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Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

#21237829
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38001) - you deserved it (3162)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

RenoTheRhino's comment : Wink back at him next time and see what he does.

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Today, I found out that my doctor wasn't kidding when he said "sudden diarrhea may occur" with my new medication. I learned this while walking my dog a mile away from my house. FML

Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML

#21237592
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14920) - you deserved it (70573)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:54pm - misc - by oops - United States (California)

poulkrebs's comment : Whatever happened to minding ones own business ? If you don't like her singing, fair enough, but ydi for being an ass about it

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Today, my friend started choking while at a Hard Rock Cafe. I jumped up and tried to give her the Heimlich maneuver, only for her to throw up all over the table and stagger out of the place. I stood there as the waiter asked if I wanted to split the bill. FML

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

#21237562
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35008) - you deserved it (4977)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Aspen_Grace33's comment : I'm sure I'm going to be attacked by Miley fans, but Jimi and Miley aren't even in the same category!!! Maybe you shouldn't have restrained yourself!!!

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Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

#21237548
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37568) - you deserved it (5967)

On 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm - kids - by cahsecuel (woman) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, after having multiple dreams where I have a daughter with my boyfriend, I'm now emotionally attached to a child who isn't real, and I get depressed when I can't be with her in real life. FML

#21237524
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36278) - you deserved it (7792)

On 08/14/2014 at 3:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I excitedly told my family that, after years of studying and dedication, I've been awarded a full scholarship to Germany. My mom's reaction was to start sobbing about me becoming a "heathen" and my dad and brother started telling Nazi jokes. FML

#21237389
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39454) - you deserved it (3249)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:28am - misc - by UnSupported (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

#21237384
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36301) - you deserved it (4537)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:06am - animals - by hopeless romantic - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boss expects me to conduct a meeting with a client, give him all the info he needs, and manage his campaign. This is because he fired the "expensive" marketing director and wants me, the intern, to continue his work. FML

#21237282
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34742) - you deserved it (2756)

On 08/14/2014 at 6:31am - work - by givemestrength - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

#21237232
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38905) - you deserved it (2743)

On 08/14/2014 at 3:15am - work - by BrokeBride (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)



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