Today, I sent my boyfriend to the store to get groceries while I was at work. Instead of what I listed, he came back with hot pockets, ice cream and beer. I'm lactose intolerant and pregnant. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I gave my boyfriend a $300 cooler for Valentine's Day. When I asked what he got me, he pointed at my stomach. I'm 3 months pregnant with his baby. FML
Today, I sent my husband out for baby formula and cocoa butter to soothe my boobs from breastfeeding. He came back with powdered milk and deep heat rub. AND he still wanted praise for at least having tried to get what I asked for. I would kill him, but I need his wages while I'm on maternity. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML
Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML
Today, my fiancee asked me to text her a grocery list. I asked for meat, fruit, vegetables, you know, the staples. She came back with tons of sugar cereal, pop tarts, cookie dough, and other unhealthy crap. We have no other food, our monthly budget is gone, and junk food gives me horrible stomach cramps. FML
Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He went outside for a "breather" and never came back. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
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Top comments
krysxkatastrophe 14
Ice cream is awesome! I'm lactose intolerant too, but I don't care when it comes to that!
knights95 9
But they have cheese in them. Fail.
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Comments (294)
elleoheelle 2
... First. You should smack the piss out of your boyfriend for being a selfish douchebag.
zinjin 5
Because obviously smacking someone around, solves everything.
Miss_Kristen 10
I don't think it was FML worthy..
elleoheelle 2
I think it was :|
krysxkatastrophe 14
Ice cream is awesome! I'm lactose intolerant too, but I don't care when it comes to that!
6tori6 5
it can give you insane gas, or vomiting. I wouldn't eat dairy if I were you.
iEatGuppies 0
then eat hot pockets... but still FYL and tell him to get more food without lactose or beer.
ScaughtieHolden 11
Oh I get the whole, "dairy air" thing now.
HelloNoora1 0
27- the cheese in hot pockets is dairy
Boygenius50 8
41-Either that's a joke or you're an idiot.
WhiteBoyThatCan 0
sux to be the OP eh?
lakaiskate 12
I don't see why OP doesn't take lactose pills
Sunny_Eclipse 6
She's pregnant! It wouldn't be a smart idea to eat something you can't while you're prego. THINK ABOUT THE CHIDREN!
yummycupkake 0
quit complaining and send those things over to my house where they are welcomed and accepted! :)
Rainbow_dumpster 28
Hey 22, that's what Lactaid is for. ;)
iEatGuppies 0
oh. i feel stupid. well still FYL OP.
Irishxoxo 2
Lactaid doesn't really work that well. It sucks being lactose intolerant.
murlocholmes 5
she's robbing that poor, unborn child of ice cream deliciousness...
ColdplaySucks 18
Maybe you shoulda thought of the consequences, such as living with this dumbass, when he cummed inside you. FYL for being in this situation, but at the same time YDI for making idiot preferences.
kwchambers92 10
91 you remind me of the prostitute they hire Andy in the 40 Year Old Virgin. YOUR HANDS ARE BIGGER THAN ANDRE THE GIANTS!
Tjack_attack 0
breakfast of champions
YDI__Bitch 0
does he not work too?
bfflrhea 0
me too.(:
coling 0
the pills don't always work...trust me.
upsetgirl_fml 5
one can NEVER trust a guy to go to the grocery store alone. Especially when you've got someone else inside you have to feed. He goes but you go WITH him.
mduffy08 8
well what the hell did you ask him to get?!
wordnerd42 0
I know right, that's certainly the contents of every grocery list I've ever made!
ImAHomosexual 0
A hand grenade. That would probably be the most obvious guess of what one would get at a grocery store.
EffinToofer 3
He can't follow simple instructions and would rather eat crap than real food... Yup, looks like OP is about to be dealing with TWO children. FYL, indeed.
shannonreneee 11
33, he can follow simple instructions but he's a boy who gets to anything he wants from the shops essentially. Of course he'd opt for the unhealthy over his girlfriend's list.
sxe_beast 11
The OP needs to get a housekeeper. Our housekeeper is a pro at shopping.
nfc14 2
You need to get a new pic, thats pretty gross dude
shovels 0
狗肉，可是他没吃过那个肉因为没有什么营养！我也没吃过狗因为我是在美国出生，长大的！太谢谢你们了。。。。。。再见。
sxe_beast 11
^Dog, but he did not eat the meat because there is no nutrition! I did not eat dog because I was born in the U.S. grow up! So thank you. . . . . . Goodbye. Wrong FML?
shovels 0
166, close translation...
sxe_beast 11
Yeah - chinese isn't one of the languages I know!?!?! lol
Miii_fml 0
71 if he could follow simple instruction.. she wouldnt b pregnant! lmao!
