Nearly FMLs

By hoponpip - 29/07/2016 11:35 - Australia - Bentley

Today, I went to a cafe with my best friend, as it was my birthday. Because I'd had such a good time, I slid down the banister to celebrate and faceplanted so hard I winded myself and skinned my knees. I'd never been in so much pain but she laughed all the way out of there as everyone stared. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 40

By MagnusDeus - 29/07/2016 09:51

Today, I found out my girlfriend was flirting with other guys over Facebook, so I confronted her about it. Somehow, I was the one who ended up apologizing, and then buying her frozen yogurt. I'm still not sure what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 35

By Proud father - 29/07/2016 06:49 - Lebanon

Today, I was in a cab having a chat with the driver when he pointed at a girl walking with purple hair and started ranting about how much of a slut she looked. After 5 mins of constant ranting, he finally shut up to which i responded "that's my daughter".FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 74

By diana43 - 29/07/2016 05:53 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my selfish stepdaughter asked if her son could stay with me and my husband until Thursday this week because she really needs "some time to herself." This is the first time I've have a week off in almost 5 years and when I told her this she said "Okay, so would Tuesday be better?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 40

By not_so_toadly_awesome - 29/07/2016 03:15

Today, I thought it was adorable when my dog made friends with a toad. Now he wants to meet ALL the toads. There are a ton of toads by our house, this could be a long night, FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 84

By storrent - 29/07/2016 00:48 - United States - Dallas

Today, I got a raise at my job after being stuck just above minimum wage for over a year. In my mini celebratory dance, I managed to knock over a shelf of fragile items. No more raise, that's for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 102

By julio - 28/07/2016 23:36

Today, after only walking about 12 kilometres around town, compared to my usual 20, I decided that instead of taking the lift up to the sixth floor, I would run up the stairs. I ran, I tripped, and crawled the remaining three. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 65

By Brain_fart - 28/07/2016 20:46

Today, my father-in-law and husband decided it would be a great idea for the three of us to share a one bedroom hotel on our week long family vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 39

By Anonymous - 28/07/2016 19:48 - United States - Roanoke

Today, while at work my best friend came up to me during the busiest time of the day to tell me that he's sleeping with the mother of my child. I'm serving her and her parents table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 31

By Triplegoddess11 - 28/07/2016 19:46 - United States - Washington

Today, I groom dogs for living and I've always loved my job, however on this particular shift I had a Jack Russel decide to hang from my arm with its teeth.. 7 stitches and 1 hour later I'm back to work. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 36

By pocolate - 28/07/2016 16:54 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I went to my first ever marching band practice. Not only did I forget my instrument, I wore a pink shirt instead of the mandatory white shirt, AND my shirt was inside out the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 224

By ykb1121 - 28/07/2016 15:29 - United States - Houston

Today, I was playing on my fiancés phone and noticed my name in his contacts. We've been best friends for 6 years, and have been dating for one year. He spelled my name wrong in his contacts and said he thought that's how it's spelled. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 94

By Ava_Darkflame - 28/07/2016 14:29 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I nearly suffocated myself. How? I had my blanket over my face, and as I yawned, I inhaled the damn blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 128

By nikkiface - 28/07/2016 14:20 - United States - Loveland

Today, I was discussing face shapes with a coworker. After we both agreed I had an oval face shape she says I think that's the ugliest face shape someone could have. fml

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 36

By Ripperoni - 28/07/2016 14:19

Today, when everyone was sleeping I decided to make myself an extra large pizza and eat it by myself. As I was taking the pizza out, my hand hit the top of the oven and the pizza fell on the floor. No pizza and a hurt hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 70

By Anonymous - 28/07/2016 14:03

Today, I met this really cute girl at the pool and we were hitting it off until I figured out she may be related to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 53

By fiercehawk - 28/07/2016 14:02

Today, my new bf and I had a powerful simultaneous orgasm. It was only our sixth time having sex together, so it should have been amazing. It would've been, except I sharted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 55

By NoBabiesMoProblems - 28/07/2016 13:47 - United States - Decorah

Today, I went to the beach with my friends. Normally I would be starting my period soon but as my doctor recently informed me that I was pregnant, I wasn't worried about it. Turns out I started my period in my white swimsuit, in front of everyone. I went to my doctor. Turns out she was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 45

By meh... - 28/07/2016 12:52 - India - Kolkata

Today, I was about get my Xbox one since my dad told me that if I achieved over 90% in my final exams ,so when I asked him about it he said he was drunk and joking.FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 44

By Scotty - 28/07/2016 12:35 - Australia - Maidstone

Today, after 20 years of service at my local school, the cross country "handicap" shield was named after me. I have a prosthetic leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 38

By xxRachybearxx - 28/07/2016 11:56 - United States - Bountiful

Today, my boyfriend got defensively angry after I poured my heart out about me fearing him only liking me for my body. After I cried for 15 minutes he said, "maybe you should just sleep it off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 42

By BoredatWork - 28/07/2016 11:53

Today, I was so bored at the grocery store I work at that I purposefully dropped a jar of pasta sauce, just so I could clean it up and have something to do.

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 50

By Vic - 28/07/2016 11:50

Today, upon waking up, I received an email that someone had changed my Steam password and email. The account is worth around 2000€. I'm a student and due to my poor life choices the account is worth more than everything else I possess combined. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 55

By Zessie - 28/07/2016 11:12 - Belgium - Sint-pieters-leeuw

Today, I found out there was a mistake on the 2650 copies I printed to distribute for an event. I spent the whole week printing, and now I have only one day to do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 48

By pimmster - 28/07/2016 10:16 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, I woke up to a painful hangover. I had to walk to the shop to get something to relieve the pain, but being broke, I only picked up a few coins out of my coin pot. Once I got to the till, I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful of guitar picks. I'd reached into the wrong pot... FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 53

By NoCarmaPlease - 28/07/2016 09:51 - Denmark - Odense

Today, my OCD struck again when I saw a yellow M&M in the tank with blue M&M's. I had to buy 2 kg blue M&M's in order to get the yellow one out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 55

By ToothlessWonder - 27/07/2016 19:50 - United States - Harlan

Today, I found out that I cannot wear dentures because my gag reflex is too sensitive. Because of an infection that spread to my jaw and then my teeth, I had to have them all pulled. I spent over $4,000 and went through weeks of pain, just to look like your every day meth head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 103

By izazbouletz - 27/07/2016 19:00

Today, I went to the gym. Only I wasn't training, I was sitting in my car in the parking enjoying the wifi while eating a McFlurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 212

By fitnessgram - 27/07/2016 18:04 - Canada - Niagara-on-the-lake

Today, while talking to my dad, he threw a ball to me and it nailed me in the nuts. I stumbled back in pain, only to fall into my pool, smashing my chin off the concrete deck. I've never felt such pain in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 43

By SleepyHead - 27/07/2016 12:56

Today, I came to work despite sleeping a total of 13 hours in the last four days. Three coffees, one Red Bull and six hours later, I managed to finish up early and jumped up to go home. I lost balance immediately and smashed my face into my desk. I have a broken nose and still haven't slept. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 106

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The Top

Today, and for the last year, I have a disfiguring scar on my nose that I’m very self conscious about. My 4 year-old niece recently noticed it. Now every time she sees me she leans in real close and says, “What’s wrong with your face?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 83

Today, I finally found out what that weird smell in my apartment was. My ex-boyfriend had been breaking into my apartment and hiding rotting fruit all over the place. I found this out when a ceiling panel fell and a swarm of fruit flies attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 460

You deserved it 4 092

Today, I had a nightmare in which I murdered a store employee because the store wasn’t selling the item I wanted. I would never do that in real life, and now I feel extremely guilty for how I acted in my dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 197

Today, I was taking a shower when I seized, tripped over the edge of the tub, and broke my nose by slamming my face in the open toilet. Thank you, epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 849

You deserved it 187

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 626

You deserved it 3 737

Today, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have no idea if when I feel an emotion if it's me or my disorder. I'm my brain's bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 813

You deserved it 186