Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

by unluckysamaritan / 10/15/2016 at 4:51am / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML

by Neckbruise101 / 10/15/2016 at 2:01am / United States (California) / Work

Today, while commuting to work on a peak hour train, I lost my balance and accidentally grabbed a bald mans head to steady myself. To make matters worse, the words "oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a knob" came out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. FML

by ShameMonkey / 09/27/2016 at 6:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I discovered that yes, you CAN forget how to ride a bike. Too bad I discovered this in front of all my son's friends and their parents while at his birthday party. FML

by faeliality / 10/15/2016 at 1:54am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad grounded me for not having any friends. FML

by blue15564 / 09/26/2016 at 5:52pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was called to be told I'm fired for not showing up for my shift. I guess she didn't check her voice message to see that I gave birth last night. FML

by jessiluvxx / 09/25/2016 at 5:08pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

vreid's comment : I smell a large lawsuit giving you enough cash to send your newborn to college! Congratulations on the baby!

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Today, my mom's boss reversed into my parked car. She expects me to say that it's my fault so she doesn't have her insurance increase. FML

by comeonnow / 09/25/2016 at 2:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation

sillymama's comment : Ummm. No. Your moms boss hit your car. They need to be accountable for that.

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Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2016 at 8:11am / United States (Virginia) / Love

gobiteme2's comment : Hi my name is John and I don't care.

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Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

by Rizmo / 09/25/2016 at 3:11am / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, I went in for an audition. Since my wrist had been in a brace all week, I felt I would be fine without it for one day because I didn't want it to be a distraction. I tripped in the middle of the dance routine and crashed on top of my injured wrist. FML

by Braceyourself / 09/25/2016 at 1:44am / United States (California) / Health

Today, after finally deciding to push past my extreme shyness, I talked to the person beside me in class. I was so nervous that when I went to take a sip of my coffee, it slipped out of my hand and splashed all over both of us. Not only did I ruin her white dress, but I also gave her mild burns. FML

by 242795 / 09/24/2016 at 2:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I'm seeing told me, "I've always loved you as a person.... but not in any other way." While he was inside me. FML

by broken / 09/22/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my dad refused to pick me up because he didn't want to get off the couch, so I had to walk for an hour and a half to get home. When I finally got home, my dad had gone out to pick my sister up from her friend's house. Her friend lives a 3-minute walk away. FML

by car trouble / 10/14/2016 at 4:12am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Transportation