Nearly FMLs

By Bro - 26/07/2016 00:26

Today, I found out that the money I was saving for new shoes was taken by my brother... We found the envelope in the trash that says "new shoes" and he still denies that he took it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 56

By Niece - 25/07/2016 23:03 - United States - Lizella

Today, my aunt died. My uncle died just last week and my boss refuses to give me time off for the funeral, saying I can't possibly have so many deaths in the family at once. My uncle died in a car accident, and my aunt only just died from her injuries from the same car accident. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 55

By hdelaney01 - 25/07/2016 10:32

Today, I was dead asleep when my mom wakes me up. Turns out my boss needed me to pull an open to close instead of just the afternoon shift. Yes, my boss called my mother to tell me to come into work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 162

By forfucksakes - 25/07/2016 07:20 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, while finishing her 5th cocktail before noon, my mom went off on me for being a bad mom because I downloaded Pokèmon Go and I play it once in a blue moon. She's been an alcoholic since before I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 70

By olé - 25/07/2016 04:34 - United States - Blacklick

Today, I realized that my favorite sex position is trying to sleep and hopes he finishes soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 101

By NoahK2003 - 25/07/2016 02:18

Today, I woke up to find a blueberry sitting in my bathroom sink. This incident would normally be of little concern, but my family hasn't purchased blueberries in months. This is the third time this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 90

By Oopsidaisy - 25/07/2016 02:15 - United States - Dallas

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me in front of my mom on a cocaine fueled rampage, then sped off down the street in my new car, rear ending someone in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 98

By pacelily - 25/07/2016 01:33 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I went to donate blood, after I was about halfway through I felt extremely sick. I told the nurse taking it and she ignored me. When she said I was good to go I passed out. She then yelled at me because I didn't tell her I felt dizzy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 71

By ___J11____ - 25/07/2016 00:49 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job at WalMart because I was "too nice" to the customers. Apparently asking people if they found everything they wanted, while checking their groceries is too nice... FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 63

By ImagineCrazy - 25/07/2016 00:44

Today, whilst choking, my brother threw a cough drop at me instead of helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 67

By So Much For That - 24/07/2016 23:34

Today, I planned a picnic in the field opposite my school to say goodbye to my students. Minutes after starting, a huge dog appeared and started eating everything. His owner arrived a minute later to see me wrestling her dog on the blanket, while the kids screamed and fled. No food survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 49

By jokerphreak - 24/07/2016 22:54 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had sex with a guy I had wanted for awhile. Or I think it counts as sex. Really, I thought he was joking when he said he lasts two seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 62

By :( - 24/07/2016 22:23

Today, I had a bout of explosive diarrhea in the midst of a car wash. I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 55

By alexcleebo - 24/07/2016 18:29 - United States - Los Angeles

Today I went as a chaperone on one of my son's middle school field trips to the beach with the rest of his instructors and peers. I picked out a sexy white one piece to wear and swim in only to find out it was sheer in the water and all of my son's peers and instructiors saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 338

By StateOfEuphoria - 24/07/2016 09:14 - United States - Sumrall

Today, after tossing and turning for hours trying to sleep, I finally doze off. I am then awoken by my grandfather knocking on my bedroom door at 4am. "Rise and shine, it's time to pick peas. We've got to beat the heat." No sleep and a whole field of peas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 96

By Kris112arm - 24/07/2016 08:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, is my first day of recovery in a full right arm cast. Broke it on the last possible free day that i had before starting lab work on my masters thesis, for which i waited four months, and now i won't be able to work. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 74

By shotoftequila - 24/07/2016 05:21 - United States - Auburn

Today, I started my first day working the drive thru at Taco Bell. My very first customer, a lady, ordered nothing but a drink. I was so nervous that I blurted out "Do you want any sauce with that?" Not only did the lady laugh at me, but so did my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 224

By shotoftequila - 23/07/2016 17:06 - United States - Auburn

Today, my mom yelled at me for being a horrible daughter and threatened to kick me out of the house. Why? Because I got my ears pierced. I'm 19. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 23/07/2016 16:07 - United States - Orlando

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. One reason was because he couldn't have "intellectual conversations" with me. This coming from the man that seriously asked me if women passed gas or had bowel movements.

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 76

By smellygirl - 23/07/2016 07:54

Today, my supervisor at work took me into the back room, saying "several other cashiers complained about your body odor. Maybe you should shower more often." I shower daily before work and wondered why my coworkers always avoided me... FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 109

By Nick_Pat91 - 23/07/2016 01:39 - United States - Coatesville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's convinced that I'm either turning gay or becoming a transgender. All because I'm growing out my hair and "straight men shouldn't have long hair". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 132

By Faker:/ - 23/07/2016 01:21 - United States - Holt

Today, at the park, my best friend exclaimed that she couldn't walk around or do anything with me because she "hurt" her foot. I've been with her for the past couple of days, so I know this is false. She still expects me to invite her to the beach tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 94

By obv fat - 23/07/2016 01:21 - Sweden - J?nk?ping

Today, I laid out an exercise and diet plan for the rest of the year. Today was also the day a guy in a car yelled at me and a friend and called us fat girls. I knew I needed to get in shape, but I didn't think I was fat enough to be yelled at since I still wear S/M. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 99

By HDR - 23/07/2016 01:02

Today, I've realized why my parents waited eight years later for my youngest little brother. They didn't want him because they wanted us to have company. I already have two other brothers for that. They wanted another child to make a replacement for us "screw ups". Fml

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 75

By gateface970 - 23/07/2016 00:50 - United States - New York

Today, my cross-country flight was delayed for an hour. When I finally boarded, I found out that my seat-back TV is the only one on the plane that doesn't work. On top of that, the whole plane smells like seafood. Six hours to go! FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 72

By MrConfusion - 23/07/2016 00:49

Today, I found out that a very close friend of mine masturbates to photos of me on my Instagram and snapchat. He's a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 86

By HylianBadger - 23/07/2016 00:44 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my birth mother, yet again, tried to get in contact with me, even though I made it plain I want nothing to do with her anymore. The truth is, I'd be willing to make amends if she'd apologize for tormenting my husband. And return the money she stole from my savings account to buy meth. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 42

By drgreghouse - 23/07/2016 00:43 - United States

Today, I found out im allergic to the medicine I use for nausea the side effect is throwing up, FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 58

By FatAmy - 23/07/2016 00:42 - United States - Pollard

Today, my dad went to the doctor with me. Later my dad said, "I was surprised by how little you weigh...you just look heavier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 47

By Etweens96 - 23/07/2016 00:41

Today, my mom got a jukebox. She hasn't stopped playing the music on a high volume for the past two hours and I asked her to turn it off so I could concentrate on practicing my guitar. She got the miniature record player out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 47

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my college roommate is a Studio Art major. For a project, she brought home a pig's intestine to keep in our tiny dorm room freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 104

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 238

You deserved it 229

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 066

You deserved it 5 718

Today, I realized I've been sinking into a deep depression, ignoring all my friends, and don't know what to do with my life anymore. This is all because I gave up Facebook for lent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 770

You deserved it 56 414

Today, I checked in a group of men from Mexico. I speak just enough Spanish to realize they're discussing my breasts. I have to stand there smiling while checking in three more people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 196

You deserved it 3 899

Today, I met a really hot guy at a bar. We talked for a while and really seemed to hit it off. We ended up going to my apartment. He stopped and said, "Clean up this mess and maybe we could do something another time." I am a complete neat freak - my apartment had been robbed and trashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 018

You deserved it 5 854