Today, I found out my car needs an oil change. I had to listen the warning alert beep for over 200 miles. FML
needagoodlaugh tells us more.
The car has a computer system that tells you the problem. It needed an oil change and it keeps beeping until you do it. Considering it just came on yesterday it was safe to drive home without getting it changed.
Today, I found my first bra and tried it on. It still fits. FML
Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML
Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
Today, I was forced into accepting a "promotion" for a position that pays less than what I get right now. FML
Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML
Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML
Today, I found out I wasn't invited to the annual family reunion. The reason? Everyone thinks I'm "creepy" because I'm the only adult who will go out and play with the kids. FML
Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML
Today, I explained to my sister that the reason she isn't getting job offers is probably because her résumé is in Comic Sans and contains TXT language and a lot of typos. She thanked me for my help by calling me a "clueless horse-fucker" and telling me to shut my mouth. FML
Today, at my cousin's wedding, there was a bouquet toss. I jumped to catch it, only to get knocked down and crushed by a woman twice my size who'd jumped backwards. It still feels like someone shattered my ribs with a sledgehammer. FML
Today, my mom let me know that I'll have to spend my entire tax return on replacing my car brakes. The reason I need new brakes is because almost every single time she uses the car, she floors the gas while the parking brake is still on. FML
_Tater_Tot_ tells us more.
Today, my internet was out and wasn't due to be fixed until at least Tuesday. I'm a grad student with a lot of online research to do and deadlines to meet, so I desperately bought an expensive and non-returnable portable wifi hub. An hour ago, the internet came back on. FML
WiFucked tells us more.
WiFucked 4
Hello everyone, OP here. I'm surprised this made it in! The main problem with the internet going down when it did was that the library has very limited hours during Easter break and, also due to the holiday, my department and almost all university facilities are closed, which is where I would normally go to get internet if I couldn't have it at home. I also 'could' get free wifi in places like cafes, but often cannot get any meaningful work done in public places where people are being loud and I don't have room for my books, notebooks, etc. I also thought it would be worth it to be able to work at home since I am a night owl and do most of my best work in the evenings, when most places where I could get free wifi would be closed. In addition, the day I submitted the FML wasn't the first day the internet had been out, and I had been having trouble finding a peaceful place to work while being repeatedly told that Tuesday was the earliest I could expect to get regular internet back. It was also a bigger problem because I live in university housing (college) and the internet was out in my entire college AND in the one next to mine, so I figured that I wouldn't be the only one to use the wireless thing (as we all have deadlines to meet and I wasn't the only one upset about this) and the others could chip in for the cost. I wouldn't even have minded shouldering the cost myself if I was actually going to get some use out of the thing because it would have been worth it to be able to work at home, or at least in a more comfortable location than a fast food restaurant or Starbucks. I just thought it was irritating (and funny at my own expense) that the internet picked both the worst time to go out AND to come back on. Since it seemed like a belated and very elaborate April Fool's joke on me, I decided to make something good of it and send it in to FML. By the way, I don't THINK I can return the thing, but I'll be going back in to the shop to check on that on Tuesday, and, if not, as others have said I can always get use out of it while travelling, or if the internet goes out again, which it has before (not at any particularly crucial times before this though). At the very least, now I have a funny story to tell.
Today, I went to see my ill granddad in hospital. I saw lots of doctors around his bed, and they pronounced him dead, so I ran out crying. A little later, I found out that my granddad had been moved, and it was a different man in his bed. FML
Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML
Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML
Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year-old guy. FML
Today, I was let go from my internship for "not putting in enough effort". I was working 50 hours a week for almost zero pay. FML
Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML
Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML
Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML
Today, at the DMV, I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and that my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, placing my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML
Today, while at work, a guy complained about me "touching his fries." At first I thought it was a joke, because he kept smiling, even after I offered him new ones. I realized it wasn't a joke when he threw the fries on the counter. FML
Today, I was reprimanded at work for having a low friendliness rating as a cashier. For two months, out of 1500 transactions, only 3 people filled out the survey. I almost got fired because 1 out of 3 people was mad about a coupon. FML
Winterbelle tells us more.
Hiya, OP here! I'm honestly surprised this was posted, but hopefully I can make a few things clear! I work at a Super Target, and honestly, the thing most irritating to me is that they didn't immediately notice how low my amount of transactions are. a normal week of cashiering at the front lanes is about 900-1300 transactions. Having 1500 for two months is abnormally low, especially for a full time cashier like me. It should've been taken into account that I'm not often at the lanes when they told me my score, but it is what it is. For those telling me to have friends fill out a survey, I like how you think but unfortunately the surveys are printed on receipts and it is sporadic. I never know which receipt will get one until it prints, and I always inform guests when they get one and ask that if they have time to go ahead and tell us how we're doing. Lastly, my manager was super understanding. She knew I was hardly ever doing cashiering on a normal lane, and she was telling me about my personal score because we had an important guy from Corporate coming in and we had to know, my score just caught the other team leads off guard and they were initially upset at how low it was, until they learned why. I believe my score is actually the lowest of all cashiers here. So in short, it was all a misunderstanding because of the amount of times I actually cashier on the checkout lanes. Thank you for all the awesome and hilarious comments! Hopefully my novella helped clear some things up! 8)
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
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