Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML
Quick thinking
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML
Criminal Minds
Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML
A+ for effort…
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
Not a sponsored post
Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Call the cops!
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML
My chocolate
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML
Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML
Top comments
leopardwilliam 22
Had this happen to me. Not fun at all. Hope he's okay and don't feel too bad, you forgot. It happens occasionally
Redskin9999 19
Should have made your username "nut hunter." Really missed your chance there
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (133)
leopardwilliam 22
Had this happen to me. Not fun at all. Hope he's okay and don't feel too bad, you forgot. It happens occasionally
PennyLane27 32
I'm sure OP felt aweful. But, she needs to feel SOME remorse, so she doesn't "forget" again and "oops" accidentally kill her boyfriend. Epi Pens aren't a guarantee. Now that she sees how serious nut allergies are, the safest thing for her to do is adapt his lifestyle.
Myo_fml 20
I have a boyfriend with a severe peanut allergy. I thankfully haven't screwed up yet. I've entirely cut out peanut products for the last two years though. you really do have to adapt to their lifestyle though. it is too dangerous to play around with.
coried91 28
My in laws have a friend that brought cookies home that were processed in a facility that handles a variety of nuts. Their son was severely allergic and ate one. He was rushed to the hospital, ended up in a coma and died within a week. He was only 9. You can't just have an accidental screw up.. Those screw ups may be the last memory you have of that person.
sweetnsourrr 11
You guys are acting like she was trying to do it intentionally, they're called accidents for a reason. accidents are always going to happen no matter how careful you are, there is no such thing as being careful 100% of time, we will eventually slip and thats part of life.
Myo_fml 20
there's just very little margin for error. if you're going to be with someone with a nut allergy, you HAVE to commit to a life of no nuts. I read labels very carefully as well. kit Kats are pretty much the only chocolate bars that I can have and THAT'S even a stretch because of the" May contain"
gotapenny 7
Exactly!! I was with my ex for five years. He was severely allergic for peanuts, and within the first month I gave up everything with peanuts and anything that may contain traces of.
rebelbelle 17
sounds romantic
CoGhostRider 31
Love hurts
SarcasticShade 16
She's nuts for him. Because they both try to kill him.
DarkAvalon 8
Oh Romeo, where arth thou allergy. For i are truly lonely without thine nuts
Redskin9999 19
Holy crap that's NUTS!
gracehi 33
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Nutella > Love
rhiannahoward14 19
Living a nut free life > committing involuntary manslaughter
drunk_crow 12
Understanding sarcasm>Not understanding
gracehi 33
Thank you, 38. It baffles me that so many people on this COMEDY site take things so seriously.
Llama_Face89 34
42- if it helps, I lagged pretty damn hard at that comment. XD
thelegendarycarl 12
'Tis the truth.
SystemofaBlink41 27
Paraphrasing the wise Louis CK, if you get killed by touching a nut, maybe you kind of deserve to die.
davidpropert 32
At least, for that split second, he got to discover the joy that is nutella
engineerosaurus 26
Sounds like there wasn't much joy involved at all. ?
Oat_Oat 4
Exactly. I don't understand why people flip over Nutella. It's gross and there's no love there. Nutella is the cum of Satan.
nickaa827 13
#58 you are sorely mistaken
Jinxsie 27
Yeah, #58. You're mistaken. Satan's cum is a compliment. Nutella is just pure shit. I ate it as a child before it got super popular. I can't stand it.
Ajf92002 23
I don't like Nutella >.
DeadPixel4 29
#58, marmite is the cum of satan
jtfrisch 22
The only nuts you'll have from now on are his
pureportedpear 27
Hope he is okay OP, but look on the bright side, atleast the exam went well.
Musicforlife29 12
I remember the allergies of people I haven't seen in years, not sure how you could forget your boyfriend's..
CoGhostRider 31
I think it's more she forgot she had eaten it.
StephenTHunt 4
OP may have only been dating them for a short time..
epilepticloh 20
Not everyone has the same memory as you...
1947Chevy 17
It's not that hard to forget about. So many food allergies run in my family that to feed everybody sometimes we have to cook 3 meals or more and almost always somebody gets left out of something good. My mom is allergic to tomatoes so no pizza or barbecue sauce a lot of my family have severe nut allergies.
Theadyren 22
Exactly what I was thinking.
Toonice45 19
I have a nut allergy and my own parents are continually offering me food with nuts. My girlfriend doesn’t remember what I'm allergic to but remembers I have an allergy so she at least asks first. I don't let it bother me. I'm responsible for what I eat.
MrsHaxxo 22
At least you did not kill him ^^
Redskin9999 19
Should have made your username "nut hunter." Really missed your chance there