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Today, I got a really bad sunburn. On my eyelids. Who knew blinking could be so painful? FML

by donnap / 06/09/2012 at 1:54am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

by thatssickkk / 02/17/2010 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

by vkryss13 / 06/22/2015 at 3:10pm / Guam / Kids

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

by anonymous / 12/14/2010 at 6:52am / United States / Health

Today, I went to the gynecologist. As she was checking me out, she said, "Wow. So you must get wet a lot." It took me several minutes to realize she was talking about my job bathing dogs. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2012 at 7:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I found a parking ticket on my car. Out of five cars who were in violation of the same infraction, I was the only one who received a ticket. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2010 at 3:22pm / United States (South Carolina) / Transportation

Today, a little girl from my Sunday School class approached me and told me she had a stomach ache. She seemed very upset and her face was discolored so I took her to the nurse. While we were walking out the door, I looked down and saw a half-eaten crayon on the floor. That'll do it. FML

by drewcaver / 04/12/2015 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I was at K-Mart and saw an exact copy of my engagement ring for twenty bucks. The same one that had supposedly been in my fiancé's family for generations, and worth thousands. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2015 at 1:00pm / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, my dad tried to convince my mother to stay with him. "Think of all the great times we've had," he said and started naming off quite a few. Too bad none of them were about the three kids they had together, all were vacations. FML

by Mers / 02/10/2010 at 9:32am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I applied to live in a barn. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2011 at 1:39am / United States / Money

Today, I realised that I could see my own mustache out of my peripheral vision while I was eating. I'm a 23 year old woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2010 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was verbally abused by a guy in a 4-wheel-drive twat-tank for listening to music on my iPod while I was "blocking the way." I was standing on the footpath waiting for a bus. At a bus stop. FML

by Dave B / 11/25/2011 at 1:59am / Reserved / Transportation

Today, my young son swung a plastic pipe, it makes a kind of whistling sound as it spins around. I was standing a little too close, luckily it missed both my legs, but hit my happy sacks full on. FML

by Dr_Dolittle / 01/12/2010 at 10:27am / United Kingdom (Merseyside) / Kids