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Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

#20016902
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17282) - you deserved it (7212)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

#20030776
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17271) - you deserved it (8418)

On 08/19/2012 at 10:19pm - animals - by speshlk37 (man) - United States

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

#159589
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17268) - you deserved it (83387)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

#6687460
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17266) - you deserved it (3826)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

#20185421
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17264) - you deserved it (4259)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:29pm - misc - by so pray to ariel about it, dipshits (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML

#20076090
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17262) - you deserved it (1413)

On 09/17/2012 at 10:59am - misc - by Nickie809 - United States (Nevada)

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

#18530
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17261) - you deserved it (37013)

On 02/09/2009 at 8:50pm - misc - by Ab (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like his grandma's house. FML

#19477089
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17260) - you deserved it (4317)

On 04/16/2012 at 2:53am - misc - by hdgyfjdzdfg (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend confronted me for forgetting to take the trash out. At some point during the argument, I tried to calm her down, and the words "I should of" escaped my lips. She spent the next ten minutes calling me stupid and laughing at how my grammar goes to hell when I'm distressed. FML

#20185423
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17260) - you deserved it (4233)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30pm - love - by Gus (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my 5-year-old, overweight Siberian Husky tackled me because he thought that my lipstick was food. FML

#20091999
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17259) - you deserved it (5638)

On 09/28/2012 at 6:53am - animals - by emilyhendrix0414 - United States

Today, I was at the airport to catch a plane. It was very crowded at the gate and there was nowhere to sit except for a flat metal bench, so I sat on that. Turns out I was sitting on a luggage scale, so my weight was displayed for everybody to see. FML

#3921991
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17252) - you deserved it (41951)

On 07/21/2009 at 2:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

#16501427
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17250) - you deserved it (30319)

On 06/04/2011 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML

#18896901
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17246) - you deserved it (30889)

On 01/24/2012 at 3:50am - intimacy - by elisimo - United States (New York)



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