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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML

#20651556
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37325) - you deserved it (2794)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:35am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

#20651541
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44674) - you deserved it (3089)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:01am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML

#20651533
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34465) - you deserved it (6272)

On 05/09/2013 at 2:49am - misc - by fml0505 (man) - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

#20651461
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51423) - you deserved it (3074)

On 05/09/2013 at 1:30am - health - by Screwed Up (man) - United States

↑ maz95's comment : Or maybe your therapist needs therapy?

See all the comments →

Today, I told my family I'm going shopping with my friend "Emma". My sister's been teasing me about this saying, "Emma can't exist! She's not real! You don't have any friends." She's right. FML

#20650839
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37662) - you deserved it (11032)

On 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm - misc - by 19kwhatever (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I let my dad put my dollar in the slot machine for me because I'm not old enough to gamble. I won $200 but he kept it because he "put the dollar in the slot machine." FML

#20650676
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41572) - you deserved it (7897)

On 05/08/2013 at 8:07pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

#20650425
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19938) - you deserved it (42498)

On 05/08/2013 at 6:21pm - money - by Checkless chick - United States

↑ maskedman's comment : So we all know to rip the check after CONFIRMING the deposit was made. Thanks, FML.

See all the comments →

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

#20649920
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46469) - you deserved it (3307)

On 05/08/2013 at 1:48pm - misc - by trice (woman) - United States (Texas)

↑ abbttmc's comment : Happy birthday now it's 4 people :)

See all the comments →

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

#20649842
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36370) - you deserved it (12959)

On 05/08/2013 at 12:59pm - work - by anon_1996 - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML

#20649796
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53737) - you deserved it (3175)

On 05/08/2013 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by lalalaisling - Ireland (Cork)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while packing for a trip, my mom bumped my bag and it started to vibrate. She flew into a huge rage calling me all sorts of colourful names, thinking it was a sex toy. It was my tooth brush. FML

#20649670
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51459) - you deserved it (3525)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:44am - intimacy - by oops - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

#20649646
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (2373)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:17am - health - by HamSandwich12 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was singing horribly in the shower. Without me knowing, my sister recorded my singing and set it as my ringtone. My phone rang in class and everyone heard it. My new nickname is American Idol. FML

#20649622
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40784) - you deserved it (8633)

On 05/08/2013 at 10:00am - kids - by kprince - United States (California)



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