Nearly FML

By smooooth - 29/07/2016 23:37 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, a cute boy invited me to stop by the ice cream place he works at to say hi. When I got there, I hit another car while trying to park. He saw the whole thing.

agreeclassic 413

vote type 1 55

By hales90 - 29/07/2016 23:32

Today, after more than a week of backbreaking work, problems, and complications involving re-sanding my hardwood floors, I got the last layer of polyurethane down to dry. I opened the door to leave the house and my dog ran in and all over the floors, leaving paw prints. FML

agreeclassic 381

vote type 1 37

By MetallicSkeleton - 29/07/2016 23:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, my girlfriend found my birth control pills and thinks I'm cheating. I'm on them to make my periods less painful and to prevent myself from vomiting uncontrollably on my period. I'm also a lesbian. FML.

agreeclassic 464

vote type 1 45

By Anonymous - 29/07/2016 23:03 - United States

Today, I found my phone that I lost two weeks ago. This wouldn't be bad if I hadn't just bought a new phone yesterday. FML

agreeclassic 361

vote type 1 60

By Lobat_Wang - 29/07/2016 23:01 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while walking down the stairs I had a friend shoving my backpack. I turned around and told him "Stop pushing me or I'm going to fall down the stairs." He stopped, and I proceeded to fall down the stairs. FML

agreeclassic 357

vote type 1 30

By fishinpink - 29/07/2016 22:44

Today, my roommate clogged the toilet while I was gone and didn't fix it. The other one didn't pay the light bill. No a/c + hours of poop stench = a nightmare. It took 6 hours for the light company to turn the power back on. It's 94° with a heat index of 105° today. FML

agreeclassic 384

vote type 1 32

By taroschain - 29/07/2016 22:32 - United States - Atlanta

Today I did the impossible and found something that can shock hardened subway riders. Unfortunately, it was me having a panic attack in a crowded train car. FML

agreeclassic 347

vote type 1 32

By SwitchHunter - 29/07/2016 22:31 - Japan

Today, I'm visiting Japan. My family lives in a not so tall house in Tokyo. I woke up, hit my head on a ceiling. Twice. FML.

agreeclassic 341

vote type 1 27

By gottapaythebills - 29/07/2016 22:18 - Serbia - Belgrade

Today my girlfriend broke up with me because I didn't get the job I interviewed for. Then I found out I passed the interview with flying colors at a different company. Where my now ex-girlfriend works. FML.

agreeclassic 392

vote type 1 32

By beingsickispoo - 29/07/2016 22:17

Today, after days of suffering with a lung infection making me constantly cough, after having barely slept for three nights. I spoke to my doctor, he advised to take throat sweets just before I sleep. Good news slept for 4 hours, bad news my mouth is covered in ulcers from their sugar content. FML

agreeclassic 326

vote type 1 32

By Ry - 29/07/2016 22:14

Today, I went out to eat with my sister, her boyfriend and my two little sisters. it was a buffet. The check said 2 adults and 3 children. The age cut off for being a child is 10 years old. I'm an 18 year old man. FML.

agreeclassic 340

vote type 1 40

By uggggh - 29/07/2016 22:07

Today, I spent my afternoon making an amazing dinner to be ready for my family when they got home from work. I had it all done and they walk through the door with pizza. all they said was, 'oh, we can have that tomorrow I guess FML

agreeclassic 322

vote type 1 33

By Dakota1458 - 29/07/2016 22:00

Today, I spent days making a beautiful clay rose for my girlfriend at camp to have my mom hold onto it for 2 minutes and break it. I thought I could still fix and asked her to be more careful and it's now in 10 pieces and my girlfriends expecting a fun time painting a rose together.

agreeclassic 424

vote type 1 40

By nofriendsgal - 29/07/2016 21:58

Today, I'm visiting home after a year abroad. Since I have a limited time and wanted to meet with all my friends before I leave again I organised a huge party for them. Most of them cancelled. The rest didn't show up. Fml

agreeclassic 414

vote type 1 40

By Guido745 - 29/07/2016 21:50 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I saw the extent of my depression as every teacher on my report card described me as sad and subdued, except one who said I was always happy and smiling, my chemistry teacher who when I'm with makes me feel happy and with whom I'm desperately in love with. I'm 16, she's 32 & married. FML

agreeclassic 407

vote type 1 54

By Betty - 29/07/2016 21:44 - United States - Bristol

Today, I saw someone posting the MLS of a house her family intends to buy. Prior to this, she let everyone know that she intends to buy a new car when she "nails the job" for which she has been interviewing. I'm pretty sure it's the same job to which I applied and interviewed. FML

agreeclassic 317

vote type 1 30

By Guido745 - 29/07/2016 21:40 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I decided to attempt to relieve myself from my crippling depression by reading through the top FMLs and thinking to myself, well it could be worse, but instead I ended up reminding myself of the frequent ones that already happened to me, it seems I have the bad luck of numerous people. FML

