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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my flatmate asked me to wash the large pile of dishes on the bench, and if I would start on cleaning the house which was a total mess. This would have been fine if I hadn't just walked in after being away for a week. FML

#21444629
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22760) - you deserved it (1868)

On 07/20/2015 at 6:01pm - misc - by I did them anyway (woman) - New Zealand

serslybro's comment : Sounds like someone thinks you're a maid service... I would put it all in his bed. Lol

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Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML

#21444515
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26284) - you deserved it (7151)

On 07/20/2015 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by Marika - United States (California)

Miss_Chevious's comment : did you cry "oh God" as you climaxed?

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Today, after hours of waiting in line, I finally met my favorite band. After posing for a picture, I looked at my phone to find that instead of taking a picture with me and the band, my friend took selfies. FML

giantsfan2010's comment : Just reading this fml pissed me off. Can't imagine how upset you are.

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Today, I was fired from my dream job for being pregnant. Apparently, you can't teach children while growing one inside you. FML

#21444439
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30719) - you deserved it (2104)

On 07/20/2015 at 10:29am - work - by mrsmahdi - United States (California)

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window and peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

#21444376
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22866) - you deserved it (1622)

On 07/20/2015 at 4:21am - work - by TheDrugsAreStrongWithThisOne (woman) - United States

Today, the AC broke at work. I work in a hotel and every single guest asked me if I knew how hot it was in the lobby. It was 96 degrees for 7 hours. I definitely knew. FML

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

#21444253
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22934) - you deserved it (3258)

On 07/19/2015 at 11:02pm - health - by Bleach dat Blood (woman) -

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

#21444252
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23877) - you deserved it (1680)

On 07/19/2015 at 11:00pm - intimacy - by creepedout (woman) - United States (California)

Today, for some reason entirely beyond my knowledge, Siri referred to me as "Sugartits". FML

#21444204
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21959) - you deserved it (2863)

On 07/19/2015 at 9:23pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

#21444043
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21714) - you deserved it (2239)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at a professional tennis match. The ball was hit extremely hard, resulting in it going into the crowd. And when I say crowd, I mean my face. FML

#21443966
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21275) - you deserved it (1780)

On 07/19/2015 at 10:36am - health - by Ouch - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's office, I looked up at the news on the TV to see my husband's mugshot. FML

#21443899
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26098) - you deserved it (1893)

On 07/19/2015 at 5:02am - misc - by wtf did he do - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was talking to my friend, who was telling me he's having suicidal thoughts lately. He then said he'd be back in a few minutes. Nearly an hour passed. I panicked, thinking he'd offed himself. Several minutes after I called the emergency services, he messaged me, saying "K, back." FML

#21443864
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25316) - you deserved it (2738)

On 07/19/2015 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)



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