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Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

#21251320
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16622) - you deserved it (30936)

On 09/03/2014 at 6:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my physiotherapist a funny story. She got so entertained that she started giggling and twisted my broken arm. The pain was worse than when it broke in the first place. FML

#21251280
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31577) - you deserved it (3112)

On 09/03/2014 at 5:30pm - health - by svenska75 (woman) - Sent from mobile version

CaptainCola's comment : She just wanted to make sure you were going to be coming back to her another time so you could tell her more funny stories

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Today, my husband asked our tax professional if we could file my profession as "Expert Dream Murderer." I'm a guidance counselor. FML

#21251173
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33898) - you deserved it (4501)

On 09/03/2014 at 2:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

ironhead's comment : The truth hurts sometimes.

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Today, I was working at the daycare. As I left with my boyfriend, a kid came up to us and said that my boyfriend could do way better. FML

#21251155
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35177) - you deserved it (3232)

On 09/03/2014 at 1:40pm - kids - by unlucky - United States (New York)

WCARlover's comment : If you let the opinion of a kid in daycare bother you, you're gonna have a bad time

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Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

#21250887
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42326) - you deserved it (5206)

On 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by very punny (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

#21250852
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32997) - you deserved it (12691)

On 09/02/2014 at 10:41pm - misc - by akieferr - United States

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

#21250817
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35141) - you deserved it (3798)

On 09/02/2014 at 10:13pm - health - by soccer8goalie - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML

#21250795
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32012) - you deserved it (4743)

On 09/02/2014 at 9:35pm - health - by Gee... Thanks (man) -

Today, I unexpectedly ran into my boss. Last week, I'd met with him every day, putting together a last-minute presentation of my research for him to deliver at conference overseas. It turns out that his passport had expired. FML

#21250768
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31599) - you deserved it (2142)

On 09/02/2014 at 8:35pm - work - by theoftrescheduled (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

#21250726
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48363) - you deserved it (2456)

On 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm - misc - by SadAndDeaf -

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

#21250632
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34784) - you deserved it (2879)

On 09/02/2014 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

#21250584
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37082) - you deserved it (11303)

On 09/02/2014 at 3:48pm - misc - by A continent away (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40470) - you deserved it (7730)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)



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Thursday 11 September 2014

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