Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

by Chard of Glass / 10/04/2016 at 8:45am / Canada (Newfoundland) / Health

Today, I'm a college student. Just like every other goddamn day, my roommate set about twenty alarms a good two hours before she even needs to get up. She just sleeps through the first hour or so of alarms while I wake up. I've been waking up at 6 a.m., even though my first classes are at 9. FML.

by plzstop / 10/04/2016 at 7:03am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

inks98's comment : Have you thought about talking to your roommate? Maybe she'll understand if you ask her to set fewer alarms!

See all the comments

Today, while working at a bank, I helped a customer who was making a large withdrawal. After I counted out his money, I asked "Do you want the strap on?" After a moment of awkward silence, as I realized how that came out, he smiled and said, "No thanks, I don't need one." and winked. Great. FML

by StarDust5921 / 10/03/2016 at 9:55pm / United States (New York) / Work

Dreamsorrow93's comment : Wow shocking. A bank trying to shove more services down your throat.

See all the comments

Today, the family computer kept overheating. My four-year-old son thought the solution was to pour a nice, cold cup of water on it. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2016 at 7:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Eitanm's comment : Lol, everyone knows that you need Gatorade to cool down a computer. The electrolytes are good for it

See all the comments

Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time for a tampon change break!" FML

by Ketchup / 04/06/2016 at 3:06am / Finland (Western Finland)

Today, a customer at work asked me to ring her a taxi. The phone number she gave me was for a company 250 miles away. The woman on the other end thought I was deranged. FML

by rufus_t_firefly / 10/03/2016 at 2:48pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after creating a swear jar for my son, I came back to find a $20 bill in it and him saying, "How much does that buy?" FML

by padre74 / 10/03/2016 at 1:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I purpose woke up early so that I could be prepared for a class taught by a professor who thinks I'm an idiot. This professor was the first to tell me that I'm 2 hours early and asked very slowly if I know how schedules worked. She seriously sounded concerned. FML

by Ughhhhh / 10/03/2016 at 12:18pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I told my wife that she gets 100% of me and I keep nothing from her. She told me she doesn't want it and that I should get counseling. FML

by Rejected / 10/03/2016 at 12:00pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, while working the Sunday rush at the deli, I held up a piece of ham to a blind customer and asked him if it was thick enough. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2016 at 10:09am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy


Today, the owner of the house I'm renting said he doesn't want to pay $4000 to fumigate the home, and that he'll take care of the issue himself. I have killed 30 angry wasps in the last hour. There are thousands living in the walls, but I think their favorite place is my bathroom and my bed. FML

by wasp infestation / 10/03/2016 at 12:54am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, a street "musician" drummed on buckets directly outside my work for two hours. Right as I was about to lose it, he stopped playing. Within 5 minutes, someone else started playing the saxophone. FML

by bambisapphic / 10/02/2016 at 7:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.