Today, I broke up with my girlfriend for another girl. This other girl helped me break up with her so we could date. After it was all done, she promptly rejected me and in front of everyone, saying how much of a douche I was for leaving my girlfriend for another girl. FML

by hlewrn / 06/21/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Noemmyforyou's comment : You two would have been perfect for each other; you both sound like douche-waffles.

See all the comments

Today, as an overprotective mother, I asked my 19 year-old son, who was going to spend his day on the beach, if he’d taken any protection with him. He pulled out a box of condoms, beaming with pride. I was talking about suntan lotion. FML

by LaFrancesa / 07/07/2013 at 11:28pm / Mexico (Chihuahua)

Today, my girl and I got in a huge fight. Because I cuddled with her the wrong way. While I was asleep. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2016 at 7:24pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I was chaperoning for my 8-year-old sister's class in school. The bus ride was an hour long, so several people didn't make it to the bathroom in time. Unfortunately, one of them was me. FML

by lauren / 06/21/2016 at 3:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML

by GoAggies / 06/21/2016 at 1:11pm / United States (Utah) / Geek

willis143's comment : He has his priorities straight

See all the comments

Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML

by over_due / 06/21/2016 at 12:12pm / United States / Health

Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me, but the only one I own has grey skulls printed on it. Yes, she took it anyway. FML

by hanenhh / 12/01/2013 at 5:58am / Tunisia

Today, I asked my little cousin if he had a girlfriend if he had a girlfriend. “Yes,“ he said. “Two, but I’m going to keep the one with the biggest boobs.“ He’s 7. FML

by Pseudo / 06/21/2016 at 1:33am / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Kids

stangbang92's comment : I to ask people a question twice before I let them answer.

See all the comments

Today, as I entered our narrow hallway while leaving the bathroom, my belt loop caught on the knob of a nearby closet. My husband had to come and rescue me as I hung there, my ass in the air. FML

by Dangling / 06/20/2016 at 11:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I might have ruined my co-worker's relationship with her fiancé, with whom I share a name, because we "work together too often" and now he doesn't know who's she's saying during sex. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2016 at 9:59pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

by DogBeater / 06/20/2016 at 9:21pm / United States (Washington) / Animals

Today, I finally found someone who liked me and wanted to kiss me. It was a 5-year-old at the daycare I work at. FML

by Tigerninjagoalie / 06/20/2016 at 7:13pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I flew to Germany to meet up with a girl that I met in America 5 months ago and fell in love with. We've been talking every day for 5 months straight. I get here just for her to tell me that she likes me "like a brother". FML.

by Xerfox / 06/20/2016 at 4:34pm / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Love