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Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

by sari14 / 02/11/2010 at 1:14am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting lunch at a fast food restaurant. My boss was in front of me, and in order to get on his good side I offered to pay. Instead, I got fired because I guess my boss assumed I was making fun of his salary, which I knew nothing about. FML

by FOXYgrandpa441 / 07/18/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (Wyoming) / Work

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

by EpicFail / 01/24/2009 at 11:25pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

by rugernut13 / 10/16/2009 at 12:47am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

by kerripjones / 07/14/2015 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

by anonymous / 06/13/2012 at 12:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked a girl in my building out. She said yes, and told me her fee per hour. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2012 at 7:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

by NoorFML / 10/19/2012 at 10:37am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML

by ptarr12345 / 05/14/2015 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over the phone, after having left me to look after her dog while she went on a 2-week vacation with her family. Now I have to choose between paying for a kennel for her damn dog or taking care of it every day until she gets back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/28/2015 at 11:18am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

by not anymore / 10/30/2015 at 7:29pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 3:56am / United States (Nevada) / Work