Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

#21314514
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30672) - you deserved it (2705)

On 12/09/2014 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Beaker318's comment : Aaaaand it's time for him to get a new place to live.

See all the comments →

Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML

#21314459
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31143) - you deserved it (3432)

On 12/09/2014 at 2:15pm - kids - by Amore (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Hiimhaileypotter's comment : You should return it and get him coal instead. ;) Serves him right for misleading Santa!

See all the comments →

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

#21314442
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31341) - you deserved it (5250)

On 12/09/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Hiimhaileypotter's comment : The other day, a girl in my Spanish course asked the professor if, instead of tests, we could just do oral from now on to get better grades. She meant oral presentations like skits, but obviously it didn't come out that way. Talk about hilarious...I'm pretty immature so if my boss said something like this to me I'd laugh. :)

See all the comments →

Today, while fasting for a medical test, my blood sugar became so low that I had heart palpitations and passed out. My doctor's advice? Fast, so he can run more tests. FML

#21314271
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28418) - you deserved it (2384)

On 12/09/2014 at 4:39am - health - by fucking moron (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

#21314190
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29586) - you deserved it (2200)

On 12/09/2014 at 12:45am - misc - by mn167109 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mom texted me and asked what I was up to. In response, I joked, "Dancing on the dining room table, waving dad's Calvin Klein's in the air, and shooting bullets into her bedroom floor." Not only did the cops show up, but now I'm grounded for two weeks for being, "deceptively believable." FML

#21314000
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30941) - you deserved it (5333)

On 12/08/2014 at 7:38pm - misc - by #goodbyelife - United States

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

#21313951
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29148) - you deserved it (2265)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:23pm - health - by anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother has issued a 'Christmas Ultimatum'. The rest of us have exactly 2 days to "get some Christmas around here" or we will feel her wrath. FML

#21313942
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24197) - you deserved it (3621)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

#21313940
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22724) - you deserved it (2045)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:08pm - misc - by blech (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I finally found my passport. The day after my flight took off and left me behind. FML

#21313778
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29004) - you deserved it (8333)

On 12/08/2014 at 1:43pm - misc - by forgetful - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)

Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML

#21313753
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33109) - you deserved it (3235)

On 12/08/2014 at 12:58pm - love - by Anonomous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML

#21313670
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29012) - you deserved it (4269)

On 12/08/2014 at 9:12am - love - by lovethateuropeanblood (woman) - Japan (Osaka)

Today, my boss commented on the fact that I don't usually wear makeup, then told me it would be much appreciated if I'd change that. FML

#21313609
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28761) - you deserved it (2925)

On 12/08/2014 at 4:17am - work - by sarahc_c (woman) -



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: