Today, I had the option of choosing a train or a plane to get to my destination. The train was cheaper but took 4 hours longer, so I picked the plane. My flight was delayed, so I essentially paid more to arrive later. FML
by apawn / 07/22/2016 at 3:25pm / Transportation
by i fuckin love habaneros / 07/22/2016 at 3:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
alphafish17's comment : Were the veins in your penis?
Today, I had to deal with yet another day of people looking at my name tag and saying "You know nothing, John Snow." with a shit-eating grin, like they're the wittiest people alive. Then I had to deal with my boss telling me to lighten up, because it's "just a joke". FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work
zipJohn's comment : What do you mean you had to "deal with your boss" what do you want him/her to do, throw merchandise at the customers and tell them to leave the KING OF THE NORTH alone?
by Anonymous / 07/22/2016 at 1:17pm / Miscellaneous
Tripartita's comment : Of all the ways to find a turd sitting in a sink, casually seems best. Be grateful it wasn't sitting cantankerously, explosively, or affectionately.
Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation daily in an effort to get pregnant. My husband has only had one task during the entire process, and after hours of gaming, he says he's just too tired to have sex. FML
by NotTheMomma / 07/22/2016 at 10:06am / Intimacy
Today, my dad didn't mention he had just aired up the tire on my van and that it might have a hole in it. It wasn't flat when I left the house but it sure as hell was when it exploded, not even a mile down the road. FML
by ThanksForTheWarningDad / 07/22/2016 at 7:09am / United States (Nebraska) / Transportation
Today, I was told I'm not invited to my best friend's birthday party. Apparently, being divorced and childless doesn't "mesh" well with the rest of the group. My parents are still watching her kids so she can go away for the weekend. FML
by Foreveralone / 07/22/2016 at 4:54am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by DFTBA but FML / 07/22/2016 at 3:51am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by hellolaina / 07/22/2016 at 3:43am / United States (Ohio) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/22/2016 at 12:14am / United States (Montana) / Transportation
by lizim353 / 07/21/2016 at 11:40pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Animals
Today, I spiced things up by lying on the bed and pouring melted white chocolate on myself. I called out to my fiancé to come in. He was 'checking' his favourite scene in Batman vs Superman and couldn't hear me. I was stuck unable to move for ten minutes until he finally heard me. FML
by Chocolaty / 07/21/2016 at 8:48pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the store to get groceries. After getting all the stuff I need, and was heading towards the checkout point, I heard a baby cry and instantly felt coldness on my shirt. Yes I was lactating, and yes it was noticeable. FML
by gamerlaura / 07/21/2016 at 6:09pm / United Kingdom (Gwynedd) / Health