ring that I absolutely loved… at first. When I showed it off to my friends, one of them laughed so hard that she started crying, and said it looks just like a vagina. She's right, and now I can't unsee it. FML
Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML
Today, my Christmas present from my boyfriend was chlamydia. FML
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son asked me what a "sex toy" was. Not really knowing what to tell him, I said it was a game. He's asked for one for Christmas. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Tell him you wanted a real *****, not a scale model.
saIty 17
Art... I got art...
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Comments (142)
iliketomoveit123 10
That's exciting.
1dvs_bstd 41
... you should know, softballs catcher :D
Neonemerld 21
You sound know, tuna fish strangler. This is a strange game.
oj101 33
The girlfriend should tell him it the only time she orgasmed in their relationship was with the ***** to get back at him. Surely, he'll think twice after his ego bubble has been popped.
eric40962005 8
But it's a mold of his **** I doubt he would be offended
jacsoccerdude3 10
Just who does OP know that actually would make a mold of his penis... The world may never know
ThaNamesBooth 10
...her boyfriend.
evilplatypus 39
52 - It would be implying that while his size is adequate, his technique sucks. I know I'd be offended.
picturescrazy 24
#72, he bought a kit. It's called Clone-A-Willy. Definitely can do it by yourself. My boyfriend's getting me one for Christmas too xD
iliketomoveit123 10
18- Cool.
alan831 9
Whoever came up with that product name should be working for NASA.
patxtreme83 7
Bad luck OP. Maybe next time you'll know better.
Sinamoi 18
Know better then to...what, get excited over a gift? Killjoy.
saIty 17
Art... I got art...
0h_Boy 26
It's a Picasso
ittsdann 6
Prickasso
seacadet 18
Dickasso
Pleonasm 36
Thick-asshole. Shudder.
codyjohn17 5
Dinkleburg!!!
KM96 24
Haha your profile pic goes so well with that statement! :D
kevsandy303 12
I don't get how somebody always replies "dinkleburg!" to all of salty's comments, yet it's always thumbed up? Isn't that joke getting old?
Ray_of_midnight 23
Nah, it's a sculpture by Rod-in.
sens3sfailing 25
119, no because thinking of dad saying dinkleberg is always hilarious...if it fits. it would be hilarious if salty said it himself in my opinion
MURIKKA 11
That is quite possibly the weirdest gift idea that I have ever heard.
Kallian_fml 21
Try to imagine getting a body exfoliating sponge from your sister in the shape of a penis and two giant, fuzzy balls. That was an awkward Christmas...
Pleonasm 36
Tell him you wanted a real *****, not a scale model.
mbuck87 19
Why did people down vote this? Comedy gold!
Pleonasm 36
Don't worry, I am categorically thumbed down in the beginning. It doesn't mean much in the long run, usually.
perdix 31
#19, because scaling can go either way, up or down. Also, ****** come in many shapes and sizes. The joke lacks enough data to make some of us laugh. Now, if she asked, "Who did you have to blow to get them to make a 2x model of your dick?," there might be something there.
Kallian_fml 21
19- Because some people lack the intelligence needed to see the humor. They have to wait for the intelligent people to thumb it up, then they can follow... like sheep...
LuckBeNimble 19
19- maybe because it'd be an unnecessary insult to her BF? still funny though. (:
Pleonasm 36
Also I'm pretty sure there are people that just thumb down all my posts on principle.
gracehi 33
I thumbed up 6 for humor, then thumbed down 38 on principal.
TML329 14
Aww so sweet he got her a travel size
0h_Boy 26
Tell them you got "nothing special. Just a microphone."
Neonemerld 21
Then comes the question, "Why did you need a microphone?".
howdeedoo 22
Who uses their ***** as a microphone?
Ray_of_midnight 23
It looks just like a Telefunken U-47....
MakeTodayADTR 20
What do you get the person that has everything, right? :P
Curiousmaknae 5
The gift that keeps on giving.
Enslaved 38
Wondering-- what else cums with it?
gc327072 31
OP cums with it.
MrPlopper 9
Winters cumin And so am I!!!
perdix 31
Ask your boyfriend to adorn it with a **** ring, so at least you'll have told your parents sonething true. Tell your parents that it was a Jonas Broters-brand Purity Ring. Of course, if it fits, you've got fat fingers or he has a slim dick. . . oh, what a tangled web we weave!
green2go 14
You miss spelled something.
fugger973 5
also brothers. your point?
billyz77 24
I wonder how he got that. I mean, did he pose for an artist? If so, did he need a 'fluffier'?
Neonemerld 21
No, they sell kits for guys to make it themselves at home.
kofeinisti 6
Fluffer, not fluffier