Today, I watched an episode of the children's show, "Goosebumps". It scared the shit out of me. I'm 21. FML
Alesana_pond tells us more.
OP here. The episode was the one w the kid and the piano I forgot what the episode is called. And it was near the end when it showed the pianos being played by hands that weren't attached to arms or anything. By "scared the shit out of me" was more like "it's ****** creepy nope nope nope nope nope." The visual just creeped me the **** out. And I skipped forward to the next episode lol. I don't really get scared by horror shit. I can eat a big bloody steak and watch Saw lol. In the end tho I ended up giggling because I'm a sign spinner and I imagined what it'd look like if a pair of hands were spinning a sign. All y'all's comments made my day tho xD
Today, at a mall, my mom accused me of lying about being gay, just because I said I don't like shopping. FML
Today, I learned that "prima donna" was not in fact "pre-Madonna" like I'd always thought. My family won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML
Today, after a recent move into my new apartment, I woke up early to study for an upcoming exam. I hadn't left my bed yet or made a sound, when my neighbor texted me and asked why I was awake. No one in the building has my phone number. FML
Today, at the hairdresser's, I fell asleep while my hair was being washed. My barber had to shake me awake. FML
Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML
Today, I went to get my first manicure. While waiting, I looked at the menu board. When I wondered aloud: "I know what a French manicure is, but what on Earth is a Polish change?" The whole place started laughing and I guess I'm not going back. FML
Today, I found out firsthand how a civilised conversation about renewable energy can turn into a long debate about whether or not you can have sex with an oil drill. FML
deathtojesus tells us more.
deathtojesus 20
In all honestly, as the author of this FML I have no ******* idea
Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl. I guess karma gets nasty when you wish a member of the opposing team would break his back. I fell down the stairs. FML
Today, I wanted to buy a Philly cheesesteak from my campus grill, but I was running late so I ordered a grilled cheese as it would be simpler to prep. I then waited 20 minutes and watched as the cooks made 4 cheesesteaks for other orders before even starting my grilled cheese. I was late. FML
Today, while BMXing I felt my chain break loose. I only looked down for a split second, and that's all it took for me to crash into a young scooter kid, breaking not only my own nose and elbow, but both his arms. FML
Today, while using the restroom at my favorite cafe, I fell asleep for 30 minutes. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons viciously breaking down the only barrier between between you and your shame. FML
Today, I went to Jack in The Box to grab a quick hamburger. I was in a hurry, so I didn't check my order. By the time I opened the bag, I was really hungry. Unfortunately, the burger looked like a 5-year-old wrapped it, and the burger looked bitten into. FML
Today, I drove to the beach for an hour to relax before returning to the intense workload of midterms. A kid walking by threw a cracker near me and I was instantly attacked by a group of seagulls. FML
Today, when I went over a bump, I was assaulted by a badly-fitted bicycle seat. I've been walking like John Wayne all afternoon. FML
Today, at an MA meeting, I ran into the cop who'd pulled me over and given me a ticket for marijuana possession. FML
Today, I was told that when I was in middle school and thought I was considered class clown for either making jokes or acting stupid, people thought I actually was stupid and/or mentally challenged. FML
Today, a woman was standing in front of me in line. There was a strand of hair on her back, so to be nice, I pulled it off her. It was still attached to her head. FML
Today, while suffering from a serious migraine. I have to cook dinner and listen to the singing of two very tone deaf individuals. I'm starting to contemplate sticking forks in my ears. FML
Today, I learned how to play "Happy Birthday" on the guitar, just to have my friend tell me that my voice sucks, and that I needed to stop immediately. FML
Today, my mom received a condolence card from my high school's alumni association for my recent passing. I'm still alive! FML
Today, I embarrassed myself by screaming for help in a crowded mall when my shoelace got stuck at the top of the escalator. Someone behind me kicked the shoelace and it came out easily. FML
Today, in the middle of blizzard, I hopped out of my car to rescue a small white cat that darted across the street in front of me. After running in the snow to find it, I realized what I'd seen wasn't a cat at all. It was a plastic bag. FML
Lejuicyfruit tells us more.
OP here! My first FML got published, yay! Not sure why the heck it says I posted this from Texas... I'm from Colorado. And I'm also not a guy. *shrugs* Anyway, thank you all for the nice comments! I feel like a fool, but at least I tried to help a kitty in need. Even if it was just a plastic bag.
Today, I somehow managed to get the guy I like to sign up for Grindr. FML
inappropes tells us more.
inappropes 31
This is my FML. I met him through a friend and we were out at a bar. I mentioned I signed up for Grindr but am not into the usual one night stand vibe it has going on, so I was getting rid of it. Next time went out he mentioned he signed up. I had hopes of getting together but I guess not now lol. I just thought it was a funny situation. More people out there.
Today, a woman came into my life and took all I had left in the world. The woman was my hair stylist. She took my hair and the last of my money. FML
Today, my parents got mad at me because I laughed when they called the bullseye "bonsai" while watching darts. They've always thought it was bonsai. FML
Today I went to the bus station to pick up a lost phone. Even after calling ahead the day before, I was turned away because I hadn't e-mailed. The website says to call and doesn't list an e-mail. I still don't have the phone. FML
Today, a few people in my class used calculators on the math final exam, even though it clearly stated at the top that they weren't allowed. The teacher found out, and now everyone has to retake the 200-question exam. I didn't even use a calculator. FML
Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML
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