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Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

#21364983
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29071) - you deserved it (4359)

On 02/28/2015 at 12:03am - intimacy - by FreshDonuts (man) - United States (Tennessee)

FreshToDeathEf's comment : Tell her you're going to start appreciating the little things in life starting with her tits.

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Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

#21364935
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23418) - you deserved it (2187)

On 02/27/2015 at 11:14pm - misc - by bobjope -

benikora's comment : Well if you learnt necromancy you wouldn't have to commit necrophillia

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Today, I fell in the shower and the doors jammed shut. I was stuck in there for hours, waiting for my parents to come home. They had to open the door for me while I was still naked inside. FML

#21364892
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25470) - you deserved it (2893)

On 02/27/2015 at 10:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Iwtumn's comment : I'm sure they've seen you naked before.

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Today, I broke my leg. My mom told me I still have to go to tennis class tomorrow because the course isn't refundable. FML

#21364862
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26382) - you deserved it (1925)

On 02/27/2015 at 9:25pm - health - by Ouch (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, my hiccups got so intense that I threw up in the middle of class. FML

#21364742
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27304) - you deserved it (2120)

On 02/27/2015 at 5:23pm - misc - by pregz (woman) - United States

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

#21364671
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26270) - you deserved it (2345)

On 02/27/2015 at 3:20pm - misc - by Y_Y (man) - United States

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

#21364648
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25259) - you deserved it (2842)

On 02/27/2015 at 2:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML

#21364630
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28274) - you deserved it (2526)

On 02/27/2015 at 2:14pm - misc - by boyishgirl - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

#21364599
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30385) - you deserved it (2159)

On 02/27/2015 at 1:24pm - health - by Mark (man) - Malta

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

#21364532
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31595) - you deserved it (2246)

On 02/27/2015 at 10:29am - misc - by MCForty (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML

#21364495
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29243) - you deserved it (2841)

On 02/27/2015 at 9:13am - love - by shoggoth_wild - United States (Mississippi)

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

#21364342
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26925) - you deserved it (4941)

On 02/27/2015 at 12:28am - intimacy - by milked (woman) - United States

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

#21364287
156 comments


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Friday 27 February 2015

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