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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my brother changed my Google+ name without asking. He has done this before and I fixed it by just changing it back. Turns out Google has a 3-time limit per year for how many times you can change your name. Now I'm stuck with "Poop" for my YouTube name for a year. FML

#21412861
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25586) - you deserved it (3902)

On 05/20/2015 at 1:34am - misc - by KittKatt (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

weedle99's comment : Why don't you change your password so he doesn't know it

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Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

#21412642
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23499) - you deserved it (7998)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:58pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Scottish Borders, The)

dylanger16's comment : Why did you put your whole body into the crate to pet the dog?

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Today, after taking my crush to the train station late at night, I sat in a local park alone with my thoughts for a while. Two cops appeared out of nowhere and started searching me for drugs and weapons, asking me questions for a good 30 minutes. Not the kind of action I expected tonight. FML

#21412638
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25230) - you deserved it (2134)

On 05/19/2015 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

DinosaurTacoTime's comment : Shame on you for having a valid reason to be out at night.

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Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

#21412612
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24537) - you deserved it (1558)

On 05/19/2015 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

#21412477
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26648) - you deserved it (9624)

On 05/19/2015 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

#21412440
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29700) - you deserved it (3076)

On 05/19/2015 at 7:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

#21412386
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28110) - you deserved it (4418)

On 05/19/2015 at 2:45am - intimacy - by username - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

#21412233
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25535) - you deserved it (6320)

On 05/18/2015 at 9:22pm - money - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had the most rancid fart. My dog woke up from his nap and bit me as punishment. FML

#21412078
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24776) - you deserved it (7044)

On 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm - misc - by Swabidizop - United States (Colorado)

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

#21412007
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28069) - you deserved it (2297)

On 05/18/2015 at 2:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30862) - you deserved it (2927)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML



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