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Today, I am still finding glitter in my ass crack after a concert last night that had a confetti cannon. Thanks Marilyn Manson, I feel so metal now. FML

clumsylobster's comment : How the heck does it get down there? Open your butt and face the cannon?

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Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29010) - you deserved it (3675)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Queensland's comment : And you just... Let him hump your leg?

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Today, I was at a friend's birthday party when I got a call from my mom telling me to come home because my dog died. When I told my friend that I had to leave because of the loss, she replied with, "Okay, but you brought my gift inside, right?" FML

#21363530
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28537) - you deserved it (2339)

On 02/25/2015 at 8:43pm - animals - by natashamilan - United States (Michigan)

iwanttogotoparis's comment : Maybe she didn't hear you right? If not then maybe you shouldn't be around such negative people, sorry for you loss

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Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

#21363391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27935) - you deserved it (3181)

On 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by Fuck - United States (Michigan)

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

#21363273
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28462) - you deserved it (1999)

On 02/25/2015 at 11:53am - misc - by need sleep - United States (Maryland)

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

#21363251
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31048) - you deserved it (2375)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:44am - animals - by cat-astrophic (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boss used Siri to settle a debate we were having in our team meeting. Siri responded by calling him "Daddy". FML

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

#21363187
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26733) - you deserved it (2451)

On 02/25/2015 at 6:51am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

#21363177
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23854) - you deserved it (11435)

On 02/25/2015 at 5:33am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was given my yearly evaluation as a cake decorator at Walmart. They said I "was easily the best decorator there" and "the bakery has definitely improved since I got there." In the same conversation they put "unsatisfactory" on my evaluation and denied my raise. FML

Today, I T-boned a woman who pulled out of a parking lot right in front of me. According to her, the accident was my fault because she "didn't see" me. FML

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

#21363021
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26790) - you deserved it (2819)

On 02/24/2015 at 11:33pm - animals - by Sarah1330 (woman) - United States

Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML

#21362753
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25844) - you deserved it (4170)

On 02/24/2015 at 6:13pm - misc - by whiteycan'tgetitrightey - United Kingdom (Norfolk)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

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