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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to the police station to find out if the tint on my new car's windshield was too dark. The officer took one look, told me that windshield tints are illegal in California, and ticketed me. So much for being honest. FML

#21285139
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29775) - you deserved it (8099)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:58pm - misc - by tanisLX - United States (California)

Stazza11's comment : Challenge it. You were being honest and he was a piece of shit. Abuse of power.

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Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

#21285126
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30258) - you deserved it (7071)

On 10/25/2014 at 5:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

MzZombicidal's comment : You should never EVER just walk right into your parents room. >.< The reason why you did it is sweet, though. You're a good son. :)

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Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

#21285040
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28955) - you deserved it (4767)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

tooyoungtooold's comment : In all honesty I think it may be the closeness of the hug combined with the psychological reasoning that she really trusts you is what gave you the hard-on

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Today, I went to a big job interview. As I walked in, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Other highlights include my voice cracking multiple times, sweating profusely and getting uncontrollable nervous giggling. The interviewer eventually stared at me in disbelief and asked if I was high. FML

#21285028
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31097) - you deserved it (4136)

On 10/25/2014 at 2:27pm - work - by not on life, that's for fucking sure (man) - United States

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

#21284997
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29286) - you deserved it (2531)

On 10/25/2014 at 1:32pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML

#21284911
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37835) - you deserved it (3049)

On 10/25/2014 at 10:10am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mom called and casually let me know she'd wrecked my iPad after putting it in the dryer with my bed sheets. FML

#21284691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29003) - you deserved it (3833)

On 10/24/2014 at 10:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

#21284688
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27863) - you deserved it (3457)

On 10/24/2014 at 10:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML

#21284649
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29124) - you deserved it (4472)

On 10/24/2014 at 9:32pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband told me he cheated on me two years ago with his ex-fiancée. In the process, he got her pregnant, but said it was okay, because she didn't keep it. FML

#21284646
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34857) - you deserved it (2362)

On 10/24/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

#21284616
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30795) - you deserved it (2383)

On 10/24/2014 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

#21284495
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34783) - you deserved it (2530)

On 10/24/2014 at 4:52pm - work - by Anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML



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