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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while sick with the flu, I had the police called on me by my older neighbors downstairs. They thought I was hosting a party at 3 in the morning. I was really just throwing up constantly. FML

#21415404
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25079) - you deserved it (1525)

On 05/25/2015 at 7:39am - health - by Hooperist (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

theTravinator's comment : Sound like you might need to get your foot all over his nutsack, violently

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Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

Mauskau's comment : Why would a dog need shots for this?

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Today, my housemates are throwing a huge house party to celebrate finishing their finals. It's 4:30am and people are still arriving. I have my last final in 3 hours. FML

#21415194
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26871) - you deserved it (1964)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:59pm - misc - by Party Pooper - United States

mukduk's comment : Wow, that is extremely inconsiderate. They couldn't wait a day?

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Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24597) - you deserved it (9784)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized that my relationship has hit a new low when I made an appointment with my girlfriend to have sex. I have a two week wait. FML

#21415031
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25128) - you deserved it (3821)

On 05/24/2015 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by ugh - United States (Michigan)

Today, during a driving lesson, I stopped behind a taxi, and got more and more annoyed when the traffic wouldn't move. A few minutes later, my instructor couldn't hold his laughter any more and pointed out I'd somehow zoned out and entered a taxi rank. FML

#21414941
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22574) - you deserved it (5898)

On 05/24/2015 at 12:56pm - misc - by kalvin (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

#21414914
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25503) - you deserved it (2226)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho (man) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I woke up to my little sister strangling me. My parents accused me of making the red marks on my throat myself to exaggerate how bad it was. She's just "going through a phase", they say, and I'm a bad person for punching her to get her off me. FML

#21414899
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30405) - you deserved it (1892)

On 05/24/2015 at 11:15am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML

#21414880
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25021) - you deserved it (2203)

On 05/24/2015 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I felt pretty. As I deal with a severe anxiety and depression, I was proud of myself. All until a little girl asked: "Are you a boy or a girl?" FML

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

#21414664
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24999) - you deserved it (2946)

On 05/23/2015 at 10:38pm - misc - by Vlen (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I missed the spider but succeeded in keying my own car. FML

#21414635
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15444) - you deserved it (21297)

On 05/23/2015 at 8:58pm - animals - by uwotm8 - Australia (Victoria)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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