Today, my crush was giving a presentation in class. I zoned out and began staring off into space - which happened to be in the exact direction of his crotch. When I realized what I was doing, I quickly looked up at his face. He was already looking at me, with an expression of severe discomfort. FML

by perverted teenage girl / 11/29/2016 at 4:51pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my 17-year-old daughter received several weird deposits from Paypal. I checked her phone to discover that she had changed the password for the first time in years. Fearing drugs, I confronted her. She broke down and confessed to selling rare digital Pokemon on eBay. FML

by Kelly / 11/29/2016 at 1:57pm / Kids

Today, a door-to-door salesman came to my apartment. I was too lazy to change from my teddy bear print pajamas, fuzzy socks and pink slippers when opening the door to him. He took one look at me and asked, "Hello darling, are your mommy and daddy home?" I'm 22 and live here on my own. FML

by ginkobiloba / 11/29/2016 at 6:01am / Miscellaneous

Devolution's comment : How short are you..?

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Today, I was in charge of Thanksgiving dinner. I dressed and stuffed the turkey, popped it in the oven and sent a mass text out to my family about how amazing it would be. Everyone arrived, we began making plates of food when I checked the turkey, and realized I never even turned on the oven. FML

by ArtistBlock / 11/25/2016 at 12:10am / Holidays

kristinjeaneen's comment : You didn't check the turkey or notice you couldn't smell it cooking?

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Today, I spoke with my boyfriend about where we want to live when I graduate. He says he doesn't know what he wants and his mother wouldn't approve of us living together. We've been together 3 years with the understanding we would live together once I graduated my Master's. FML

by committedandalone / 11/24/2016 at 9:45am / Love

Today, safety inspectors have deemed our basement unfit to serve as a bedroom due to a fire hazard. Our bed is now in the living room. FML

Tripartita's comment : "How are things between you and your partner?" "So hot our room has been legally condemned as a fire hazard!"

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Today, my boyfriend came over, got on his knees and took a small box out of his jacket. Then he narrowed his eyes, and said, “That’s funny, I can see your boogers from here. Anyway, wanna get married?” FML

by clementine-f / 02/10/2009 at 2:11am / Belgium

Today, I was meeting up with a friend in a town. He said he was at the restaurant we were going to meet at; I was too. Turns out I was in the wrong town. FML

by CloroxDoggo / 11/23/2016 at 7:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent my working day teaching my new Supervisor the basics of Excel. Until two weeks ago, he was the Office Junior. He and I applied for the same job, but he got it based on the strengths of his "far superior" Excel skills. I'm now teaching him how to do the job that I didn't get. FML

by luceeloo / 11/23/2016 at 5:10pm / Work

Today, the district manager visited. Also today, I got called into the office to talk about "personal hygiene". The assistant store manager asked me if I had some kind of medical problem and advised me to shower regularly because my co-workers have been making comments. FML

by S / 11/23/2016 at 4:14pm / Work

Today, I got engaged. I called my mom and told her. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she said. Afterwards, I told my dad. "Uh, Congratulations. But, I have questions." Thanks guys. FML

by porcelainleigh / 11/23/2016 at 2:41pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by sending me flowers that said, "I just need some space, forever. I hope I never see you again, even if you were a great person. It's not you it's me." FML

by PinkMonkeys / 11/23/2016 at 1:33pm / Love

2016/11/28
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