Nearly FMLs

By Chiromiki - 02/08/2016 16:48 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I flew to Italy. Yesterday, I caught a stomach bug. After spending the whole day yesterday holed up in the bathroom, I now have to sit and watch my family eat lots of delicious food and desserts, while I can't eat anything without throwing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 43

By mjd02 - 02/08/2016 16:22 - United States - New Baltimore

Today, my mom got mad at me for not wanting to move in with her boyfriend. The reason I don't want to move in is because he lives in a more rural area, the schools are private and my mom has been dating him for 4 years and he has barley talked to me and my sister.

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 33

By scrambled_eggs - 02/08/2016 16:06 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I woke up 3 hours late for work. It took me 30 minutes to get out the door only to discover that during the night, my car had been egged. I guess they knew I wanted scrambled eggs for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 36

By Anonymous - 02/08/2016 15:49

Today, a friend of mine introduced me to a guy he wants me to go out with. When he asks what I thought about him, I said he was so hot he made me feel wet. I did not realize the guy was standing next to me, waiting to get my order, until it was too late. I talked about him for five minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 77

By Sarah - 02/08/2016 15:48 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I found out that my best friend since childhood didn't invite me to her birthday party. When I confronted her about it, she said "I didn't know that you wanted to come" and continued to chat normally. I have no idea what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 34

By DumbFuck - 02/08/2016 15:46 - United States - Mesquite

Today, after no sex due to breathing trouble I had great sex as bottom so I didn't have to do much. He got excited and gave me many hickies . That would be fine if I wasn't going to have a surgery consultation for my chest and I already agreed to be photographed as before and after photos FML.

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 52

By nortwdschick - 02/08/2016 15:36

Today, I walked outside for some fresh air. Wasn't even fully out the door when a bug decided to fly and lodge itself in my eye. Back inside I went. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 34

By formula baby - 02/08/2016 15:35 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was eating my cereal when I noticed the milk tasted funny, I told my mom and she said " that's from my tit you twat". And showed me the label "mums tit milk" While my dad just winked at me and said "Mmmm". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 49

By soodytheboi - 02/08/2016 15:33 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I got my tongue pierced. Not by a piercing specialist, but by my braces, which poked a hole right into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 32

By Anonymous - 02/08/2016 15:27 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, me and a coworker were making fun of each other as a joke and I told him I'd fuck his mom so hard she would die. My coworker then pulled a necklace out and said "little late on that" the necklace has his mothers ashes in it. FLM

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 86

By fuckme_328385 - 02/08/2016 15:24 - United States - Chicago

Today, I'm a financial advisor and me and my assistant, who is my only other employee, booked unchangeable vacations on the same week.FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 37

By ashleygmoree - 02/08/2016 15:22

Today, my boyfriend and I got sexual. Everything was going fine until he forgot I was still breastfeeding our 3 month baby. He grabbed my breast like any man would do then stopped moving. He said turn the on light. I did and saw my breast milk all over his face and chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 55

By anonymous - 02/08/2016 15:21 - United States - Greensburg

Today, A close friend of our two years has cut me off. The reason? I'm "too skinny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 28

By AbeHasPubes - 02/08/2016 15:18

Today, I was put in charge of running the drive thru window at my job. It normally isn't a big deal but today one man was struggling to find his change. After three minutes of struggling, he hands me his exact change. The coins were sticky and hairy. Short, curly hairs. He was bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 18

By seanbodyk - 02/08/2016 15:09

Today, my brother sprayed Liquid Ass into my mouth to see and film my reaction while I was asleep. It's been a week and the taste is still going strong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 25

By jokerboy04 - 02/08/2016 15:06

Today, I put the new Harry Potter book I own in my bag. I also put my $35 water bottle in it as well. The bottle leaked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 50

By ownerofthecheatermobile - 02/08/2016 15:04 - United States

Today, I saw a car that looked just like mine getting towed out of the parking lot I was parked in. Don't worry though, my car was still there, with "Cheater Mobile!" spray painted down both sides. I haven't even dated somebody for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 23

By HolyItaRaccoon - 02/08/2016 15:01 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, the boots I specifically ordered from China arrived ready for the Goth Concert I'm going to. I opened the package to find white Nike trainers instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 44

By zorgon60 - 02/08/2016 14:53 - United States - Arlington

Today, I'm about to go into a meeting to lay 30+ people off. I just found out I'm one of them.

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 32

By Yolo - 02/08/2016 14:46 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, I went to work as a server. Someone sent back their food to be remade because after they received it the first time, they didn't touch it for ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 25

By kylie2107 - 02/08/2016 14:10 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, I had a shift at the farm I work at, I started at 8:30am until 5pm.I got there and did what I regularly did and then 2 hours into the job my manager told me that my fly was open.My underwear was see through and I had been walking around all day in front of strangers...FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 34

By Anonymous - 02/08/2016 13:52 - United States - Silver Spring

Today I found out at 21 that I have both hemorrhoids and asthma. The asthma has always been there but my pediatrician thought that I was overacting as a child. On top of that I have to walk around Baltimore with family while my asshole bleeds. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 02/08/2016 09:44 - United States - Melrose Park

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he thought he got me pregnant. After the test came back negative, he decided we should be together after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 77

By Anonymous - 02/08/2016 09:32 - United States - Melrose Park

Today, my boyfriend caught me masturbating. He immediately started screaming at me because that's "his job". He hasn't touched me in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 02/08/2016 09:28 - United States - Melrose Park

Today marks the 14th night in a row that my boyfriend refuses to sleep with me because our bedroom is "too hot." I just bought and installed an expensive AC unit for our bedroom. Now apparently, our room is too cold, and I'm still sleeping alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 33

By toribooswift - 02/08/2016 08:32

Today, my boyfriend told me that we should have an open relationship. I agreed and started making plans when he suddenly said 'Oh not you as well'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 39

By to spicy for the pepper - 02/08/2016 04:59 - United States - Roswell

Today, my husband said we will no longer be having sex until I orgasm because it "does nothing for him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 42

By CColorado97 - 02/08/2016 04:11

Today, being a manager and enforcing the "no phone" policy at work, I told a staff member to put away her cell phone. Her response? "My uncle just died." My boss decided not to pass that information onto me, now I feel like an asshole, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 43

By Harry Snotter - 02/08/2016 02:28 - United States - Nashua

Today, my dad excitedly yelled, "I have a present for you!" and threw me a plastic box. The box contained a battery powered nose hair trimmer. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 50

By MashaV - 02/08/2016 02:03 - United States - Edison

Today, the only reason I got to leave the laboratory at 9 pm instead of 11 pm was because, after twelve hours of work, I made a mistake and cross contaminated all 96 of my samples, making it pointless to continue the experiment further. It will take me another two weeks to make up for this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 60

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The Top

Today, I got turned down for my dream job. Why? Because my ex phoned the company and told them how bad I would be for the job. He phoned me and said, "Now you know how it feels to be turned down." We dated for 2 weeks, 11 years ago. I'm now married and haven't spoken to him since we broke up, so I guess he's been stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 144

Today, my boyfriend asked when I was going to bed, because he wanted to have sex. With himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 730

You deserved it 310

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush out. Also today, she changed her Facebook status to "In a relationship." I'm so damn lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 319

Today, I realized that no one at work actually tells me when there’s a rule change, they just punish me and then try to gaslight me into believing it’s always been a rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 101

Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 445

You deserved it 512

Today, I was back home from work drinking coffee when I heard someone open the door with a key. It was my boyfriend, who obviously didn't expect to see me home. We don't live together, and I never gave him a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 992

You deserved it 4 117