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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

#21404242
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27724) - you deserved it (1965)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:04am - misc - by double trouble -

Baustigt's comment : Clearly that bicycle isn't the only thing he's riding.

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Today, I found out why my husband has been coming home from work so late. Turns out he loves to help people. Specifically female people. And by help, I mean sleep with. FML

#21403935
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27445) - you deserved it (2160)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by I pick em' good - United States

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

#21403907
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25834) - you deserved it (1946)

On 05/03/2015 at 12:55pm - misc - by umyuck - United States (Virginia)

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

#21403757
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27558) - you deserved it (3973)

On 05/03/2015 at 3:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

KatieKoala's comment : It's almost like a thong, . . . butt floss

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Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

#21403720
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26069) - you deserved it (4079)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland

Welshite's comment : Chocolate covered coffee beans are your friend. Tell your boss they are chocolate covered raisins, and you'll be left alone. No one sane likes raisins.

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Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

#21403711
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26789) - you deserved it (2478)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

#21403566
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27427) - you deserved it (2572)

On 05/02/2015 at 8:08pm - work - by Jbheller (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I hadn't slept well the night before and when I got onto the scariest ride, I somehow fell half asleep. I woke up upside down and ended up peeing myself in terror. FML

#21403515
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25938) - you deserved it (4416)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59pm - misc - by Upside-Down Sleeper. - United States (Maryland)

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

#21403442
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27074) - you deserved it (3216)

On 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm - misc - by gross - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

#21403387
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26587) - you deserved it (1913)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:54pm - misc - by Eternal Servitude - United States (California)

Today, I clogged the toilet in the one-man bathroom at the corner store, with a line of about 5 people waiting outside. FML

#21403375
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25380) - you deserved it (3989)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:36pm - misc - by imtheshit - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML

#21403358
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24129) - you deserved it (2029)

On 05/02/2015 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

#21403333
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22486) - you deserved it (5638)

On 05/02/2015 at 10:23am - intimacy - by wellfuck (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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