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Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML

#17441742
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22386) - you deserved it (4574)

On 08/11/2011 at 4:11pm - misc - by Michael tee - United States (Colorado)

Today, I joined a local interest website, hoping to make some friends in my area. I don't think I've ever met so many guys before who introduce themselves with pictures of their cocks. FML

#19678592
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22384) - you deserved it (5576)

On 05/25/2012 at 2:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to go on a diet to lose some weight before summer. This was followed by the arrival of a giant parcel full of candy from my mother. FML

#10481687
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22382) - you deserved it (5402)

On 05/12/2010 at 5:49am - health - by nick - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

#13722404
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22382) - you deserved it (4162)

On 11/05/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

#13457559
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22382) - you deserved it (3638)

On 10/15/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by IhatebeingtheDD - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

#8680968
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22380) - you deserved it (2718)

On 02/27/2010 at 1:36am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

#14574374
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22380) - you deserved it (3021)

On 01/14/2011 at 2:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my parents want me to become a lawyer, all because our family members keep getting into feuds and court cases. I'm a successful developer, and run my own company. FML

#18782870
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22379) - you deserved it (2153)

On 01/12/2012 at 5:14am - work - by me_the_maniak - India (Maharashtra)

Today, I was kneeling down at work to do some cleaning. My co-worker said, "Oh don't your knees hurt, kneeling like that for so long?" Without thinking how it sounded, I said, "Oh no, it's not a problem. I'm on my knees all the time." He's yet to stop hitting on me. FML

#1770571
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22378) - you deserved it (47190)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to Safeway. The security guard wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. When I confronted him about it he told me that they looked fake and he was making sure I didn't stuff my bra with stolen items. FML

#19725175
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22375) - you deserved it (4341)

On 06/03/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by ilovezim29 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up and went to go have a shower. The trouble is, my bedroom door is broken and will no longer open. My mother's idea of helping was pushing a note under the door saying she'll be back in a couple of hours. FML

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

#19482004
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22372) - you deserved it (1980)

On 04/17/2012 at 12:26am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

#7198601
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22370) - you deserved it (4026)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:44pm - work - by Mic (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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