Today, I walked into pawn shop and found a nice laptop which I inspected after I thought I lost mine months ago. Turns out my ex pawned it after having it at her place all this time. FML

by Al / 06/13/2016 at 11:37am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Tripartita's comment : You know how spouses who have been together a while sometimes renew their vows? It might be worth calling up your ex and renewing your breakup.

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Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML

by tracy4191 / 06/13/2016 at 11:27am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

faeryofshalott's comment : Well, now you will be. Doesn't she read the box? If you take laxatives for too long your body won't poop without them.

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Today, one of my oldest friends blocked me for refusing to drive her to and from a wedding that was over 30 miles away. The wedding was mine. FML

Welshite's comment : It's Texas, so I don't blame you for refusing to drive her. We use horses here.

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Today, I spent my first night with my girlfriend. After waiting for weeks, a few seconds were enough to make a fool of myself when I tried to remove her panties twice. It was a tan line. FML

by Marcel / 09/23/2011 at 1:35am / Argentina

Today, while vacationing with my boyfriend of 9 years, he started writing "Wi" in the sand. I instantly hoped he was going to propose by writing, "Will you marry me" on the beach. He spelled out "wiener" instead. FML

by ForeverAGirlfriend / 06/13/2016 at 12:40am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

by Toloveornottolove / 06/12/2016 at 12:08pm / Canada / Love

Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML

by babyscarface / 06/12/2016 at 11:48am / United States (California) / Love

Today, a friend posted a photo on Facebook of a meal with all of our other friends. The same meal they'd told me just yesterday had been cancelled. FML

by Lonely, I am so lonely / 06/12/2016 at 9:41am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was invited to go to a BBQ with one of my guy friends. It turned out to be a surprise engagement party, and every single one of his friends congratulated me. I'm not his fiancée. FML

by Minnie / 06/12/2016 at 9:33am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was trying to impress a very cute guy at a party by grinding up against him. During my very sexy choreography, I heard him say, “It feels like a slug rubbing against me.” FML

by setaleschausasses / 12/26/2010 at 12:22am / Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2016 at 8:37am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2016 at 6:00am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He decided to lock me in the apartment until I say that we are in fact still together. This is the 4th time he has done this. FML

by stuck / 06/12/2016 at 1:59am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love