Today, I got a 'Good Morning' text from my boyfriend. Since I hadn't gotten one of those in a while, I thought it was rather nice. That is, until I saw the picture that accompanied it. It was of him, sitting on the toilet and taking a shit. FML
All the FMLs
Today, I went driving for the first time with my mom. When she wasn't screaming, she gave great advice like, "Stop at the red light" and "Don't crash into cars". I need to drive 50 hours with her. FML
Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML
Today, I overheard a large group of my friends and acquaintances making spontaneous plans to go see a movie that afternoon. I was the only person not invited. Normally I would have believed their excuse that they thought I was "sick at home", except I was sitting a few feet away the entire time. FML
ifeelsoloved tells us more.
I didn't have enough room to tell the full story, but yeah... I'm pretty shy :/ I can talk to strangers and people fine and introduce myself to people, and I like to think I'm a nice person to be around, but I hate "inconvieniencing people" so I was scared to go over and ask if I could come too cause I thought my presence would make things awkward and ruin it for everyone... yeah. My parents got mad at me too when I told them, but I'm just really socially awkward so that happens a lot. Also, they're just a really close group of friends with all the same classes, etc and I'm just sort of that weird outlier lol. Most of the people in the group were acquiantances who I talked to occasionally but weren't very close to, though there were a couple of friends I was closer with a couple years ago when neither of us really had friends then I am now. And honestly, those "friends" definitely use me and take more than they give; they come to me for a shoulder to cry on and a secret-keeper to rant to but don't really talk to me otherwise... I'm the last resort :( I definitely recognize that they aren't he healthiest relationships, and I would disassociate myself from them altogether, but I honestly don't have anyone else ;-; Better to have half-friends than no one, reputation wise... Plus, I'm transferring to a new school this year so yay for fresh starts! I'm just staying optimistic that I'll find some... more faithful friends I guess. Thank you to the people who posted nice messages, I honestly needed that :)
Today, I managed to get my 4-year-old son to agree that, "cigarettes are poop." I was a lot less proud of myself when he pointed at a 6-foot bodybuilder-type dude in the subway and yelled, "That man smells of pooooooop." FML
Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML
Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML
Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML
Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML
Today, after pulling an all-nighter studying for an exam, I caught the bus to college. On the way there, the bus decided to make sweet love to a taxi, creating a pile-up and a traffic jam. I didn't make it to the exam in time. FML
Today, I found out just how much my dog likes ice-cream when she tackled a little girl at a park for hers. FML
Darbstar101 tells us more.
Darbstar101 19
OP here, yes the girl was fine and laughing when I ran up to her to see if she was okay. My dogs just a very large, very excitable english mastiff puppy and the girl loves dogs so it worked out fine after I bought her another ice-cream. And my puppy wasn't on a leash because we were at a dog park playing with other dogs and she was very fired up. The little girls parent saw what happened and were very understanding :)
Today, I started lactating. That would be fine if I had a kid. Or was pregnant. Or wasn't 16. FML
NotDying tells us more.
Thanks for the comments and suggestions. This has actually happened to me a few times before. I have a strange medical condition that affects my hormones, so that is the most likely culprit. I am seeing quite a few doctors, and none of them are very concerned. They have conducted quite a few tests and nothing was too out of the ordinary. I do not have a tumor (thankfully). To #1, I have been told not to express it because that can encourage my body to produce more milk, but that was quite a nice suggestion. I didn't actually know they did that. :) #3 I am actually not on the pill because I reacted badly to it due to my condition. (I had my period for 5 months straight. Yeah, that wasn't very fun) Also, to everyone suggesting I may be pregnant, my purity ring would beg to differ ;P Again, thanks for the concern and the laughs :) but the situation is under control. Bye!
Today, I did the smart thing and bought an umbrella before walking to work. My efforts proved useless when a truck ran through a huge puddle and drenched me from head to toe. My underwear was still wet 4 hours later. FML
Tadpolecrusader tells us more.
