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Man or woman?

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

#21279077
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31416) - you deserved it (2927)

On 10/16/2014 at 1:07pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, the steroids I was prescribed for a slightly irritating sinus infection have worked, albeit at the price of making me almost shit my pants multiple times. My sinuses are now clear enough that I get the full scent of my steroid-induced diarrhea. FML

#21279069
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27956) - you deserved it (2510)

On 10/16/2014 at 12:44pm - health - by roidrager (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

#21278689
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33845) - you deserved it (2436)

On 10/15/2014 at 10:33pm - health - by BoobiePain - Canada (New Brunswick)

noobienick's comment : I guess they aren't your breast friends

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Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33824) - you deserved it (3681)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

BlameTheOwls's comment : Not gonna lie, that's a great image.

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Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

#21278356
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24841) - you deserved it (49473)

On 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

youllnvrkno's comment : Moral of the story, Never judge a book by its cover.

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Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

#21278162
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37870) - you deserved it (4526)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:27am - misc - by burritobreasts -

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I discovered that I climax sooner if I think about pretzels. Yes, pretzels. The food product. I'll never be able to eat them again. FML

#21278160
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32269) - you deserved it (4442)

On 10/15/2014 at 2:26am - intimacy - by datgurllllukno (woman) - United States

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

#21278125
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33343) - you deserved it (2998)

On 10/15/2014 at 12:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd feel like a failure if he went to community college. I'm planning to go to community college next year. FML

#21277941
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31185) - you deserved it (4138)

On 10/14/2014 at 9:06pm - love - by failure - United States (California)

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

#21277907
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29463) - you deserved it (3111)

On 10/14/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by ForeverAlone - United States (South Dakota)

Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML

#21277708
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40335) - you deserved it (2910)

On 10/14/2014 at 2:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched from my office window as a couple maneuvered their car to squash a dead pigeon flat on the road. I then watched as they got out of the car, set up tripods and started taking photos of it. FML

Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

#21277469
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32627) - you deserved it (2683)

On 10/14/2014 at 3:15am - misc - by I_AM_READING - United States (Alaska)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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