Today, I was taking a quiz online called "Do Your Friends Actually Like You?" I quit after two questions because I remembered I don't actually have any friends. FML
bish_wut tells us more.
Hello, everyone! I'm the OP. I am so shocked/ excited this actually got posted! First off, thanks for all the kind comments, I smiled quite a few times haha. As for my friendless life, I am homeschooled due to many health problems I have, such as anxiety, so being home alone all day, it's quite hard to make friends. But I do realize I could do something about it instead of sitting here moaping. My birthday is in 2 days, so my sister is going to help me invite some neighbors and hopefully I can make some friends :) (#3 and #4, thanks friends :D) Thanks for the luck everyone, I think I'll definitely need it.
Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML
Today, it's my birthday and I'd planned to take my family and friends to dinner with my own money. My mom just informed me that she'd messaged everyone that I'd canceled the dinner. She instead wants to use my money to buy my older brother a gun for his birthday, which is in two days. FML
mckenna9797 tells us more.
Hey everyone, OP here. Thank you everyone for your birthday wishes. I called my friends and got it rescheduled for Saturday luckily, although one or two might not be able to. As for my mom, she had a joint account with me due to when I was 17, and I just haven't gotten to it to change it to just me when I turned 18 last year, because she usually never does this. My mom does seem to like my brother more than me which is a little messed up but she usually respects me and treats me very well. She's a nice person and decent parent, but a little weird sometimes. She didn't have any money to spend on his birthday due to just paying rent for the month with her paycheck. She did however have no right to use my money or cancel my plans. That was uncalled for and definitely not right. As for the gun itself as a present to my brother, he's turning 23 and just got back from a year deployment to Germany. She wanted to do something special for him and he really wanted a mosin nagant rifle for a couple years now. I would have bought it for him honestly if. she asked because I get paid tomorrow. I hope that answers all your questions!
Today, I found a thong at my boyfriend's house. When I confronted him about it, he panicked and claimed it was his mom's. Right. FML
Today, I realized just how shy and awkward I really am when I averted my eyes to avoid making eye contact with someone who turned out to be a cardboard cut-out. FML
Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML
Today, my teacher called a friend and me out of class and told us we had been reported for plagiarism because our answers to a problem were nearly identical, and he said that I shouldn't have shared my work. This for an assignment where significant marks were awarded for collaborating with peers. FML
Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML
Today, I received my uniform for culinary school. I'm 5'4" and 110 lbs, and during sizing even an XS uniform swam on me. On the other hand, I need huge shoes for my size 10 feet. Apparently, the school decided to ignore my sizing sheet and simply give me standard medium uniforms and size 8 shoes. FML
Today, I had a full day of work, a social event, and a doctor's appointment. My son looked at me when I got home and said, "Are your pants on backwards?" Yes, yes they were. All day. FML
Today, I tried talking to the very quiet girl in my grade. We were having a conversation when a very hot guy walked into the cafeteria. I said to the girl, "The things I would do for him…" She looked at me dead in the eye and said, "That's my boyfriend." FML
Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML
Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML
Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana Grace. My sister just revealed she is having a girl and naming her Hana Grace since "the name is up for grabs now". FML
Today, I woke up and poured myself a large glass of orange juice from a carton and took a big gulp only to realize it was liquid eggs. FML
Today, my boyfriend showed me his need for speed. It was amazing, except he showed it to me with my new car while running away from the cops. FML
horriblelife3006 tells us more.
Hi guys OP here! And I'm so excited as this is my first published FML! So I'm here to clarify some things! #1 - Yeap luckily I wasn't in the car at the time it happened but I did saw it from a distance. And many of you have asked for me to break up with him but I didn't as he did not commit a serious offence! He was rushing to the hospital as his Mother was ill and he was in such a state of panic that he didn't knew he was speeding so I apologise if it's confusing but at the time that I was posting This, I did not know about why he was speeding! Perhaps I should have said speeding away from the cops instead of running away! So I do hope it clarified any issues! Do continue to leave more comments and I will get back to you guys later! Thank you!
Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML
Today, my dad is obsessed with making sure that I am not in any way 'bare' in front of the windows of our house. Which is surrounded by tall trees, five metres worth of tall trees. I'm not sure whether to be creeped out that someone might see me or that my dad is unhealthily obsessed about this. FML
HellCat44 tells us more.
HellCat44 17
OP, here. Once, I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel. It was hot so I cracked a window to let in fresh air. Somehow that was indecent and I got yelled at, and he's been on my case ever since.
Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML
Today, I was taking a shower in a hostel when the girl in the cubicle next to mine decided to blow her nose onto the shower floor. The water from her cubicle was flowing into mine and I ended up standing in a puddle of fresh watery snot. FML
Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML
Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML
Today, I need a new mattress. Last night, I slept on the floor. It was the best sleep I've had in a while. FML
Today, I was helping my Grandfather to sort through tubs and bins after cleaning out his attic, and I had to move a 50lb bin downstairs. That's when the dog thought it would be funny to block the top of the stairs as I was going down. FML
Today, I overheard two classmates wondering who Joan of Arc was. They agreed among themselves that she had to be the wife of Noah. We're in college. FML
Emmereen tells us more.
Emmereen 29
It didn't sound like they were, but I suppose I can give them the benefit of the doubt.
Today, it's my birthday and I'd invited quite a lot of my friends to come round and have some fun. When I got home, I saw a few cars outside. It turned out to be for the neighbours. I waited and waited; none of my friends showed up. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was in a public toilet. I looked down and realised someone in the stall next to me was peeing on my foot underneath the divider. They didn't even attempt to aim for the toilet bowl. FML
Today, my house flooded. Hundreds of dollars worth of art supplies, multiple video game systems, academic awards from middle school, birthday cards from my deceased grandfather; it's all gone. What remained untouched? The cat's litter box, which somehow floated. FML.
KiraK_320 tells us more.
KiraK_320 20
Hi everyone, OP here (well my nickname's gonna show so I'm not sure I needed to say it, but whatever)! Thanks for all the wishes and hugs. <3 First, I saw a few people ask about the cat; she's perfectly fine! And it wasn't actually my cat, it was my mom's boyfriend's... My cat and I live in Baton Rouge in an apartment with my dad, and I had just moved in there in April, so the majority of my things were here but... I had left my memorabilia box (the cards from my grandfather, a lot of childhood books and stuffed animals, the awards, etc.) at my mom and her boyfriend's house in Denham Springs (which, to any of you fellow Louisianians, you know the entire town was flooded), and I had forgotten some of my art supplies and old sketchbooks there alongside my Xbox and Wii unfortunately.Anyway, I actually have some good news: I had submitted this before I was able to go back to the house to salvage things and so when I did manage to go through the flooded stuff (after the water receded, of course), I was able to save a lot of it! Funnily enough, my Wii had been in a plastic tub that also floated, so that was safe. I got to wring out my stuffed animals, and wash them at a laundromat, and I also managed to carefully separate the flooded cards and lay them out in the sun to dry... very happy about that! Again, thanks guys :^) and to any of you that went through the flood as well, I hope you're doing ok and that your families were safe.
Today, while at a baseball game, I was telling my friends about my underaged drinking experience at my sister's bachelorette party. It wasn't until I was done telling the story that I realized the Dean of my college was right behind us, looking right at me. So much for a good first impression. FML
fuckingcool tells us more.
fuckingcool 10
I never claimed that I was "cool" for drinking and I wasn't bragging only telling my friends about a fun experience I had celebrating my sisters engagement. I had gotten into a 21 and up club and I only brought it up because they had been sharing similar experiences that they had. Hop off your high horse and don't shame me for drinking underaged when people in Europe start drinking by age 16 the latest, I was 18. I didn't drive, I didn't get sloppy or make out with any strangers. I just had a fun night of dancing and some drinks with my sisters and her friends. Arrest me!
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