TheIllusionist 0
I COULD READ THAT IM SO PROUD of myself
joefrazier 20
what is so great about being first
EmilyShmemily496 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
well... you can still have hot pockets! :D
knights95 9
But they have cheese in them. Fail.
EmilyShmemily496 0
touché, good sir...
sup_bitch 0
hot pockets have cheese in them so no she cant have them
WhiteBoyThatCan 0
38 is a winner!
everybodyluvsMEN 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
people only thumbed up her dumbass comment cuz they want a girl to like them haha
picklezz123 5
97 is just bitter cuz no one likes them
everybodyluvsMEN 0
While that is true, what other reason would there be to like her comment?? Because its completely wrong and stupid
hook_em 0
well 146 if you need someone to like you I might as well do so ooooooo
tandem123 6
38- go touché yourself :p I made a funny
Bobissmall 13
At least he got hot pockets? I seriously wonder why some people complain about this stuff... if you're having a child with him, you should know that he can't be trusted to get the groceries. Hm?
brenkite 5
some hot-pockets have cheese
Invierno 10
Regardless of whether she knew of his inconsistencies with grocery shopping in the past, he was wrong in his current actions. Maybe she was hoping that he'd be considerate of her needs, especially since she was away at work, is pregnant with his child, and simply because she's his gf and he should know better. Instead, he chose to be a selfish inconsiderate jerk. He could have gotten all of those things and still brought home some of what she requested. I don't know if you've ever been pregnant, but it's pretty damn exhausting. He's an asshole for not even thinking about her and their child's needs.
JoeyPterodactyl 0
Hot Pockets have cheese.
edabdala8 3
Most lactose intolerant people can have a low amount of dairy products depending on the quantity of lactase being produced by the body.
DeathbyZamboni 9
Yeah, but she's also pregnant, which causes the body to react more. So now she would be vomiting even more because he's an inconsiderate prick.
Stupend0us 7
Sounds like you have a winner of a boyfriend.
balest22 0
OP deserves it for getting pregant with her BOYFRIEND.
Boygenius50 8
She never said it was his. . .coulda been a one-night-stand
cptmorgan6 8
40, a lot of people who aren't married have children. They could be in their 30's for all we know. It's becoming more common. And since when is marriage the only time you can have children?
dwreck69 0
40- somebody loves abstinence
AnneFTW 17
82 and 193 - Obviously 40 was just pointing out that it's likely the child was unplanned - she doesn't even know him well enough that she considers her life to be F'd by what he did. It's better to wait until marriage before having kids because then you've already decided that you want to be with this person forever, and KNOW them.
geeksaresexy 18
#238 and yet divorce rates are going up and up every year.. My parents were married for 20 years, they waited 4 years before having a child. My dad forgot at least 7 times (that I recall) that my mum is SEVERELY allergic to prawns. Length of relationship doesn't mean you know someone and marriage isn't forever. We know nothing about OP, her partner or their relationship. They could have been together for 10 years for all we know. I would assume giving someone a list of items would be enough guidance, evidently not for this guy.
crs121492 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
can you blame a man
awkward_turtles 1
Yes, you can.
gumbiiiloves 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
first: nvr send a man to do a woman's job, they'll almost always screw it up!!! second: I'd smack him and make him go get what I actually asked for!!!!!
rattusrattus 19
What? What? Seriously? I grab the wrong things at the shop fairly frequently, and I'm a woman. Or, by your standards, a man.
lakaiskate 12
cause 11 is a prick
awkward_turtles 1
So grocery shopping is a woman's job? Way to be a sexist asshole.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
Worst part is I think 11 is a woman.
caveman127 0
wow lesbian.
cakit0o 0
DUMP HIM.
Sunny_Eclipse 6
That's unnecessary. It was one time. Heartless person!
awkward_turtles 1
The OP's boyfriend is the heartless one here, completely disregarding the OP's needs when she is PREGNANT. The least he could do is help out with basic tasks such as buying EDIBLE food (for the OP) to eat
funnyshitt 0
really shes pregnat i dont know ppl looking for pregnant girls
iamtwiggyme 0
136 - I do. I'm obviously pregnant and I get hit on more now than ever. You know how many times I've heard the lame pick-up line "you need a daddy for that baby?" Ugh...
katt_is_here 24
#160 that must get old. Guys are creeps sometimes.