Today, I woke up to my husband chuckling. When I asked him what was so funny. He told me that during the night I attempted to shove one of the kids' pacifiers in his mouth. I don't remember this, at all. He thinks it's hysterical. I'm not sure what to think. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML
Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML
Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML
Today, I woke up with a headache and a bruised forehead after my husband full-force elbowed me in the head last night in his sleep. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact he has zero memory of doing it. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML
Today, I woke up to my husband trying to bite my forehead in his sleep. My response? I slapped him hard in the face. What a way to wake up. FML
Today, my wife was snoring in my ear. I nudged her, and she rolled over and started talking in her sleep. I listened, because it was funny, until I heard, quite clearly, "My husband is a dumbass, he's got no idea." No idea of what, exactly? FML
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Top comments
ScratchCatPower 32
Pacifiers for everyone! Tonight maybe you'll unconsciously mutter "Here comes the airplane!" and try to feed your husband with an empty hand.
rorex 26
I don't get why this is an fml.
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Comments (49)
rorex 26
I don't get why this is an fml.
mezochan 29
You subconsciously think your husband is a big baby.
ericanicole1 12
Probably also consciously
NYM88 26
I think she is unconsciously trying to tell you to stop crying in your sleep. There is no bogeyman under your bed. She checked twice, remember?
Chadica 17
This is the wife saying it....
NYM88 26
Yes, I realize that. I was acting as if I was talking to her husband. I guess I didn't get that across very well.
fishinpink 20
I got it NYM88 :-) and I thought it was great ;-)
NYM88 26
Thanks! I guess I should have said it more like this: You should really tell him he needs to stop crying in his sleep and remind him you checked under the bed twice for monsters. But, hey. A little too late, I guess.
ScratchCatPower 32
Pacifiers for everyone! Tonight maybe you'll unconsciously mutter "Here comes the airplane!" and try to feed your husband with an empty hand.
extremereviews 26
If this is the biggest thing to say FML about your life is going pretty damn good
HollywoodHitter 21
Just laugh it off, you're a mother, just unconscious instinct.
SixthSinEnvy 39
I hate to be that guy but the punctuation in this FML is killing me. It seems to be the bigger issue than sleep silliness.
nix1993 41
I read it like old morse code. Today I woke up to my husband chuckling STOP When I asked him what was so funny STOP
laceyleitner98 5
I only found one punctuation mistake. She should have put a comma after she asked her husband what he was laughing at. Unfortunately she used a period. She probably used a comma and it autocorrected it.
blackrose1996 11
Must have been snoring and you were dreaming of the baby crying lol
pandalover69 26
I don't see how this is a big deal. I think I would just laugh if it were me.
Saraishi 25
Hush little hubby don't say a word....