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Today, it started raining unexpectedly. My daughter and I didn't have an umbrella, so my daughter raised one of my big flabby arms and put it over her head to protect her from the rain. It worked. FML

by letsloseweight / 07/13/2009 at 7:30am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Health

Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML

by ROLLY / 03/03/2010 at 3:35pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my younger brother brought home his new bagpipes. My older brother plays the drums. I'm currently preparing to sit the most important exams of my schooling life. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 8:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 1:07pm / United States / Health

Today, I got home to find my entire video game collection and all my consoles had been stolen. Two weeks ago I brought them back from my University accommodation, specifically to stop them from being stolen while I was at home for the Christmas holiday. FML

by greatstartto2010 / 01/02/2010 at 7:35pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

by mmromig / 02/08/2011 at 9:46am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health

Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML

by wow kid just leave me alone / 09/14/2012 at 8:03pm / United States / Love

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

by imsorrytimmy / 04/02/2009 at 11:34am / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered the top I'm wearing becomes completely see-through when it rains. I just got caught in a storm on my lunch break, and still have 3 hours of work to go in my male dominated office. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 2:37am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 4:50am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

by screwedupfuck / 03/27/2015 at 5:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, at a family dinner, my mom announced that my newborn brother was named after his father. His name is Kevin. My dad's name is Michael. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2015 at 3:23am / Maldives (Maale) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I left the restaurant, the very handsome waiter whom I had been trying to tune all night says to me, in front of everyone "But why did you write your number on the table with hearts next to it? You know, I won't call you!" FML

by Peel / 12/12/2008 at 11:53pm / Love