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Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

#7162537
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19810) - you deserved it (3152)

On 01/05/2010 at 11:22am - intimacy - by me (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm and cause cancer. FML

#18956163
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19807) - you deserved it (4536)

On 01/30/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by dumb mother (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was awoken by a conversation my mom was having with my dog upstairs. She was telling my dog that a ghost lives in our house. She was completely serious. The ghost even has a name and a backstory. FML

#8989012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19805) - you deserved it (2264)

On 03/11/2010 at 12:30am - animals - by stuckathome (man) - United States

Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML

#1701817
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19803) - you deserved it (65312)

On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss got a promotion and I got laid off. FML

#837
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19802) - you deserved it (1732)

On 01/01/2009 at 1:21pm - work - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

#5889966
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19802) - you deserved it (2451)

On 10/19/2009 at 12:32am - intimacy - by Joe (man) - Cambodia (Phnum Penh)

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

#13446439
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19802) - you deserved it (7652)

On 10/14/2010 at 3:02pm - work - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML

#19098122
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19801) - you deserved it (2075)

On 02/17/2012 at 1:22am - work - by Christinemh329 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19801) - you deserved it (36475)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently my nose hair scares him. FML

#19238495
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19798) - you deserved it (12103)

On 03/08/2012 at 9:30am - love - by hairy (woman) - Serbia

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19797) - you deserved it (40634)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

#20092583
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19794) - you deserved it (7455)

On 09/28/2012 at 6:21pm - misc - by GEE, THANKS DAD (woman) - United States

Today, during a basketball game, I fell into metal chairs which then decided to fold in, causing me to fall to the floor in a very dramatic and painful fall. When I stood up, so did everyone else and they were all clapping, including the other team. FML

#7925072
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19793) - you deserved it (2960)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:25am - health - by aurorason - Sent from mobile version



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