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Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML

#21318557
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26002) - you deserved it (6176)

On 12/16/2014 at 2:26pm - misc - by privatebathroomneeded - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

#21318499
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26877) - you deserved it (1956)

On 12/16/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by shit_fer_luck (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML

#21318466
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25933) - you deserved it (2821)

On 12/16/2014 at 10:01am - animals - by scars - United States (Illinois)

panicsdisaster's comment : that's because she is sensitive and doesn't trust people again.

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Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML

Welshite's comment : You're educating them by giving them real-life practical scenarios.

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Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

#21318416
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29386) - you deserved it (5596)

On 12/16/2014 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Extravirgin (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Welshite's comment : Well...fork.

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Today, I found out my Nan passed away. My boyfriend came over to comfort me, things got intimate and we ended up having sex. After he came, he chuckled to himself and said, "That one's for you, Nan". FML

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

#21318238
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28324) - you deserved it (3329)

On 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm - kids - by Lisa - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

#21318154
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27500) - you deserved it (2327)

On 12/15/2014 at 8:23pm - misc - by period_probs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26256) - you deserved it (2771)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, my classmate said I looked better without makeup. Well, her exact words were, "You look like less of a whore without makeup." FML

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

#21317874
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28956) - you deserved it (2492)

On 12/15/2014 at 11:07am - animals - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I called this girl I've had a crush on for 2 years to confess my love to her. However, as she picked up the phone, I got so nervous that I froze and couldn't say a word. I was standing there, breathing heavily for 20 seconds. She got so freaked out that she threatened to call the police. FML

#21317815
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28321) - you deserved it (7593)

On 12/15/2014 at 6:59am - love - by LonelyGuy (man) - Australia



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