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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

#21280817
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32739) - you deserved it (5614)

On 10/19/2014 at 12:11am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Dinonick's comment : If you dont care about losing your job, I'd report him for theft

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Today, I have to make a decision. I either drive my dad around during the day so he can drink, or I let him drink and drive so I can focus on studying for my exams. FML

#21280767
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34522) - you deserved it (2505)

On 10/18/2014 at 11:03pm - misc - by problems - New Zealand (Auckland)

ComoEsJuan's comment : Buy some booze, stay at home and have a drunken study session with the old man!

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Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34942) - you deserved it (3376)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

tacojauns's comment : Sounds like you two are a match made in heaven

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Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

#21280619
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (11027)

On 10/18/2014 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

#21280577
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34172) - you deserved it (3383)

On 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by fizzie101 - United States (California)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33761) - you deserved it (12124)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I confronted my girlfriend after catching her cheating on me. After she finished crying, she had the brass balls to say she'd understand if I needed a couple of weeks to forgive her, and asked me for bus fare so she could go tell the other guy they could only be friends now. FML

#21280490
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36703) - you deserved it (3020)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:44pm - love - by yee-whore (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because "Nobody's that happy without drugs". FML

#21280487
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37766) - you deserved it (2554)

On 10/18/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

#21280399
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32633) - you deserved it (6505)

On 10/18/2014 at 10:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to find "Fuck you, Harry" painted on my car. Harry's my neighbour. FML

#21280293
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35435) - you deserved it (2152)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:20am - misc - by Queensland - Australia

Today, I sent my fiancé a sexy picture while I was at work. I never got a response from him, so I gave him a call after a while. His 9-year-old son answered. Apparently he was getting a haircut at the time. FML

#21280130
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29404) - you deserved it (8097)

On 10/17/2014 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by melissa1028 (woman) - United States

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

#21279992
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28665) - you deserved it (3053)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by KayyElOh94 - United States



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