Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2016 at 1:29pm / Hong Kong / Miscellaneous

ohsnapword's comment : This is the part when you start speaking Chinese to them.

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Today, I got my employee review. They thanked me for taking on so much extra work, which helps keep us on schedule. Then they said that I was focusing too much on work that other people should be doing. We need 12 people to fully staff our store for a day, and we have less than that actually working here. FML

by SadRetailWorker / 10/07/2016 at 4:08pm / United States / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Xquisite1's comment : Are we supposed to act like many of us did not see the creepy hacker post on this site?

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Today my daughter asked me to do her a huge favor : undergo a liposuction transplantation where my fat would be sucked out then put into her butt and thighs. Apparently, I am the fattest DNA match to her, lessening the risk of her rejecting the transplant. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2016 at 12:37pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Tripartita's comment : "I get my rockin' bod from my mom." "Yeah, genetics are pretty cool." "You misunderstand me…"

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Today, whilst at work as a furniture salesperson, a couple was looking at a couch. As part of our sales technique, we invite people to take a seat. The man was wearing shorts, and his testicles dropped out to the side. I had to discuss fabric options, etc, whilst avoiding looking at his balls. FML

by orangediva / 09/18/2016 at 1:16pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband brought me breakfast in bed. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful and love him even more for the thought. But the only problem with breakfast in bed is that you have to eat what they bring you, even if it's bad. FML

by B.B / 10/07/2016 at 10:03am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was having dinner at my aunt's house who just migrated to Germany from India and doesn't know any German. I asked for the recipe of a dish and she said that she has been buying these cans with cute kitty picture and just adds spices to it. Catfood is delicious I must admit. FML

by drchinky888 / 09/18/2016 at 1:10pm / Spain (Catalonia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML

by Gray_Kitty / 09/17/2016 at 3:34pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

by BroadwayBaby1997 / 09/17/2016 at 11:26am / United States (Kansas) / Geek

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

by Canali18 / 09/17/2016 at 10:45am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my cat wanted to go out. She watched me open the front door, leave it open while I got something from the car then come back inside. She then insisted on going out the back door. I'm a slave to a cat. FML

by catslave / 09/17/2016 at 4:43am / New Zealand / Animals

Today, I'm a janitor at a middle school. Someone took a poo and placed it on the sink. FML

by Crapper. / 09/16/2016 at 4:35pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML

by DabTheFuckOut / 09/16/2016 at 3:35pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, I was house-hunting online. I was becoming increasingly discouraged and began to look for mini-houses in absurd desperation. I noticed the Google sidebar advertising a cute mini house within my budget. Excited, I clicked on the ad - only to discover it was an ad for a child's playhouse. FML

by Nohouseforme / 10/07/2016 at 1:38am / United States (Arizona) / Money