Today, it has been my lifelong dream to work with animals. My dream sorta came true. I now work at the slaughterhouse. FML

by BaconGirl / 07/08/2016 at 2:00am / Work

Bonngoo's comment : I mean... you kinda decide where you work.. right?

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Today, my future husband presented me with an engagement ring he had had engraved with the pet name he calls his cat. FML

by purrfect :/ / 07/07/2016 at 6:34pm / Love

Dat_Class_Tho's comment : So does he have the same pet name for both of you, or did he put the wrong one on the ring because of a mix up at the engravers? Because in my head right now, I'm picturing that the cat's new collar tag says "my love" and your ring says "fluffykins".

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Today, my dad is obsessed with making sure that I am not in any way 'bare' in front of the windows of our house. Which is surrounded by tall trees, five metres worth of tall trees. I'm not sure whether to be creeped out that someone might see me or that my dad is unhealthily obsessed about this. FML

Today, I went to my boss with concerns that my manager is dumping her responsibilities on me. He agreed and told me to just do whatever she wants. She gets paid twice as much as me to talk on her cellphone all day. FML

by raquelcita / 08/26/2016 at 2:05am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 months. He was always worried I would cheat on him, so he cheated on me. FML

by anon... / 08/26/2016 at 12:10am / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

fordneagles's comment : Always seems to be that whatever your SO is constantly accusing you of, they're almost certainly guilty of. Fucked up. You're better off OP, stay strong!

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Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML

by cullenthegreat / 08/25/2016 at 12:26pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my dog chewing on something. I called her over, held out my hand, and told her to drop it. She dropped it into my hand, and I was proud of her. That was until I realized it was cat poop. FML

by Caqtusmonkey / 08/25/2016 at 11:28am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I was taking a shower in a hostel when the girl in the cubicle next to mine decided to blow her nose onto the shower floor. The water from her cubicle was flowing into mine and I ended up standing in a puddle of fresh watery snot. FML

by LennyLemon / 08/25/2016 at 9:00am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML

by Impressionist / 08/25/2016 at 7:17am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to pop the question to my beloved. Perfect lighting, fresh cut roses, a fancy dinner. The restaurant was in on it too. Shame they brought out the wedding-themed congratulations dessert before I actually went down on my knee. FML

by Bassackward / 08/25/2016 at 1:53am / Love

Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and see if I was OK was my World of Warcraft guild leader after I didn't show up to raid. FML

by Anonymous / 08/24/2016 at 11:50pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, for breakfast, I made a butter sandwich. I'm that broke. FML

by FoodNeeded / 08/24/2016 at 10:24pm / Russian Federation (Moscow City) / Money

Today, our art teacher told us we will have to build a giant Coca-Cola bottle made of smaller ones as our art project for next week, meant to represent the damage consumerism does to our environment. I think he doesn’t understand we will have to buy tons of Coke to get the bottles needed. FML

by Earthling / 08/24/2016 at 10:20pm / Colombia (Distrito Especial) / Work