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Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML

by MisterT / 05/18/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to see a once-in-a-lifetime moment when the Olympic torch passed through my town. I waited for 3 hours only to get a bruise from a man shoving me out of the way at the exact moment it went past. FML

by Notorch / 05/23/2012 at 11:53am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I accidentally Googled "best types of incest" instead of "best types of incense" on the family computer. The parental controls went nuts. I'm now grounded, and my parents are convinced I need psychiatric help. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 9:17am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

by umm / 12/08/2009 at 3:35pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

by blegh / 01/15/2009 at 11:57pm / Switzerland (Ticino) / Miscellaneous

Today, I moved back home because I got laid off and could no longer afford my apartment. I decided to take a nap and when I woke up I overheard my Mom telling my Aunt that she used to be so proud of me and wonders when I became such a loser. Burn. FML

by TotallyFkd / 01/22/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I went to the bathroom in a port-a-potty at a park, I forgot to lock the door. A little girl opens the door and then slams it right away. As she walked away I heard her say "no, there's a man in there". I'm a woman. FML

by crappy_day / 01/08/2010 at 9:09pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

by terrified / 08/08/2015 at 11:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2011 at 5:52pm / United States (Washington) / Money

Today, I came home to find a BMW partially blocking my driveway. I was already having a bad day, and was upset that some stuck up fool blocked my driveway, so I keyed the driver's side. 5 minutes later my parents show up. The BMW was a graduation gift for me. FML

by Stoopid / 07/07/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

by MafiaWarsWidow / 02/04/2010 at 8:35pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek

Today, I decided to start jogging to keep fit. I was passed about ten times by the same car, carrying four bozos whose vocabulary consisted only of, "TITTIES!" and copious amounts of giggling. FML

by dole_dosser / 07/27/2015 at 1:35am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Love