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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
162 comments

ResidentThatGuy's comment : Ask him for a dick pic and do the same thing.

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Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

xJChristine's comment : Say you accidentally took your girlfriends toothbrush :) Good luck!

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Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML

#21459236
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19968) - you deserved it (5779)

On 08/22/2015 at 8:21am - work - by BryanTazed - United States (Virginia)

NoBookNoGood's comment : Why did you run? It seems like you belonged in that place. could have just explained it..

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Today, my period started again. I just finished a 17-day period 3 days ago. FML

#21459211
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27765) - you deserved it (1780)

On 08/22/2015 at 6:47am - health - by period pains - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

#21459209
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19660) - you deserved it (6984)

On 08/22/2015 at 6:18am - intimacy - by fuck no (woman) - India (Kerala)

Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. I can't believe I married this neurotic wreck. FML

#21459202
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21853) - you deserved it (4008)

On 08/22/2015 at 5:44am - love - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

#21459180
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22121) - you deserved it (2600)

On 08/22/2015 at 3:30am - animals - by yooitscallo (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered "Fucking tryhard." FML

#21459168
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22928) - you deserved it (3017)

On 08/22/2015 at 2:58am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my coworker called me a liar when I said I've been to New York. This is the same psycho who honestly expects me to believe that she and Brad Pitt have a "thing" and that he secretly communicates with her through interviews on TV. FML

#21459151
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23860) - you deserved it (1549)

On 08/22/2015 at 1:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when I saw my best friend. I jokingly did a double-take and said I didn't recognize him with his clothes on. We laughed, talked a bit, then went our separate ways. My girlfriend later dumped me, claiming I'm blatantly gay and cheating on her. FML

#21459115
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24425) - you deserved it (3503)

On 08/21/2015 at 11:59pm - love - by cuckoo (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

#21459109
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18770) - you deserved it (7123)

On 08/21/2015 at 11:55pm - misc - by FishFlingingMonkey (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my sister got promoted to manager at the store we both work at. Since company policy states that siblings can't work at the same store if one of them is a manager, I was let go. FML

#21459013
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22417) - you deserved it (1567)

On 08/21/2015 at 8:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a box full of crickets in my room. I sealed it up with tape and went to take a shower. When I returned, I found that the box had popped open, releasing almost all of the crickets. I can still hear the chirping. FML



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