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Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML

Baustigt's comment : Well, the only explanation is it found its way into your bloodstream and attached itself to your brain stem like some kind of artificial parasite. Be vigilant, OP: if you suddenly find yourself thinking about getting lots and lots more IUDs, you'll know the takeover has begun.

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Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

#21430214
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23801) - you deserved it (4454)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm - health - by oh no (man) - United States (California)

pabj208's comment : Lock the door if you're doing weird shit (literally)

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Today, after parking in the handicapped spot of a lot with my placard, an older couple with their 7-year-old grandchild came up and yelled at me for being a lying asshole and taking the parking spot. When I showed them my prosthetic leg, the kid started crying and guess who got yelled at again. FML

#21430208
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28735) - you deserved it (1258)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:46pm - health - by ICanExplain - United States (California)

ohjoy15's comment : Oh my God. I'm so sorry that happened to you. The nerve of some people. At least you know the second time they yelled at you... it's because they knew they looked stupid the first time.

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Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

#21430201
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21475) - you deserved it (2536)

On 06/22/2015 at 4:35pm - health - by LukesSkyWalker (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML

#21430188
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24931) - you deserved it (2852)

On 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm - love - by Partners (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

#21430170
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23779) - you deserved it (2061)

On 06/22/2015 at 3:10pm - kids - by vkryss13 - Guam

Today, my pinky finger found out how much a king size bed weighs. FML

#21430073
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22657) - you deserved it (2453)

On 06/22/2015 at 11:12am - health - by akimbojuju - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after I drove two hours to his house, because he wanted to do it face to face. Then told me that if I wanted, we could have sex one last time, but I would have to leave right after, otherwise it would be weird. FML

#21430061
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25775) - you deserved it (1911)

On 06/22/2015 at 10:41am - intimacy - by bonzo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

#21430016
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28793) - you deserved it (3538)

On 06/22/2015 at 7:35am - work - by Iamsosorry (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, when I turned on the TV, there was a picture of a wanted murderer. The picture looked just like my boyfriend. FML

#21430015
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26897) - you deserved it (2363)

On 06/22/2015 at 7:26am - misc - by 1234 - United States (Florida)

Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML

#21429840
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23445) - you deserved it (1642)

On 06/21/2015 at 11:08pm - intimacy - by koanroak - United States (Texas)

Today, while swimming under water, my 80-pound lab thought I was drowning and tried to "rescue" me by jumping in after me, wrapping his front legs around my neck, and standing on my chest. FML

#21429802
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21692) - you deserved it (1740)

On 06/21/2015 at 10:16pm - animals - by Angel (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was invited to a fancy-shmancy charity event, and the host - my friend - told me to wear a long, ballroom, fancy gown. Turns out my friend was just being a dick and it was a pool party. I spent $200 on my hair and makeup alone. FML

#21429755
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25428) - you deserved it (4358)

On 06/21/2015 at 8:50pm - misc - by ssondik - United States (Connecticut)



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