Today, my brother, instead of filming me during my very first musical presentation in New York, took 45 pictures of the sexy trumpeter that was two rows behind me. With MY camera. FML
Today, I was fed up with things being taken from my room so I installed a key-locking handle on my door. I installed everything but the door knobs, and because I was worried that I would put the two of them on backwards, I closed the door to check. I'm now locked in my room. FML
Today, I woke up really out of it, and as I was walking into the kitchen, I stubbed my toe on a tile. I sat down, then got up and stubbed the same toe against the table, went over to the kitchen and stubbed the same toe on the same tile again. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, for my family, my most impressive quality is I can make spaghetti and meatballs. FML
Today, I got to try on a stunning suit that made me the handsomest man in the world. Upcoming prom? No. Wedding? No. I attended a date... A court date. FML
Today, I had to temporarily relocate to my brother's room after mine was being repainted. Not only do I have to sleep on the floor, but I also have to put up with my brother and dog both snoring loudly. What's worse is that they alternate in snoring. Goodbye sleep. FML
Today, I found out that because we made a mistake and applied for the wrong visa first, my fiancé probably can't fly into America to attend his own wedding. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to the bank to get her new ATM card. As the bank teller gave her the card, he said that the PIN remained the same. Indignant, she cried out, "How do you possibly know my PIN code?" She's 27. FML
Today, I asked my classmate if she was ready for the final tomorrow and she said it was yesterday. I'm not a bad student - I have 90+ average in the class - but the final was 50% of my grade. FML
Today, my cousin and I spent 9 hours on two separate fishing boats. This is what my cousin's boat returned with. We didn't even get a freaking nibble. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping with my grandmother. Our bagger offered to help load our groceries, to which my grandmother replied, "Oh, what a nice young colored boy." FML
Today, my neighbours had an extremely loud party, which began at midnight and didn't end until 6. I know this because I had a 15 minute sleep, seeing as I had to wake up at quarter past. FML
Today, after a shitty day, I went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. When I grabbed the salt container, the bottom lid came off and the salt went everywhere. FML
Today, my grandma was arrested for throwing her cane at a man who she thought was mocking her walk. That man was my boyfriend's father, who limps because of his cerebral palsy. He refuses to drop the assault charges. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. I recognized him. He's the guy that broke into my car and stole my backpack two weeks ago. FML
Today, I got up at 2:30 a.m. to catch an early flight home. I was tired and drowsy and took a quick shower to wake me up. Two minutes in, the water turned scalding hot on all settings. I ended up having to rinse my hair with bottles of sparkling water from the hotel minibar. FML
Today, my high school decided to practice graduation outside for 4 hours instead of inside, as well as serve lunch outside. Now everybody, including myself, is going to be sunburnt in their graduation pictures, because we were told practice was inside. FML
Today, I checked for the third time this week if my package that 'arrived' five days ago had been found. Not only was it a different employee at the concierge desk, meaning I had to explain everything again, but they told me the same bullshit about how it's "not their fault". The package is my new phone. FML
Today, I found out that the electricity company can just show up unannounced and cut off my power, but cannot find the meter for a whole 10 days to switch it on again. It's currently dark and 7°C in my bedroom. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
Today, I went to hang out with an older friend of mine that I hadn't seen in a while. It was pretty fun and I was having a great time. That is, of course, until I hugged him goodbye and he leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I think we were fated to hook up." FML
ijustwantedtohangout tells us more.
Oh gosh I never thought this would get posted! I made an account just to comment, though I should have ages ago since I browse all the time. I'm glad you found this as humorous (and creepy) as I did! I've known the guy for about 4 years now, usually through group events, and this was the first time we ever went to hang one-on-one! He was always such a sweetheart and was always super polite and respectful up until this point, and my closer friends from the group vouched for him, so I wasn't too worried about meeting up with him. He's not too terribly old or anything, he's in his late twenties, so when he said he wanted to 'hook up', he definitely meant it in a sexual manner! But given that I just recently turned 18, the age gap and the fact we've known each other since I was 14 made it super creepy for me! I definitely learned my lesson and will be sticking with hanging out in group environments for a little while now.
Today, it seems my husband didn't realize that "Office Space" is just a movie and began to act like the characters in a pathetic attempt to, "stand up to the establishment!" Perhaps he also didn't realize that attempted arson is considered a federal crime. The bail is $20,000. FML
Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML
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