Today, I started a new job. The synopsis of my training was, "You're starting a job you're going to hate and you'll be fired for entertaining yourself while waiting for us to give you more work. But you're going to love being here." FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2016 at 1:04am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I watched my high school crush pull into the parking spot next to me, and then almost immediately he started backing out once he saw me parked next to him. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2016 at 12:34am / United States (Louisiana) / Love

faeliality's comment : At least now you know his pull out skills are on point

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Today, I found out that someone found my lost library card, and instead of returning it, took out multiple items. If they don't return them, I'm on the hook to paying over $100 for them. FML

by bookbroke / 04/26/2016 at 12:27am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Money

Today, once again someone pointed out how much my brother and boyfriend look alike. FML

by tellyc / 04/25/2016 at 10:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at school, I wore a back brace because I have fractured vertebrae. During first period, a girl tapped me on the back to ask me a question. It made a "knocking on wood" sound. She looked at me like I was a freak. FML

by Drew / 04/25/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my ex-best friend, who I haven't spoken to in a year because of how obsessive she got, posted a picture of herself with dyed brown hair and glasses. We look like twins. Even I thought it was me. Some people are commenting that I look beautiful. School starts tomorrow. FML

by exiebestie / 04/25/2016 at 9:30pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Anubis94's comment : She's beatin you at your own looks?? Sounds like a confrontation is in order

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Today, I had to tell the third guy that my mother set me up with that it wasn't him, it's me. Apparently my mother thinks if she sets me up with enough guys, I will "date the gay out". FML

by out of the closet / 04/25/2016 at 8:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Waxwell's comment : You need to tell her to her face that she needs to stop. It's completely disrespectful to not only you but also to the people she is setting you up with. She won't change until you confront her.

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Today, I had a throbbing cluster headache. It didn't help matters when an angry customer yelled at me because a dress was "defective." Why was it defective? It didn't fit her. Why didn't it fit her? It was the wrong size. FML

by checkthelabel / 04/25/2016 at 8:00pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

by TheNotSoGoodDay / 04/25/2016 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids

Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the noise of a snake moving around on my bed. I screamed so loudly that one of the locals woke up and came to have a look. When I explained, he laughed his ass off and left. FML

by Ausecours / 07/17/2014 at 8:38pm / Peru (Lima)

Today, I'm a waitress. A customer came in and acted very kindly and even mentioned how I was such a help to her. She also mentioned leaving a nice tip. The tip? A fake $20. Thanks. FML

by tired waitress / 04/25/2016 at 7:05pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I crawled under a table to plug a new lamp. When I tried to get up, I hit my head on the corner of the same table, getting me my fourth concussion in three years for trying to plug a f***ing lamp. FML

by Anonymous / 04/25/2016 at 4:37pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, a student pooped his pants in my office. I work with undergrad and graduate students. FML

by AcademicAdvisor / 04/25/2016 at 4:14pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work