Today, after a long day at work, I walked into my room with the lights off and jumped on my bed. At least I would've if I haven't rearranged my room and instead face-planted onto my desk. FML
Today, I found a "White Power" bumper sticker on the back of my car. I don't know what idiot thought it'd be funny to put it there, but now my neighbors think I'm a proud racist. FML
Today, after finally growing my curly hair down to shoulder length, I decided to get it styled for a dinner date. The stylist rolled up the barrel brush on my head and it got stuck. Hello, pixie cut. FML
Today, I put some leggings on and I was feeling pretty good about how well they fit since I've been trying to slim down. Then I noticed the tag. Not only are they a size larger than I usually wear, but I also stretched them so badly that "Spandex" is now two words. FML
AnotherLilyBart tells us more.
OP here. To clarify, I'm actually not an unhealthy or excessive weight but I'm trying to get back to a size where I feel better about myself. Also, I thought I had bought the leggings in my size but the packet was mislabeled. To the other points, I do wear underwear and when I wear leggings, I pair them with a skirt or tunic so that no one is forced to appreciate my bounteous behind.
Today, I went into labor. I called my mother to ask her to drive me to the hospital. She wanted me to wait for her to take a nap first. FML
awkward_loser69 tells us more.
OP here, to answer some questions, the father and I are married, he was just working at the time and my mom is closer to me than my SO's work so we had already planned for her to take me if this were to happen since he works long shifts. She was definitely serious about taking a nap but thank god she didn't cuz I was in full blown labor and had a few complications. Long story short, in the end my daughter had to have her stomach pumped as soon as I delivered and she wasn't breathing due to her swallowing and choking on my amniotic fluid and her meconium. She was fine after all that happened other than a fever of 104.5. So if my mom had taken a nap I'm not sure what would have happened.
Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML
Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML
Today, I got my giant Game of Thrones tattoo finished. Despite the fact that I had spelt it out for him, the artist wrote "You no nothing John Snow." It's the focal part of the tattoo. FML
Today, thanks to puberty, I have an acne rash around my mouth. Rumors are already flying around school saying I have herpes. FML
Today, I was at a rodeo warming up while my mom unnecessarily bragged about my training skills to a client. My horse then threw me into a gate at a full gallop, in front of everyone. That was the first time he'd ever misbehaved. FML
Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML
Today, my mom hasn't talked to me for 5 days, so, worried sick, I called my grandpa. She's been in jail, and no one cared to inform me. Great. FML
Today, I woke up to find some really weird stuff in my bed. We just got back from vacation in Florida, and my husband burned really bad. I woke up to his peeled off skin all over my face. FML
Today, I was at the lake with my family. I was drinking from a can of soda but didn't realize a bee flew into the can. I didn't swallow it, but I now have Kylie Jenner's lips. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to stop by a drive-thru on the way to his place. I asked him to order a Coke for me, at which point he asked if I wanted to make it a Diet Coke. FML
Today, 5 months after doing a shoot for a stock photo site, someone finally used one of my photos. In an article about meth abuse. FML
Today, my sister stole my bike and gave it to her boyfriend. When I told my parents, they said it was fine, because I wasn't using it anyway. The reason I wasn't using it was because it needed a new tire, and I was saving up for one. FML
Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML
Today, I found out that my favorite pizza place will no longer deliver to my area after dark because they've been robbed too many times. FML
Today, I was driving with my little brother when out of nowhere he yelled at me to stop. Thinking it was urgent, I slammed my breaks, almost getting rammed from behind. Why did he yell for me to stop? The Pokémon GO said there was a sparrow near us. FML
PurplePanda_1927 tells us more.
First of yes sorry spearow. Second thankfully my brother and I are fine and the guy that was behind us is too, well aside from being beyond pisses off at me he was fine. The reason I slammed my break is because the street I was driving in is infamous for people getting hit because they run across hopping to beat the car and I though I was about to hit a little kid or an animal. When we got home I explained to him how Pokemon is not a good reason to get us kill especially for a simple Pokemon like that one. Don't get me wrong I play the game to and have had some close calls because I wasn't paying attention but none where while I was driving. I mostly walk or ride my bike to go hunting for pokémon
Today, I found out my aunt posted a picture of my butt in a bikini bottom on Facebook. I didn't even know she had taken that picture. FML
Today, it's the second day of being in Estonia with my boyfriend and his mom, visiting their family. I don't know much Estonian, but I can say short words and phrases. My boyfriend later informed me I've been mispronouncing "Thank you," and actually saying "Help me." I was wondering why people have been laughing. FML
avenue24 tells us more.
avenue24 20
Hey everyone, thanks for publishing this, & for the support! His family is really nice & we're getting along well. When my boyfriend originally told me, I was embarrassed, but now I think it'll be a funny story to tell when I get home. He taught me how to say it correctly, so it should be smooth sailing from here!
Today, my new futon mattress arrived. Upon laying it out on the frame, I realized IKEA has whack bed sizings. When I went to return the mattress for a queen, they informed me a queen mattress wouldn't be here until sometime next week. I already threw out my old crappy mattress. FML
Today, my parents watched a horror movie with some creepy child in it. Apparently, I sound just like that kid when I call for my mom, so now she doesn't want me to call her mom anymore. FML
Today, I got a question wrong on an exam. The question started with, "In your opinion..." FML
Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML
Today, I didn't have the courage to tell the guy who likes me that I only thought of him as a friend, so I asked my best friend to do it for me. It turns out that her way of doing this is telling him to "Fuck off" and then punching him in the face. FML
Today, my mom continued her search for a special, super-healthy laundry detergent that she knows makes me break out in hives. FML
Today, I received an envelope with my name written in beautiful writing in my mailbox. I just moved in the day before and hadn't given the address to anyone or met my neighbors yet so I was a bit surprised by it, even more surprised to find nothing but a dick pic inside. FML
Today, I went to grab a coffee at a new café in town. While sipping my coffee, I noticed a man staring at me through the window. I thought he was browsing the menu before I looked up mid-sip to him staring at me in the eye, sucking on his finger. FML
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