Today, I had to explain to my grandmother why, "What a nice singing voice! He doesn't sound black at all!" is not a compliment. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, because no one else was willing to, I had to explain to my uncle that he's white, that I'm not his grandfather, and that he's mentally challenged. FML
Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the N-word. FML
Today, my racist grandmother was complaining that the new nurse at her nursing home is a black woman. I casually asked, "Is she cute?" I'm now out of the will. FML
Today, we had a group of friends over, as well as my grandma. She started talking about me when I was a kid, when I suddenly heard her saying, "Well, yeah, she wasn’t a beautiful child, not at all, she looked.… OK." FML
Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML
Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML
Today, my grandmother tried to lecture me about discrimination. This is the same woman who lies about her grandchildren's race, and tried to convince a Jewish person that the Jews were responsible for the Holocaust. FML
Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML
Today, I met my "grandson". Even though my son and his wife are both lily white, the child was clearly half-black. I pulled my son aside to have a word, but he said, "Her grandmother was black and she has recessive genes, it's really rare." I can't believe I raised this dumbass. FML
Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that, "Old people are allowed to tell the truth." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
tygerarmy 35
Grandparents always have the best racist compliments. My grandpa loves everyone, but hates every race. So he always says that person is a good insert racial epithet here after they leave.
lex1459 38
I once had to tell my mom that saying "you're out of your cotton picking mind" was racist.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (65)
lyricalservant 21
How does one sound black exactly?
Mauskau 36
Listen to rap, and anyone that tries to rap. Most of them sound the same.
tygerarmy 35
I don't know what rap you listen to, but the rap I listen to is very well written, and very well spoken, even if it is very quickly.
Queensland 27
Compare an Australian singer to Iggy Azalea. You'll see the difference
Ogodwhyzzz 6
As a black person myself, you can tell. Listen to let's say Louie Armstrong and then listen to Frank Sinatra. Listen to N'Sync then to Boys 2 Men
tygerarmy 35
Also from your side of the pond, Scroobius Pip.
Ravensmoon666 19
Scroobius pip vs Dan le sac.
Uglyfeet 23
As a counter example, listen to Paulo Cesar Baruk and Djavan... seriously, you can't TELL who IS black or white by their voices... you only have styles and characteristics that are more likely to be sung by white or black performers, hence the "black/white sounding", but without limitation or prohibition based on skin colour ;)
russfml 31
I'm not black but I agree there's a definite difference in the tone of voice, even in some cases of talking you can tell and not lingo or stereotypically speaking
patrickalamo 48
I think her grandmother's generation would have referred to it as Jive...
tazmanmike2013 17
It's not racist to recognize difference. It's our differences that make us stronger. Just think, if we were all identical the world would be a pretty boring place. So, yes there are difference and there's nothing wrong with pointing that out, it's how it's pointed out that can either be positive or negative.
incoherentrmblr 22
Rick Astley is the perfect example for this. Many people thought he was black. Complete opposite...
Uglyfeet 23
Maybe there is a statistical distribution of particular "tones" which are more likely to be present on blacks than whites, or something of the like... Yet, once upon a time there were Michael Jackson's voice :P
tygerarmy 35
Grandparents always have the best racist compliments. My grandpa loves everyone, but hates every race. So he always says that person is a good insert racial epithet here after they leave.
lestethegreat 10
Haha! Reminds me of my Gram. One day she said "Well, he's a nicely dressed Indian." & I told her she couldn't say that, it was rude. She comes back with "Fine, a well dressed Native American then!" Ahh, old ppl. They loose their filter as the years pass.
Brandi_Faith 34
I think a lot of it was how they were raised as well, it's like they literally don't know they're being offensive or racist in some cases. That's why they need their grandchildren to teach them, just like Op did.
onlychildFTW 34
I think people are way too sensitive and over react about what's racist. We are going way to far with the political correctness. People need thicker skin.
mrs_w 3
You're dismissive-ness & thinking that people are being "too sensitive" to something that actually gets people killed EVERY SINGLE DAY is part of the problem. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. "It's just a joke." "Get over it." "There are way more awful things." "You're being over dramatic." "You're being too serious."
lex1459 38
I once had to tell my mom that saying "you're out of your cotton picking mind" was racist.
Vestin 18
This is just a stab in the dark, but I think you're wrong. Wittgenstein has taught us that "meaning is use". If your mother isn't racist and wasn't trying to be racist, what she said wasn't "racist". It was no more racist than you quoting it.
tazmanmike2013 17
That is not a racist comment at all.
littleteapot 21
I had to explain to my mom why she shouldn't say she's going to try to "Jew him down" when negotiating a deal.
Retaheki 27
Saying "a stab in the dark" is offensive to gays, bro. (reference to an older FML)
devildog562 33
#26 very well played! Your comment and argument made my day. Thank you.
lex1459 38
The thing is though, we have to tell her things like that. My mom very frequently says inappropriate or racist things without knowing their meaning, so we try to stop them as best we can. For example, she almost called somebody a twat because she thought it was slang for friend.
Queensland 27
Was she talking about Michael Jackson?
rjt93 18
Was that Darude Sandstorm? I am curious.
ilysmfae 9
Is she referring to Sam Smith? Just a guess.
avx_fml 8
well sam smith isn't black, but people think he is because of his unique voice.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
More likely George Ezra over Sam Smith. But it could literally have been anyone, OP never mentioned if it was a celebrity or not.
littleteapot 21
True. I thought Sam Smith was black until he performed love at an awards show. He has a more soulful voice than a lot of the bubblegum pop singers out right now.
ilysmfae 9
My mistake. I read the FML too fast. I thought OP's grandmother said that his singing voice sounded "black" like how people mistake Sam Smith to be black because of his voice :)
xluciferx666 21
All I can think of when I read FML's like these is the racist scene in clerks II
BlondePsycho 43
She probably shouldnt voice her opinions in public.
BlondePsycho 43
As a kid i used to just assume Amy Whinehouse was black based on her voice. In retrospect that was pretty dumb.
FemskyD 26
Haha its hard for grandparents to keep up these days :)