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Today, my younger sister ran into my room, telling me someone was trying to break in. We were home alone, so she went to hide as I took a crowbar and followed the intruder. Just as I was about to swing, he turned around: it was my dad. I had to explain to my sister that burglars don't have keys. FML

#21251987
61 comments

swaggyswagswag's comment : Thats actually kinda funny and cute lol

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Today, my girlfriend got up in the middle of sex saying, "You're taking too long, I'm gonna go make some popcorn." I asked her if she could get me some. She said no. FML

#21251846
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38676) - you deserved it (7865)

On 09/04/2014 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by candy man - United States (North Carolina)

MissBehavin77's comment : That's a new one. I didn't know there was such a thing as " taking too long" for a girl. I say you deserved the popcorn at least.

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Today, my cat decided to use my bowl of rice krispies as his litter box. FML

Today, I was walking my dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimed, "Keep those mutts away from my kid". I replied just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog. It was then we both realised she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work. FML

blueblu97's comment : Pure bad luck

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Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

#21251632
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41439) - you deserved it (3158)

On 09/04/2014 at 2:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my roommate asked for my opinion of her new painting. The same painting I hand-painted for over ten hours. She apparently thought it was a gift. She won't give it back. FML

#21251580
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36425) - you deserved it (2885)

On 09/04/2014 at 12:46am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

#21251459
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38953) - you deserved it (3362)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:31pm - work - by anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML

#21251454
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30879) - you deserved it (2643)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:24pm - kids - by adeeri - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

#21251377
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37130) - you deserved it (3334)

On 09/03/2014 at 7:35pm - kids - by MusicLover18 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

#21251355
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30858) - you deserved it (4674)

On 09/03/2014 at 7:13pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

#21251320
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16586) - you deserved it (30815)

On 09/03/2014 at 6:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

#21251280
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31469) - you deserved it (3112)

On 09/03/2014 at 5:30pm - health - by svenska75 (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33826) - you deserved it (4500)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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Thursday 11 September 2014

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