Today, as I was getting out of the car, my 7-year-old son opened the door for me. I thought it was very gentlemanly of him to do that, until he smashed my thumb with the car door. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2016 at 10:38am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that'll kill my sex drive, just so she won't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2016 at 8:46am / Switzerland (Graubunden) / Intimacy

Wizardo's comment : That's make you a libido and her a libidont.

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Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML

by just die already / 04/24/2016 at 5:55am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

BShek's comment : Looking at her reaction, it probably wasn't a good idea posting this... Keep one eye open tonight...

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Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML

by sleepingbeauty / 04/24/2016 at 4:45am / United States (Mississippi) / Love

bronxiecat777's comment : Maybe it's a good idea to talk face to face about how you feel

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Today, I went into the bathroom and got angry upon finding that once again, no one had bothered to put on a new roll of toilet paper. And then I remembered that I live alone. FML

by HomeAlone / 04/24/2016 at 12:45am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the firm I work at informed all the employees about our annual staff trip. So, we're going to a tomato festival and everything is already planned and booked. I'm allergic to tomatoes. FML

by schnegg / 04/23/2016 at 1:33pm / Switzerland / Work

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

by Roomie pay rent plz / 04/23/2016 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, the CEO of my company wanted to meet with me. I was excited until I found out she just wanted to bitch me out and personally fire me. Later on, I found out my boss had totally shafted me and blamed the failure of a big project on me instead of admitting it was all his fault. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2016 at 5:14am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

by she won't see a therapist / 04/23/2016 at 12:37am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 10:22pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my neighbor called the cops on me, all because he heard me speaking Arabic. I was on the phone with my grandmother in Egypt. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 11:26pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter had a vocabulary assignment. She had to find five new words in books and movies. She was watching Shrek, so her first word was "thong". FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I'm a 27-year-old back-to-school university student. Everyone hates me because I'm actually interested in participating in my classes and getting good grades, instead of partying, cheating in exams, and generally not giving a crap. Apparently I make them look bad. FML