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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

#20066967
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25835) - you deserved it (6944)

On 09/10/2012 at 11:13pm - love - by TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

#21440033
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25835) - you deserved it (2745)

On 07/11/2015 at 1:20pm - misc - by whymomwhy (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML

#8125309
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25834) - you deserved it (7630)

On 02/11/2010 at 8:33am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

#21385709
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25834) - you deserved it (10812)

On 04/01/2015 at 1:46pm - work - by TecheyTim - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to get a piece of glass out of my big toe. After an hour of poking and prodding, I finally got it out only for it to fall on the floor where I couldn't find it. Not five minutes later, I stepped on it again. FML

#21425769
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25834) - you deserved it (6747)

On 06/14/2015 at 2:35am - health - by flipflap (woman) -

Today, I went to an important job interview, only to be told I'm not what such a "prestigious" company was looking for. This from a pimply-faced 20-something who took a personal call on speakerphone mid-interview, and actually said "lmao" out loud at his friend's joke. FML

#21436559
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25834) - you deserved it (1968)

On 07/05/2015 at 12:04am - work - by jobless1 (man) -

Today, I applied to live in a barn. FML

#17554659
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25833) - you deserved it (8331)

On 08/23/2011 at 1:39am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

#20488708
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25833) - you deserved it (38629)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Master Debater (man) - Australia

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

#8965492
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25831) - you deserved it (3513)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by misty_love (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had to point out the "no shirt, no shoes, no service" sign at my work to an extremely old, seemingly intoxicated man wearing an ill fitting speedo. FML

#14509671
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25830) - you deserved it (2385)

On 01/08/2011 at 3:35pm - work - by niiiiiiiiiikki - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

#19308008
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25829) - you deserved it (7605)

On 03/19/2012 at 4:18pm - kids - by Evelyn - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't know what I was going to do over the Christmas holidays since he was going to be out of the country. He suggested that I work out and do some sit-ups. FML

#18550542
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25828) - you deserved it (8286)

On 12/19/2011 at 1:31am - love - by Doy (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

#19249528
608 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25827) - you deserved it (57158)

On 03/10/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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