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Today, I was on a scavenger hunt. One of the things on the list was to ask a stranger to marry them. I saw an old lady in a wheel chair; I tried to make her day by asking her to marry me. She declined and attempted to run me over with her wheel chair. FML

#20573755
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21966) - you deserved it (31143)

On 04/03/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by nickcedola40 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

#20484067
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21964) - you deserved it (7980)

On 01/28/2013 at 11:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

#5136668
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21963) - you deserved it (4371)

On 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm - intimacy - by awkwardbf (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was changing my son's diaper when he said "Momma." Astonished that he'd finally spoken, I clapped and smiled proudly. My clap scared the crap out of him. Literally. FML

#20004599
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21962) - you deserved it (4512)

On 08/05/2012 at 9:10pm - kids - by milf - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about extinct peoples, and I said how close the Jewish people came to becoming one. She condescendingly told me they don't exist anymore. When I asked what she was talking about, I realized she was confusing them with the Vikings. What the hell? FML

#20126556
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21962) - you deserved it (2773)

On 10/21/2012 at 12:00pm - misc - by tempted to become single (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

#20060710
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21962) - you deserved it (9013)

On 09/06/2012 at 5:50pm - love - by WaxOnWaxOff - United States (Colorado)

Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

#20062193
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21962) - you deserved it (4525)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was planning to start my fitness regime and lose weight, using the bike that had been lying unused in my garden for the past six months. Tonight, the bike was stolen from my garden. FML

#18802834
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21957) - you deserved it (5694)

On 01/14/2012 at 2:51am - misc - by baby shak - United States

Today, I slept over at a friend's house. We decided to dress up as ninjas and play a trick on her younger brothers, sleeping in the basement. While sneaking down the stairs, in the dark, her mother came home. Thinking I was a robber, she beat me with a lamp. FML

#158758
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21956) - you deserved it (39397)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by RosaP (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the man I went on a date with a few weeks ago finally called me back. I was his "one phone call" from prison. FML

#19980162
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21956) - you deserved it (2090)

On 07/23/2012 at 7:06pm - love - by Rose (woman) - United States

Today, I discovered my son, who has recently moved out of our home, eating his dog's food. His excuse? He wanted the new Pokemon game, and "compromises had to be made". FML

#20122132
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21958) - you deserved it (2773)

On 10/18/2012 at 4:33am - kids - by anon - Australia

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

#19526031
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21955) - you deserved it (2694)

On 04/25/2012 at 2:46am - work - by foshizzle (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

#20442267
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21957) - you deserved it (11711)

On 01/04/2013 at 5:13am - health - by idiot - Sweden



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