Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML
Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML
Today, my roommate finally cleaned her cat's very full litter box. I later found our only good spatula crusted with kitty feces, which she'd left on the kitchen counter for me to find. FML
Today, I finally tested out my new robot vacuum cleaner. My puppy decided she would test it out too by leaving a brown surprise for it to find, which it did. There are now brown marks in every room of the house. FML
Today, I sleepily sprang out of bed to battle a determined off-brand rattly Roomba for the right to clear up a large puddle of cat barf. Guess who won… FML
Today, I dropped my wedding ring on the carpet. Just as I was about to pick it up, my Roomba sucked it up. FML
Today, it was my first night house-sitting my friend's place while he's on vacation. I was reading in bed when I heard scratching downstairs, so I called him in a panic. He told me to check the kitchen. I did. It was his automatic robot vacuum thing, which he'd never thought to mention before, and it was repeatedly trying to climb onto a slipper. FML
Today, I came home to shredded tissues all over the floor. I yelled at my dog, who looked guilty but confused. Turns out, it wasn’t him, it was my robot vacuum cleaner again. It had sucked up a bunch of tissues and napkins from under the couch and then spread them all over the place like confetti. I owe my dog an apology. FML
Today, my husband and I cleaned our house. We swept, mopped, vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed. We moved the furniture and got in the cracks. We were extremely thorough. At 9 p.m., our cat had diarrhea and he got it all over himself. He didn't know what to do, so he ran through the house, spraying poop everywhere. FML
Today, I watched as my poor old cat dragged his ass across our living room carpet, leaving an equally long shit stain on our pristine carpet. My pleas for him to stop only made his diarrhea worse as he ran off. FML
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Top comments
shinklefly 20
Waiting for the shitty puns
604 11
You've cat to be kitten me right meow!
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Comments (84)
TMastaFresh 10
What's a roomba?
milehigh52 22
that's what Google is for.
xleanne_aLly 23
Or another thing FML is for. Who has time to Google anything, when you can just scroll down?
joyboy390 12
Its good you dont know that means youre not lazy good job!
Ki11erC 18
Paying someone else to clean up instead makes them just as lazy...
anonymous100000 17
they don't tell you that in the commercials lol thanks for the laugh OP. hopefully it wasn't ruined and/or you can clean or replace it.
Cyrus00 41
I like the way 5 people have replied but his question is still not answered
shinklefly 20
Waiting for the shitty puns
Roku_Crow 12
I see what you did there
tygerarmy 35
Maybe it's a Poomba.. It's crap, but it's all I had to throw on the floor, I mean comment wall, or whatever, well shit you know what it mean.
tygerarmy 35
I mean. Auto correct changed, I fixed it, and it still switched back. Can't wait to get rid of this iTurd.
badluckalex 23
android>iphone
tygerarmy 35
Only if one of the OP's other electronics is named Timon. Of course the OP's cats are Simba and Nala.
Regimental_Phan 18
wait....if Scar and Mufasa are the only male lions in the pack...WHO IN THE HELL IS NALA'S FATHER?!?!?! I SMELL SOME DISNEY INCEST HERE!
headphones23 6
Actually, there was originally a song in The Lion King that hinted that Scar raped Nala, so...
riffehunter 16
57, thats pretty much how lion prides work.
bearstyle22 11
shitty luck
milehigh52 22
Do you actually think that is funny?!
xSphinx 18
Do you actually think anyone cares about you because of how many likes you get for judging someone?
lyricalservant 21
that's what happens when shit hits the roomba.
more4me 27
pretty much! OK , I'll let myself out ...
i_wuz_nver_here 31
Perfect. Picture.
bearstyle22 11
it would be hilarious to see your cat/dog one day sitting on it while its cleaning your living room. Thats just comedy
JustinJK 21
They have videos of this. YouTube it. My cat used to hate my roomba, but now she tries to play with it or completely ignores it.
604 11
You've cat to be kitten me right meow!
Genius_Kitty 27
This is literally ( figuratively ) my worst nightmare.
Cely988 29
I suggest you look up what the words literally & figuratively mean before you use them in the same sentence.
biebahood 15
that's a good oxymoron though... but still doesn't make sense.
Allnightampm 18
He put the parenthesis there so no one would soaz out and lecture the shit out of us
wvcheesehead 13
Yes, having to clean up a little cat shit sounds much worse than some insignificant thing like nuclear holocaust. You need to upgrade your nightmares.
alitairi 18
^thats why he put figuratively in parentheses. he said literally for over exaggeration, but figuratively so we all know he knows what they both mean.
Cely988 29
#35 First of all, #8 is a she, not a he. 2nd of all, I didn't "spaz out". 3rd of all, writing English correctly won't kill you so how about you stop "spazzing out" when someone tries to correct someone else.
greekk 21
While being a grammar nazi, second of all and third of all don't work the way you think they do. Secondly and thirdly are fine, but not the way you put it. so please stop being nazi when you sound like a sped. biggest hate is those grammar freaks. pls leave.
Cely988 29
#58 FYI, English isn't my native language so obviously I won't know everything. Also, stop being so butthurt, it's amusing.
tantanpanda 26
lol, #50, the "spaz out" wasn't referring to you. I guess it applies now.
xSphinx 18
Who the **** cares?
RobinGoodfellow 47
And this is why we check for poos first.
PenguinBitch 44
Robots and cats plotting together to make our lives miserable? I sense a plot to destroy humanity.
AviKerensky 17
This doesn't even deserve a pun. That ******' sucks.