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Today, I noticed that I'm way more productive when I'm drinking than when I'm not. I think I just figured out why I'm related to so many alcoholics. FML

#21315807
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25177) - you deserved it (2760)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:17pm - health - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

#21315734
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19464) - you deserved it (24619)

On 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm - work - by IHateSchool-.- - United States

SharnaaaBanana's comment : Hey you gotta admit that was a pretty good comeback :p

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Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML

#21315694
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32963) - you deserved it (4131)

On 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

saraitkddh's comment : look at the bright side, you are not the one who is pregnant!

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Today, since my finals are starting tomorrow, I made a joke about setting my math books on fire. I laughed. Friends laughed. Parents laughed. Guess what subject just managed to actually get in touch with my scented candles? FML

#21315641
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24731) - you deserved it (5271)

On 12/11/2014 at 2:55pm - misc - by not laughing anymore - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

KittyLahv's comment : I guess Satan laughed too.

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Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I last that long. FML

#21315600
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20793) - you deserved it (9693)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by cigarettes - United States

Today, the power went out at school. As a senior, I don't show up until third period. When I got there, I signed in as usual. The office secretary waited until I signed in to tell me that if I hadn't, I wouldn't have to attend classes that day. Now I have to sit in class doing nothing. FML

#21315594
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24875) - you deserved it (2868)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:20pm - misc - by KCHS - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

#21315592
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28820) - you deserved it (6026)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anon - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my son got in trouble at school. The kids had to solve a problem by determining whether it was better for "Edna" to repair or replace her AC unit. He said Edna is an "old person's name" and she was "probably going to die soon anyway", so she shouldn't do either. FML

#21315591
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26201) - you deserved it (3169)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:10pm - kids - by MedStudent90 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I wore what I thought was a hideous sweater from the thrift store for an ugly sweater contest. I've gotten more compliments on it than anything else I've ever worn. I can't even succeed at failure. FML

#21315542
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27299) - you deserved it (3183)

On 12/11/2014 at 11:10am - work - by anyoldnamewilldo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I popped into the shower hoping to come out all warm and clean. Something was very wrong with the pipes, and I came out smelling like sewage instead. FML

#21315541
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26502) - you deserved it (2529)

On 12/11/2014 at 11:09am - misc - by ohray - Turkey (Ankara)

Today, I received a gift certificate from my grandmother for a local bookshop. Considering how broke I am, this would be a fantastic gift. If the bookshop in question wasn't a right-wing evangelical Christian Bookshop, and I wasn't Jewish. FML

#21315500
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26374) - you deserved it (3029)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:29am - misc - by Soverytired (woman) - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be fun to kick open one of those unisex bathrooms in my workplace. I'm not sure who was more surprised, me or my boss who was in there taking a dump. FML

#21315499
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13136) - you deserved it (32969)

On 12/11/2014 at 8:26am - work - by unlucky (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer. He accidentally kicked the ball at my face and made me fall off the fence into mud. I laughed it off and got back on the fence. Two seconds later he did the same exact thing. I fell wrong and slammed my face into the fence. Pain. FML

#21315479
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26117) - you deserved it (5026)

On 12/11/2014 at 7:08am - health - by No thanks - United States



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