Nearly FMLs

By ForeverAlone - 01/08/2016 23:58 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my mom offered to take me out for the first time in years, only to cancel our plans. I was super bummed and told my boyfriend, who offered a sympathy date since he felt bad about it. He cancelled too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 39

By kittywings - 01/08/2016 23:20

Today, I got into an argument with a friend, in his kitchen. He has two identical doors leading out of his kitchen: one for his pantry, and one that goes out into the hallway. Guess which one I accidentally stormed off into to blow off some steam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 65

By tired worker - 01/08/2016 21:13 - United States - Crossville

Today, I got a gushing nosebleed out of no where at work. I'm wearing a lavender shirt and working a 13hr shift by myself and I'm not even half way through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 32

By SteveBassist - 01/08/2016 18:37 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, my girlfriend and I have only had sex once in 3 months. She complains she's always tired from working 12 hour shifts at her new job. Her boss knows she wants earlier finishes but refuses to give her them. I'm being cockblocked by her boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 34

By FML_4_REAL__ - 01/08/2016 18:17

Today, I was hanging with a friend at a bar when I get a call from my clingy girlfriend, which I ignore because I know she's just make sure I am not cheating. Ten minutes later I look out the window to see her hammering my car!! FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 57

By UniqueUserID - 01/08/2016 17:58 - United States - Dayton

Today, a customer stood in front of the deli counter where I work and watched me prepping food. I asked if she needed help and she said, "No." She then muttered that I am a stupid idiot and need to get a real job. When I said, "huh?" she smiled and told me to have a nice day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 27

By Brianarune - 01/08/2016 05:57

Today, as my friend was leaving he leaned in to kiss me. When I leaned in too, he jerked his entire body back and said "Are you f*cking kidding me?" FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 162

By anon - 01/08/2016 04:49 - United States - South Lake Tahoe

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me before I had to go to work. As I was trying to hold back my tears my boss told me I should start wearing makeup to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 76

By meltingturtle - 01/08/2016 02:00 - United States - Stanwood

Today, I was downtown and decided to stop by my dad's office to say hi. I get in the elevator and swipe my pass. As soon as I got up to his floor I was escorted out by security and accused of stealing the pass I used. My dad is the CFO, and he gave me that pass, which I use all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 58

By anonymous - 01/08/2016 00:12 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my mother yet again refused to get her eyes tested. This was after she confused the tv remote for her iPhone while holding it in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 49

By Pet Stylepissed - 31/07/2016 23:19

Today, my company decided to change its pay system, saying we'll make more money and drive more sales. I now make $100 less a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 45

By Potatophallus - 31/07/2016 22:22 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, after an embarrassing previous trip to the ER to remove a foreign object stuck in my colon, I was contacted by the hospital because they had found out I had lung cancer after my chest/abdomen xray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 49

By chocolateteacup - 31/07/2016 20:58 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was given the privilege to watch ice melt for a science project and write up an essay on my findings. I can live happily now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 62

By sad pharmacist - 31/07/2016 20:56 - United States - Peterborough

Today, a young woman bought the morning-after pill at my pharmacy. She looked like she had been crying, so I told her how effective the pills were and that "It'll be alright." She then blurted, "Yeah, but how good is it on dogs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 46

By ApparentlyOldLady - 31/07/2016 20:42 - United Kingdom - Bishops Stortford

Today, I gave the cashier my ID when buying a bottle of wine. Her comment: "Well you've changed a lot." Holding the card up to my face to compare, she goes: "Ooh, you've aged!" Thanks. I'm only 23! FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 45

By anonymous - 31/07/2016 20:23 - United States - Dallas

Today, me and my boyfriend where making out. He took my shirt off and paused and asked me "is that your sisters bra?" . FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 46

By Really_DoNotCare - 31/07/2016 20:09 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I found a nose ring in my dad's floor board of his car. Neither him, my mum, or I have any piercings. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 42

By Hysrogynh0e4 - 31/07/2016 19:48 - United States - Hawley

Today, I found myself on the internet. I was featured in a PublicAgent porn video. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 63

By Anonymous - 31/07/2016 19:38 - United States

Today, found out my girlfriend of 11 months has been cheating on me for 3 of those months with the guy she told me I had "nothing to worry about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 42

By everyone's an actor - 31/07/2016 19:38 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that this is the third guy in a row that I've dated that gives me a "stage name" instead of their real name. Dating in Los Angeles is hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 31

By Festivalgoer - 31/07/2016 19:20 - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today I learned that if you've been drinking for 3 days straight without eating much you should not trust a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 163

By cryeverytime - 31/07/2016 19:20 - Madagascar

Today, on one of the final nights of my vacation in Madagascar, my great uncle, who is not the nicest man, loudly insulted the waitress while she was pouring us a drink. With her being native to Madagascar, he didn't think she spoke English. She did, and now he is mad at ME for not warning him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 40

By Applesauce06636 - 31/07/2016 18:21 - United States - Issaquah

Today is my first day camping in the woods. Everything would've been perfect except my period decided to come a week early. By the time I found out I was already at the campsite and I didn't have any supplies. I'm going to spend the next five days here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 59

By CasinoGuy - 31/07/2016 17:56 - United States

I am a security officer at a local casino. We often have to throw people out who are under the influence of drugs or for loitering. Today was the day that I had to throw out a guy high on meth who decided to run through the casino stark naked wiping his junk on guests. I had to tackle him down.

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 39

By shortyybrooke - 31/07/2016 17:36 - United States - Houston

Today, I decided to try uber for the first time after several recommendations. The car smelt of rotten milk and the aftermath of an even more rotten fart. I'm on the way to work & I'm almost positive the smell stuck to my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 36

By Anonymous - 31/07/2016 17:20

Today, I finally decided to download a dating app. I expected to cross some weirdos but what I did not expect was to cross my sister's fiancé. Thought that it may be an old account but he had just posted "who wants to hook up?" The wedding is in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 34

By Dancruz98 - 31/07/2016 16:07 - United States - Hamden

Today was the day, I finally finished paying off my first car. No more payment just me and my car until midnight when the engine decided to blow it's brains out leaving car less and now broke for the next couple months FML.

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 91

By billiejoeinabox - 31/07/2016 11:09

Today, it marks the 4th day of no sex with my boyfriend. This is odd for us, since we're a couple with a high libido. He claimed it was because I once wore a perfume like his mom's, but it turned out he cheated on me and felt so guilty he couldn't get it up. That's 4 years down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 73

By unappreciated - 31/07/2016 06:06 - Australia - Caulfield North

Today, my friend bitched to me about the fact that I'm too uptight and never let her have any fun. This is after I spent last night cleaning the apartment and taking her to the hospital after she got shitfaced and passed out in a pool of her own vomit, nearly choking to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 65

By DangerRanger - 31/07/2016 05:48

Today, while tending to my feverish and puking 4 year old in the house, someone sideswiped my husband's truck, totaling it, and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 50

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The Top

Today, my lunatic conspiracy theorist coworker started ranting about meat bans. I rolled my eyes, but he pulled up my city's website, where they said they wanted to "phase out" meat and dairy consumption by 2030. These nuts are supposed to be wrong! What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 349

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 775

You deserved it 4 432

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 206

You deserved it 3 975

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public bathroom. As I was about to put the tampon into the sanitary bin, I dropped it and it rolled under the stall next to mine. It was occupied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 447

You deserved it 1 133

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 486

You deserved it 5 308

Today, I went to lick the excess peanut butter off the knife after making a PB and J. Turns out the knife can and will cut your tongue, even though you don't think it will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 767

You deserved it 62 558