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Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

#7565920
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16664) - you deserved it (2143)

On 01/25/2010 at 8:32am - intimacy - by emergency (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

#20138654
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16663) - you deserved it (4230)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

#8630482
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16660) - you deserved it (23766)

On 02/25/2010 at 12:09am - misc - by Lespoon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend looked at me and suggestively told me to take a shower. He's leaving for two days so I humored him, thinking he wanted to do it in the shower. I waited for 20 minutes before he knocked on the door, telling me he needed to shower as well. He just wanted me to take a shower. FML

#11834698
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16657) - you deserved it (24940)

On 07/12/2010 at 7:15pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went on a blind date for coffee. He was smart, good looking, and friendly. While we were talking about our respective families it became abundantly clear that I have heard these stories before. I realized that 6 months earlier I had been dumped by his brother after sleeping with him. FML

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

#19802218
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16656) - you deserved it (1911)

On 06/17/2012 at 3:38pm - work - by Megan (woman) - United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot)

Today, I had to explain to my friend that being arrested isn't something a decent person should have on their bucket list. I had to explain this while bailing her out of jail. FML

#20002792
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16654) - you deserved it (1959)

On 08/04/2012 at 8:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend told me I was almost perfect. And the only reason I'm not completely perfect is because I don't like Mountain Dew. FML

#19837078
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16653) - you deserved it (25614)

On 06/24/2012 at 1:01am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

#19387601
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16651) - you deserved it (30003)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I accidentally unplugged my headphones in the quiet section of the library, causing my music to play from my laptop at full volume. I was listening to Celine Dion. I'm the captain of the football team. FML

#14044
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16641) - you deserved it (45543)

On 02/07/2009 at 9:31pm - misc - by misc - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after 7 hours on my feet at work, my boyfriend picked me up. Relieved, I took off my shoes. Suddenly, he looked up and sniffed asking,"are those your feet?" I had forgotten to put on socks in my rush to work. He made me put my shoes back on and sit in the back, windows open. FML

#2300896
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16636) - you deserved it (42310)

On 05/26/2009 at 2:10am - love - by Socklessandsmelly (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML

#3933300
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16631) - you deserved it (35396)

On 07/21/2009 at 4:22pm - health - by torkx3 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

#20087864
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16624) - you deserved it (2615)

On 09/25/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by oreoblizzard619 (man) - United States



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