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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

#21281207
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26735) - you deserved it (4273)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

simsimbeep's comment : At least she told you....

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Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25744) - you deserved it (6601)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

garrett_8614's comment : You: 0 You: 1 wait a minute.....

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Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

#21281118
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27937) - you deserved it (2010)

On 10/19/2014 at 2:19pm - misc - by forgotten (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17648) - you deserved it (34374)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

slamdunkinoreo's comment : I someone sprayed perfume in my face I'd be like wtf.

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Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31134) - you deserved it (3962)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

#21280817
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30173) - you deserved it (5260)

On 10/19/2014 at 12:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

#21280767
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32066) - you deserved it (2409)

On 10/18/2014 at 11:03pm - misc - by problems - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31997) - you deserved it (3203)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

#21280619
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26104) - you deserved it (10250)

On 10/18/2014 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

#21280577
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31018) - you deserved it (3168)

On 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by fizzie101 - United States (California)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31338) - you deserved it (11097)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33864) - you deserved it (2870)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because "Nobody's that happy without drugs". FML

#21280487
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35350) - you deserved it (2491)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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