agreeclassic 343

vote type 1 41

By muffledpotato - 29/07/2016 21:39 - United States - Canton

Today, I went to the doctors and found out that I wouldn't be growing anymore. I'm only 4'9 and this was after she had specifically told me I would have a large growth spurt later in life. Her response? "Eh, sorry." FML

agreeclassic 362

vote type 1 29

By poopymonster - 29/07/2016 21:27 - Israel - Rishon Le Zion

Today, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I clogged the toilet and her mom had to help me unclog it and clean it up. FML

agreeclassic 355

vote type 1 39

By HondaLover97 - 29/07/2016 21:16 - United States - Minot Afb

Today my computer decided to crash on me after 6 hours of work on a school project. Somehow the file itself got corrupted. FML

agreeclassic 347

vote type 1 28

By soclose - 29/07/2016 21:10 - United States - Union

Today, I was excited about finally getting approved for 150$/week of unemployment (since nobody will hire me despite me having a Master's degree.) Then I learned my ex is leaving his gf and quitting his job and will not be paying the 157$/week in child support. And my kids lose health insurance. FML

agreeclassic 370

vote type 1 28

By FMLFreakShow - 29/07/2016 21:00 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, we watched a "porno" in class. The said "porno" was my Teacher's sextape. FML.

agreeclassic 383

vote type 1 35

By Anonymous - 29/07/2016 20:59 - United Kingdom - Dunfermline

Today, due to the demands of my job I was having a well needed nap, my concerned boyfriend woke me up after 4 hours just to check if I planned on cooking his dinner. fml.

agreeclassic 321

vote type 1 27

By FMLFreakShow - 29/07/2016 20:50 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, my boyfriend told me to call him "Daddy". I usually don't do this, but I played along. Turns out "Daddy" Is what his "Ex" girlfriend called him. I found out when he told me I sound and look like her. FML.

agreeclassic 316

vote type 1 19

By Whoops - 29/07/2016 20:45

Today, I tried to text my boyfriend about how much I missed him and what I'd like to do with him once he's back. I accidentally sent it to his dad. FML

agreeclassic 285

vote type 1 46

By Crappie - 29/07/2016 20:45 - Netherlands

Today, both my new boyfriend and my best friend happen to stay overseas for the next month. They seem to like eachother a lot. Meanwhile, I'm at home sorting my cat into a Hogwarts house. FML

agreeclassic 275

vote type 1 31

By NearlyHomeless - 29/07/2016 20:44

Today, my wife and i took possession of our first house. The neighbors apparently had a problem with the previous owners and don't think we'll be any different. They keep taking things from our yard and hiding them in drainage ditches nearby. We basically can't live there. FML

agreeclassic 308

vote type 1 22

By sincerelyupset - 29/07/2016 20:41 - United States - Snohomish

Today, I had an important interview at 1pm. Working late the previous night I set a noon alarm. My phone decided that it was necessary to install an update 10 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off. I missed my interview. FML

agreeclassic 283

vote type 1 24

By Ace - 29/07/2016 20:34

Today, I was blowing a bubble with some bubble gum, when I accidentally burped into it. Without thinking, I put the bubble back into my mouth and popped it. FML

agreeclassic 244

vote type 1 56

By a single guy - 29/07/2016 19:10 - United States - Westfield

Today, I was hanging out with some friends. Instead of getting food, the other single guy and I waited as the 3 couples cuddled the whole time. I essentially wasted 4 hours of my life to remind myself that I'm single. FML

agreeclassic 401

vote type 1 59

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, after talking to the bank, I'd have to take a pay cut to qualify for a home loan. I'm still confused. FML

agreeclassic 1 673

vote type 1 146

Today, was an absolute mess. It began with getting a towel caught on my nose ring and ended with my car catching on fire. FML

agreeclassic 934

vote type 1 211

Today, I went out in public for the first time since getting new glasses. I was mistaken for Jeff Goldblum at least a dozen times. The first few times it was amusing, but now I can see why being famous is such a headache sometimes. FML

agreeclassic 675

vote type 1 148

Today, while vainly running a comb through my balding hair, I noticed a hair sticking out of my nose. I yanked it out, and the pain made me tear up a little. It was an inch long. I'm 24 and beginning to have more hair in my nose than on my head. FML

agreeclassic 31 637

vote type 1 2 959

Today, my husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl, the love of his life, whom he's always considered pure, turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better not come hanging round the house. Pussy, two years old, is now housebound until her kittens are born. FML

agreeclassic 554

vote type 1 71

Today, during swimming in PE, I kept noticing a stinging feeling on my scrotum. Every time I jumped into the water I would feel a sharp stab. After the full hour of hell, I went to the bathroom and looked in my new trunks. The designer had left a sewing needle in the crotch netting. FML

agreeclassic 44 110

vote type 1 5 000