Today, as I was taking a shower, I felt something run down my back. Assuming it was water, I lathered up my loofah and scrubbed my back with it, only to hear a gross crunching sound. I pulled back my loofah to see a smushed, twitching cockroach that I had smeared on my back. FML
by kittywings / 04/28/2016 at 9:14pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
by welcome to the neighborhood / 04/28/2016 at 7:35pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by filipkm / 04/28/2016 at 6:04pm / Slovenia (Ljubljana Urban Commune) / Miscellaneous
Historical FMLToday, I really believed I could fly. Turns out, I can't. My leg hurts. FML - R. Kelly
by Anon / 04/28/2016 at 4:27pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
bheaze's comment : Then there's only one thing to do... Threesome with Hillary Clinton.
by AintEasyBeinWheezy / 04/28/2016 at 2:26pm / United States / Health
Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML
by tingleballs / 04/28/2016 at 10:57am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Tamandua's comment : I guess you weren't koalafied to use that oil.
by Gloomzz / 04/28/2016 at 9:54am / Latvia (Riga) / Money
shesaywha's comment : you have neighbours right? eat them.
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
by shit / 04/28/2016 at 7:05am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by MrDanito / 04/28/2016 at 2:21am / Czech Republic (Stredocesky kraj) / Intimacy
Today, my fiancé tells me he loves me about 100 times a day. At first it was cute, but now it's getting really annoying. We can't have a conversation without him throwing in about 10 "I love you"s. I'm beginning to not want to talk to him anymore. FML
by Jane / 04/27/2016 at 11:58pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, as I was cleaning up after my two year-old, I found a pair of lacy underwear in his toy box. Not only are they not mine, but now I have to ask my husband if he's cheating on me. Or ask my babysitter if she's being having fun, instead of actually babysitting. FML
by Whyme? / 04/27/2016 at 10:39pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous