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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27091) - you deserved it (35532)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

people_annoy_me's comment : That's kinda funny. You should have said it was you though, then slapped the lady for slapping her kid.

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Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

#21213929
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36007) - you deserved it (22314)

On 07/19/2014 at 7:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother compared having me as a daughter to having a deadly kind of cancer. FML

#21213727
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41414) - you deserved it (4716)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:53am - misc - by wtf? - United States (Nevada)

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

#21213656
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44478) - you deserved it (3391)

On 07/19/2014 at 12:43am - love - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

1dvs_bstd's comment : "But I'm all me!!"

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Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

#21213512
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41282) - you deserved it (5793)

On 07/18/2014 at 10:56pm - kids - by kids say the darnedest things - United States (Colorado)

1dvs_bstd's comment : In her defence, 3 kisses and a hug sounds like too much work..

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Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML

Today, I was using a public restroom. After about a minute of me being in there, a little girl came in and started pounding on the door, screaming that she had to go. My pregnancy hormones are so bad that I almost burst into tears. FML

#21213357
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32097) - you deserved it (16248)

On 07/18/2014 at 9:04pm - misc - by LissaMccracken (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my mom told me my relationship is a joke, because teenagers don't understand the meaning of relationships and commitment. I couldn't help but remind her how she's divorced three separate men to date. She hit me over the head so hard that snot flew out of my nose. FML

#21213268
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47762) - you deserved it (9002)

On 07/18/2014 at 7:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

#21213104
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42832) - you deserved it (5925)

On 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm - love - by Lisa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I read a book by a former client who did time for fraud. She swears she's innocent, and blames everyone for her "ordeal": the police, court, judge, and me, her own attorney. She conveniently forgot to mention her two full confessions, one of which was given before the judge. FML

#21213089
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33203) - you deserved it (2845)

On 07/18/2014 at 4:04pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Cura?ao

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

#21212869
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59693) - you deserved it (4638)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:49pm - love - by someonepleasehelpme (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML

#21212865
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41326) - you deserved it (3547)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:45pm - money - by what people do for money - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

#21212849
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39908) - you deserved it (6577)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by familyhatesme - United States (Washington)



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