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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend when I began dozing off. I was then awoken by an explosive fart. It was me. FML

#21340117
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28238) - you deserved it (4753)

On 01/19/2015 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

#21340022
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29258) - you deserved it (3610)

On 01/19/2015 at 1:34am - misc - by momac86 - United States

Today, my crush was giving me a ride home. As we pulled up to my house, he looked into my eyes with a sweet smile and said the words every girl wants to hear - "Do you give head?" FML

#21339980
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32738) - you deserved it (5143)

On 01/19/2015 at 12:35am - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

iop330's comment : That's when you say yes and headbutt him.

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Today, my mother told me how long it took for her to have me. Not how long she carried me in her womb - how long it took her and my dad to have sex. FML

#21339798
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26361) - you deserved it (2181)

On 01/18/2015 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by -.- - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, just to win a bet against my mum that he could make me scream like a bitch, my dad faked his own suicide. He went the whole mile: fake blood everywhere, fake gun, yelling "Goodbye!" and playing a loud gunshot sound effect from his PC, everything. My dad won; my underwear lost. FML

#21339686
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36800) - you deserved it (3261)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:58pm - misc - by pissed out pants (man) - United Kingdom

skyeyez9's comment : Wth is wrong with your dad?! That is a cruel thing to do

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Today, I went to a job interview. It was my last shot of getting a job before my savings run dry. It all went well until I was asked why I wanted to join the company. I got flustered and stuttered, "Because I um, I like money?" The guy gave me the most insincere "We'll be in touch." ever. FML

#21339665
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25372) - you deserved it (7905)

On 01/18/2015 at 4:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

RobinGoodfellow's comment : Always, always prepare answers for these questions ahead of time. It's a common question to be asked in an interview.

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Today, I ran out of cash. The nearest ATM to my house is over a half hour away by foot. After walking all the way there under the blistering heat of the sun, I realized I'd left my card back at home. FML

#21339623
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17746) - you deserved it (19629)

On 01/18/2015 at 2:44pm - money - by saqmuel093 (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

#21339526
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25908) - you deserved it (18399)

On 01/18/2015 at 11:34am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonalds and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML

#21339341
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28180) - you deserved it (1965)

On 01/18/2015 at 2:04am - work - by McSlave - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML

#21339329
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35952) - you deserved it (2577)

On 01/18/2015 at 1:29am - intimacy - by virginwhore (woman) -

Today, my parents threatened to take away my college funds. Why? Because I complained about my 10 pm curfew during break as a freshman in college. FML

#21339229
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29009) - you deserved it (4340)

On 01/17/2015 at 10:50pm - money - by sophiae123 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw a little old lady trying to cross the street. I went over and tried to help her. Turned out she was actually just a really short young woman. As soon as I took her arm, she screamed in front of everyone and accused me of trying to molest her. FML

#21339220
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27153) - you deserved it (7266)

On 01/17/2015 at 10:45pm - misc - by Help Me (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I saw a stick in my car and picked it up to throw it out the window. The "stick" turned out to have eyes. It was a dead lizard. FML

#21339043
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21985) - you deserved it (9408)

On 01/17/2015 at 5:30pm - animals - by bad luck Bianca - United States (Texas)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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