Today, I got in trouble for shooting my paintball gun at a piece of wood, so my dad told me to go wash it. While I was washing it, he shot me several times in the back, yelling, "That's payback for being born." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
Today, I went to a paintball match with my family and the family of my brother's girlfriend. A few minutes into, my brother's girlfriend's dad snuck up on me, unloaded into me from behind, and snarled, "That's for knocking my daughter up." He got the wrong guy. My back is killing me. FML
Today, I went shooting with my dad and he brought his grandfather's rifle with him. I’ve never shot it before and he told me to be careful with it. The bullet exploded, ruptured the barrel, cut my face, and made me deaf in one ear. Dad still blamed me for “not shooting it properly.” FML
Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML
Today, while at school, some jerk shot me in the foot with a BB gun. While in agonizing pain, I yelled, "FUCK" as loud as possible. A teacher walked by, oblivious to the fact I had just been shot with a BB gun and wrote me up for, "Disrespectful language". FML
Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML
Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
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Top comments
wvni 13
So your dad's issue with you is that he caused your mom to give birth to you? Alrighty then, that's a thing. Hope your back gets better soon OP.
MzZombicidal 36
This FML just makes me sad :(
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Comments (73)
wvni 13
So your dad's issue with you is that he caused your mom to give birth to you? Alrighty then, that's a thing. Hope your back gets better soon OP.
wallamanut 14
OP should just shoot him in the balls and say "Now you don't have to worry about it happening again. you're welcome."
possy 19
Op.... Ur dads ******* awesome!!
watermelon15 35
Rude parent.
devildog562 33
Definitely not the pullout King.
1tsmenoah 20
Pullout game weak af
MzZombicidal 36
This FML just makes me sad :(
ChristianH39 30
Same, I couldn't imagine having such a crappy parent
botanistjessica 24
Wow. Obviously, that was the mature thing to do...
silvercamaro 22
That makes perfect sense to me, father of the year award worthy, actually
MrDonSalvetti 27
FML is not the right place to make ironic comments anymore, dude.
asnakelovinbabe 16
That's not irony, that's sarcasm.
enddmd 27
Well, sarcasm is a form of irony.
Bibliovore 26
Wow. Okay, so, lessons learned: 1) Don't shoot a paintball gun at anything that might hurt or cause objections, and, as your father so kindly demonstrated, 2) don't be a jerk. Sorry, OP.
1tsmenoah 20
I don't see where you were went with this, or intended to take it
Cheezits4dayz 14
Shoot him in the balls.
nechelle365 16
Don't want him to make the same mistake twice!
jimmer23 21
So maybe shoot him in HIS wood next time.
jimmer23 21
And then we're talking about a whole new kind of therapy.
salespeople123 6
Payback time bitch
spikey818 9
That's a colorful relationship.