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Today, my cat has decided she can't eat unless I'm right there with her, so when she gets hungry she finds me and howls until I follow her to her food dish. She likes to eat pretty frequently, and I'm already getting a headache. FML

by VeganVampyre / 05/23/2015 at 1:07pm / Canada (Newfoundland) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

by wow / 05/05/2011 at 2:13am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing my guitar and singing on the street corner. I did earn money, when some guy threw a quarter out of his car window for me. It hit me in the face. I now have a circle shaped bruise under my eye. FML

by CircleBruise / 06/08/2010 at 7:58pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to an important job interview, only to be told I'm not what such a "prestigious" company was looking for. This from a pimply-faced 20-something who took a personal call on speakerphone mid-interview, and actually said "lmao" out loud at his friend's joke. FML

by jobless1 / 07/05/2015 at 12:04am / Work

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

by littlespoon / 02/04/2010 at 3:40am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML

by jacobianscum / 11/29/2015 at 2:05am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

by IhatebeingtheDD / 10/15/2010 at 10:08am / United States / Transportation

Today, I got attacked by my own dog. I don't know what will be harder, telling everyone how my dog thought I was a robber or explaining to them why a 25 year old man owns a poodle. FML

by Username / 04/13/2011 at 3:05am / Animals

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

by clumsy / 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised that I could see my own mustache out of my peripheral vision while I was eating. I'm a 23 year old woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2010 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

by Rech / 05/12/2009 at 7:09am / United States (Minnesota) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2010 at 1:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous