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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to the emergency room with chest pain. I didn't have a heart attack, but I now have a broken nose after passing out and face-planting in the waiting room. FML

#19952787
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17779) - you deserved it (1673)

On 07/18/2012 at 1:06am - health - by tm - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I lost my virginity to my long time boyfriend and found out I'm severely allergic to latex. I also found out that my family doctor had been transferred to the ER. He went to play golf with my dad later. FML

#7257583
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17775) - you deserved it (2884)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:36pm - intimacy - by Foxy (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

#8423454
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17775) - you deserved it (3685)

On 02/18/2010 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me, thinking it would be the nice thing to do I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow. FML

#828379
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17771) - you deserved it (59778)

On 04/06/2009 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML

#21238336
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17768) - you deserved it (34313)

On 08/15/2014 at 5:10pm - money - by thoughthewasjoking (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

#10748926
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17766) - you deserved it (51981)

On 05/25/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by laurenraeee - United States (Utah)

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17763) - you deserved it (32119)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)

Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML

#20060408
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17763) - you deserved it (4017)

On 09/06/2012 at 12:51pm - work - by SummerJob (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

#20132432
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17763) - you deserved it (4025)

On 10/25/2012 at 5:58am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17762) - you deserved it (50089)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML

#3604059
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17762) - you deserved it (56651)

On 07/09/2009 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, my Grandma was showing me an ancient family letter. It was apparently written by someone historically famous. She was going on about how important it was, in such good condition too, worth a lot. I dropped my glass of juice. It spilt all over it. FML

#101667
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17761) - you deserved it (41730)

On 02/22/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by damn-it (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

#4976961
419 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17759) - you deserved it (352604)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)



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