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Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43579) - you deserved it (4160)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

mectain's comment : I'm really truly sorry for that. that's just cold.

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Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML

#21260387
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30491) - you deserved it (2390)

On 09/18/2014 at 12:05am - health - by adamwilcockson - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37034) - you deserved it (4117)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Chucks719's comment : But did you say yes?

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Today, I found out that the only girl who's ever called me cute or handsome is actually a compulsive liar. FML

#21260295
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30902) - you deserved it (2409)

On 09/17/2014 at 9:37pm - misc - by compulsiveliarssaytheylikeme - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

#21260166
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35051) - you deserved it (2587)

On 09/17/2014 at 6:10pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31581) - you deserved it (3687)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

thecouchisalive's comment : Just like his Daddy

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Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

#21260159
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29730) - you deserved it (7348)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:56pm - misc - by iAmJasper - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend admitted that she "probably wasn't even sober" when I asked her out and she said yes. Our almost 2-year relationship is the longest drunken mistake ever. FML

#21260142
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30559) - you deserved it (2726)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by KayEffEh (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and I complained that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered "Fat girl problems." FML

#21260102
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34377) - you deserved it (10522)

On 09/17/2014 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

#21260092
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39286) - you deserved it (3642)

On 09/17/2014 at 3:48pm - love - by kitkat (woman) - United States

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

#21259933
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37263) - you deserved it (2489)

On 09/17/2014 at 8:18am - misc - by makeyourselfathome (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my brother got the same cologne as the guy I've been seeing for a while. Every time I'm with my brother I think about him, and every time I'm with him I think about my brother. FML

#21259922
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35967) - you deserved it (3636)

On 09/17/2014 at 7:46am - love - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I tried to scare what I thought was a stray cat away from my friend's car in our work parking garage by hitting the panic button on his keys, which did, indeed, make the creature panic. That's when I learned it was not a cat. It was a skunk. FML



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