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Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20504) - you deserved it (2357)
On 01/24/2015 at 4:40pm - love - by whitebitch16 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20496) - you deserved it (2216)
On 02/16/2012 at 2:52am - animals - by JukeboxValkyrie (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20493) - you deserved it (4719)
On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20492) - you deserved it (41031)
On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)
Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20490) - you deserved it (1821)
On 04/18/2012 at 9:15pm - work - by What? (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boss got a promotion and I got laid off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20486) - you deserved it (1797)
On 01/01/2009 at 1:21pm - work - by - Sent from mobile version
Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20484) - you deserved it (36756)
On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)
Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20483) - you deserved it (3615)
On 01/14/2012 at 8:24pm - misc - by 2gewd4u - United States (Texas)
Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20482) - you deserved it (2918)
On 04/05/2012 at 12:13am - work - by Kait - United States
Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20533) - you deserved it (12154)
On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20481) - you deserved it (2347)
On 10/15/2012 at 4:33am - misc - by triple l (woman) - United States
Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20477) - you deserved it (4344)
On 09/12/2010 at 7:34am - money - by concernedson - Australia (Victoria)
Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20472) - you deserved it (3056)
On 12/30/2008 at 6:16am - work - by - Sent from mobile version
Thursday 22 January 2015
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