Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML
Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that he'd resolved all the issues with his ex and is getting back together with her. Normally I could tolerate this if it weren't for the fact that I just moved to a different country to live with him, and turned down a university and a scholarship. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to climb up to my third story window in the early hours of the morning. Just before he got to the top, he slipped and fell to the ground. My dad had to drive him to the hospital at 3am. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML
Today, I found out my new Commanding Officer is my ex-wife's new boyfriend. We're going on a two year tour at sea in two weeks. The reason we got a divorce is that she couldn't handle being tied down with someone in the Navy. FML
Today, my boyfriend of five years proposed to me in front of my entire family. He later confessed that it was part of a dare with his friends because, "There was no way you'd say yes." Guess who has to explain this to all my relatives? FML
Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML
Today, I sprained my knee while going down on one knee to propose to my girlfriend. She laughed as I rolled in pain. I still haven't gotten an answer. FML
Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML
Today, my school's yearbook awarded "Cutest Couple" to my boyfriend and me. We broke up yesterday. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend told me he was too busy studying for finals, but that he'd take me out another day instead. He later drunk-dialled me from a party demanding a lift back home. FML
Today, during my honeymoon, my wife and I finally went scuba-diving. My nose was too big to fit in the face goggles, so I couldn't go. My wife went without me anyway. FML
Today, I got all dressed up to go on a date with a guy. Upon getting to my house to pick me up, he told me he'd forgot to put on mascara, and asked if he could borrow some. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother thinks I'm a loser and a scumbag. We haven't even met yet. FML
Today, I decided I was done waiting for my boyfriend to ask me to marry him, so we were cuddling in his bed and I asked him. He asked for a rain check. FML
brokenbabe tells us more.
I am the OP. my boyfriend and i havent had sex. Thats the first thing. We've been together 3 years. He has promised we are getting married since fall 2010. He said like this summer. I did not leave him. I am just mad at him
Today, I finally found out who has been sending me hate letters, it's my husband's ex-wife. They've been divorced for 7 years. FML
Today, I finally went on a date with my crush. When he kissed me goodnight, it made me think of a dying slug. FML
Today, the girl I've been dating for several months, and fallen in love with, said "We're just friends, right? My mom thinks I'm leading you on." FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML
Today, I told my husband that I was going to get a swimsuit from the Victoria's Secret catalog. He replied, "Are you going to get the body to go with it?" FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend uses me for two things. 1) My food. 2) My sister. FML
Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML
Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a Post-it note on my locker that said, "Consider yourself dumped." FML
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl has a crush on me. Too bad it's my co-worker's five year old granddaughter. FML
Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML
Today, I realized that I text my boyfriend more than I see him. He's my next door neighbor. FML
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