Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML
Today, I woke up to yet another severed rat head next to my bed, which I have to dispose of yet again. Cats are seriously weird. FML
Today, I made my way to bed around 4am after spending all night hanging out with my family. When I got to my bed, I started to clear a spot to lay down. Almost immediately, my hand touched something furry and cold and, fearing the worst, I turned the light on. Turns out my cat left me a half eaten rodent. FML
Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML
Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML
Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML
Today, my cat was incessantly meowing trying to get me to wake up and feed him. Because it was 6 a.m., and I'd hardly slept at all last night, my brain decided that the best solution to get him to shut up would be to hug him. The result was a normally docile and lazy cat giving me a nasty scratch next to my left eye. FML
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML
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Top comments
DameGreyWulf 1
"Wake up, lazy alpha. I've brought you an offering."
redbluegreen 41
Well, where else is he gonna get you a gift? The mall?
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Comments (149)
effthis 0
first! lol eww thats sucks
Scorpitarrius 0
Nothin like breakfast in bed.
Fucktroll 0
YDI FOR HAVING A CAT
qwyzm 0
your cat killed it for you because it respects you. think of it that way if you want. the whole twitching carcass thing is gross though lol :p
Trevv 0
@31 I hate cats buy I wouldn't blame them for having one. they can have one if they want. troll fail is all I have to say to you.
fmlbai 0
my bad @ 31
softball_nerd_24 10
you've cat to be kitten me right meow
bubblybrooke 12
first!!! ew that's gross
effthis 0
fail
JarJarBinks_fml 0
"Today I called first on an FML, but posted second. I fail at life"
SP63_fml 0
You forgot the FML. Or was that on purpose because someone who fails that hard would naturally forget the FML part?
ilovefatcats 12
:o thas nasty!!!! ;@ blarrrrfffffff
Nyx7 24
No...no you're not
yourz4ever 0
ewwwwwww
CosmicPossum 2
It just means he loves you! ^_^
gwenhwyfaer 0
It also means you don't have to get up and feed him for a couple more hours. Course, if he's an indoor kitty, it might mean you have vermin issues...
Captain_Jello 0
It sure does! You should be thankful for such a good little breadwinner haha
DameGreyWulf 1
"Wake up, lazy alpha. I've brought you an offering."
Fucktroll 0
Damegreywulf you have no life for commenting on every fml. Get a life
letitbe56 0
Fucktroll, trolling is one thing, but harassing other FML users is low.
HahaYDI 0
Dammit don't feed him, he is a good troll, Ive seen him a lot lately, just ignore the fat ass
letitbe56 0
Nah, a good troll is one who stimulates an enormous argument and then leaves everyone doubting whether he's really a troll or not. Going around harassing people is not good trolling. It's scummy trolling.
StealthStorm67 0
Says the person who found the time to count how many posts he had, and then cry about it.
redbluegreen 41
Well, where else is he gonna get you a gift? The mall?
JarJarBinks_fml 0
Om nom nom
DncrHap 9
xDD
Emico_fml 0
Aww, early morning present. :)
Unregistered 0
******* TWAT! THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR NOT TEACHING YOUR CAT TO STAY THE **** OUT OF YOUR ROOM!
IamSpartacus 0
Kill your cat.
kcool1 0
thats a tad harsh to kill the cat ...
Trevv 0
@21 I hate cats too but some bleeding-heart animal rights group would go mental if they killed it...