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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was so excited to hear my phone get a message that I jumped out of my seat. It was the TV, advertising texting plans. FML

#19374122
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17579) - you deserved it (4428)

On 03/30/2012 at 1:10am - misc - by Anon (woman) - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

#15165919
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17573) - you deserved it (83034)

On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a guy at work told me to, "Relax, dude", All. Day. Long. FML

#8622338
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17572) - you deserved it (5232)

On 02/24/2010 at 7:57pm - work - by Herman - Sent from mobile version

Today, I paid top dollar for an Italian soda that ended up consisting almost entirely of ice. When I complained, the girl insisted that the soda water stopped the ice from melting. She said she didn't see what the problem was, and threatened to have me thrown out if I didn't "simmer down." FML

#19352792
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17563) - you deserved it (4570)

On 03/26/2012 at 6:33pm - money - by Sharkie49 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

#14672798
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17562) - you deserved it (49336)

On 01/22/2011 at 11:04am - intimacy - by mortified (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

#19395712
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17562) - you deserved it (2807)

On 04/02/2012 at 3:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

#1527
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17560) - you deserved it (1592)

On 01/17/2009 at 11:00pm - work - by IHateMyJob - United Kingdom (Edinburgh)

Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML

#20109009
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17556) - you deserved it (6961)

On 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I didn't have plans on shaving my pubic hair. My girlfriend's braces thought otherwise. FML

#18899300
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17555) - you deserved it (35164)

On 01/24/2012 at 3:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

#19571944
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17554) - you deserved it (1580)

On 05/04/2012 at 3:19am - love - by Queen_Dread - United States (Washington)

Today, I had the contraceptive implant removed from my arm after having had it in for three years. I was one of the unlucky people whose body sticks to it. It took half an hour to cut and pull a tiny little stick out of my arm. FML

#19954412
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17554) - you deserved it (2269)

On 07/18/2012 at 12:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Darlington)

Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML

#2522
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17552) - you deserved it (3386)

On 01/25/2009 at 11:47am - love - by thesporkhop - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

#3778
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17552) - you deserved it (2458)

On 01/30/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)



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