Today, I was at work, and was told to clean up the urine that a child had left down the slide inside the play place. While in the slide, another little kid peed on my head. FML

by kellb123 / 12/17/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML

by Username / 12/15/2011 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

by sharon / 12/14/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I accidentally called my cute boss "babe." I now have to pretend it's what I call everyone, and start calling all my coworkers "babe." FML

by Shelly / 12/14/2011 at 12:18am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

by thathottchickk / 12/13/2011 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, at the microbiology lab, I discovered that the guy who took the shift before me didn't sterilize the work space very well. I am now blowing chunks from both ends from a very nasty strain of E. Coli. My company blames me. FML

by microtech / 12/13/2011 at 12:33pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, as part of my job as a performer, I had to show off my skills with a switchblade in front of an audience. A kid shot a rubber band at me. I then needed stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 9:00am / Malaysia / Work

Today, I called in sick at work because I have the flu. This is my first sick day in the 2 years I've worked there. It's also the day the CEO made a surprise visit. My co-workers all got generous salary increases, and some of them promotions. I'm not included, simply because I wasn't there. FML

by rara1989 / 12/13/2011 at 7:15am / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that I'm working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I'm spending my favourite time of the year working for $8.70 an hour. At McDonald's. FML

by myjobsucks / 12/12/2011 at 9:15pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, I had an allergic reaction to my deodorant. My armpits wouldn't stop itching, and by the time my shift was over, they were raw and bloody. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2011 at 3:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, it was my first day at work as a waitress. The day ended with me owing my employers money, after I accidentally smashed an expensive bottle of wine on the floor. FML

by isuckasawaitress / 12/12/2011 at 12:08pm / Singapore / Work

Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML

by stinky / 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML

by Poorman / 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm / United Kingdom / Work