I love reading your comments, they are amazing :D I thought it only happened in comics that sort of thing too. But the sheer force of this wave actually made me nearly fall over (the road drainage pipe was blocked I can only assume). And living in Australia means that we are not used to much rain. But I sure was wishing I had taken more notice. That being said, I can also add that the idea of bring extra clothes to work because of rain is a fairly foreign idea to us. Usually its just a light sprinkle throughout the day if at all, so often people don't even worry about an umbrella, unless we know its going to get heavy. As for work, I don't think my manager cared too much, she just found me a towel and let me do what I needed to. And I have no idea if the truck driver did it on purpose or even noticed. But judging the position of everything, I would say it was unavoidable for him. And he was coming up behind me, so I don't see him coming to avoid it. 10/10 will be more careful in the future :)
Today, I got disappointed when I realized that I had to share a bed with my husband because we had company over. FML
Today, I was talking with my mother. As we went to say goodbye, she said "I love you". Out of habit of saying I love you to my girlfriend, I said, "Love you too babe". FML
_1CrazyEyes1_ tells us more.
OP here. First off I am a girl. Second we were talking on the phone so it was not as awkward as it could have been. The awkward thing is that she didn't really approve of my relationship at first and still is getting adjusted to the idea. She kind of just laughed it off but I couldn't tell if it was an awkward silence laugh or a funny laugh.
Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML
Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML
stitchesgirl12 tells us more.
OP here! No, my stitches weren't anywhere near my butt, I have a bunch on my arm. And, well.. the doctor sewed me up really tight, and I legitimately ripped them while pushing. Lmao. Not my finest moment, but definitely FML worthy. The doctors in the Niagara Region were half asleep over the Easter weekend, my sewed up wound actually looks like a ******.
Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, "You're going to need more than that to cover up that face." FML
Today, I woke up to it raining. My area really needs it, so it's great. I didn't expect to wake up to a hole in the roof though. FML
mrningbrd tells us more.
mrningbrd 19
Hello im op. I live in california, so its nice to have rain. It rained so hard last night that there's a steady dribble of rain dripping on my bed. We're short on money right now though, so it'll be a while until it can be fixed
Today, after over six weeks of not getting a single shift at my part time job, I finally went in to meet my new manager. He didn't even know I existed. Apparently my old manager lied and said I quit so they hired someone else. FML
nattlecakes tells us more.
Alright. OP here. My workplace switched managers due to our store getting a bad rating from corporate and sales basically tanking. He was demoted to a different store and instead decided to quit. I wasn't getting hours before my old manager left either. I had talked to him and he said the ratio with sales versus hours employees are working was out of whack or something along those lines, and since I hadn't been fully trained yet I couldn't run the shop on my own or even with one to two others there since they would have been either doing all the work or they wouldn't have needed me there. Also pretty much very other co worker had been whittled down to only one to three shifts a week other than the supervisors so that was out of my control but things are supposed to change when the new manager comes in. My new manager comes in a few weeks ago and I was still coming in every week to check the schedule. At this point nobody knew that's what my old manager had said. I kept seeing coworkers and talking to them, but never my new manager so I checked to see when he would be in. Inconveniently, just after this new manager transferred to our store he went on a two and a half week vacation (three weeks of work). The day he comes back in I come in and introduce myself and say I would like to discuss hours, and he has the most confused look on his face ever. I punch in my employee number and it says I am no longer employed. That's when we called the owner and figure out what had happened. They said they would call me. That was on Saturday and it's now Tuesday, so i have no idea whether or not I will be getting my job back. Either way I am looking for employment elsewhere since I obviously don't have much stability at my current workplace and the business is suffering badly anyway.
Feline stalker
Today, I was outside with my two new kittens. A woman came rushing over, saying how glad she was that they were outside. She then started complaining that she had only been able to see them through the windows previously. I have no idea who she is or where she lives. FML
Customers from hell
Today, while at my job, a couple became angry with me because I charged them for an extra ranch they'd ordered, as I'm supposed to. When I explained how it says in the menu how any additional sauces are an extra charge, she said nastily, "That's okay, we'll just take it out of your tip". FML
Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't answer her phone calls while we were at a parade. I was in it. FML
Today, my mother admitted to me that she sends me up and down the stairs to get things for her because she thinks I could use the exercise. FML
Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML
Today, I spent my last $50 to get a ticket to take my daughter out for a nice birthday dinner tonight. It wasn't until after I purchased it that I realized the restaurant isn't even open on Mondays. FML
Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML
Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML
Today, I got hit by a car. Not a real one, though; my sister thought it would be funny to take her RC car and smash it over my head as hard as she could. FML
Gilan tells us more.
Gilan 14
So a follow up. Once my head felt better I did buy her a new one. I do see a few asking what I did to deserve this. She's only three and didn't realize there would be any consequences, only thinking it would be funny. The only thing I can think of doing to even possibly deserve it is I told her she needed to stop running around yelling. But nah, all's well now I guess
Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML