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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML

#19254143
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22959) - you deserved it (3965)

On 03/10/2012 at 10:06pm - health - by jmac (man) - United States (California)

Today, I replaced my car's windscreen wipers, after someone stole the last pair. After I finished, I went indoors for a drink. When I returned, the new ones had been stolen too. FML

#19678491
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22959) - you deserved it (1936)

On 05/25/2012 at 1:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML

#857
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22958) - you deserved it (3983)

On 01/08/2009 at 6:21am - health - by depraved - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

#6695498
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22957) - you deserved it (12444)

On 12/10/2009 at 3:52pm - misc - by NotHauteCouture (woman) - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15 minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

#7364285
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22956) - you deserved it (5961)

On 01/15/2010 at 7:44pm - misc - by Bali_Boil (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I met my daughter's boyfriend, who she hopes to marry. I asked what he does, to which he answered, "I'm a Flamencologist." Flamencology? The study of Flamenco? Huh? FML

#14838369
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22953) - you deserved it (6386)

On 02/04/2011 at 10:01am - kids - by dancer101 (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

#18336172
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22953) - you deserved it (9407)

On 11/24/2011 at 11:06am - misc - by swirkishly - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

#20103879
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22951) - you deserved it (3171)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:28am - health - by EastOneTen - United States

Today, I went to choir rehearsal at 7:30 in the morning. When the guy I have a major crush on stood next to me, I got really excited, so I tried to sound good. After the song ended, he asked me if I wanted some gum to cover up my morning breath. FML

#19111360
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22948) - you deserved it (10288)

On 02/18/2012 at 11:03pm - love - by snowinggrey - United States

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

#20910594
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22948) - you deserved it (53315)

On 10/07/2013 at 3:37am - work - by bitch (woman) - Australia

Today, I once again used my phone to get out of a conversation with someone, instead of actually talking to someone on it. FML

#21298539
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22948) - you deserved it (6698)

On 11/13/2014 at 7:04pm - misc - by Jakeok (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

#19997037
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22947) - you deserved it (15715)

On 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to a dance and saw a really cute guy. Glow sticks were everywhere, so trying to be cute, I took a broken one and dripped some of the glowing liquid on my chest. It made him notice me, but only for him to point out that I'd managed to cut myself and was bleeding badly. FML

#20801095
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22946) - you deserved it (47806)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:05pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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