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Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML

by DietKelp / 10/23/2015 at 6:30am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

by Flubber / 02/07/2009 at 12:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

by notagoodtime / 02/06/2016 at 3:52pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boss went out for a few hours. My coworkers saw this as an opportunity to take a 2 hour lunch without getting caught. I stayed at the office to answer the phone, while streaming videos which is a big no no. My boss came back early and caught me, they're all still taking lunch. FML

by melly / 12/14/2010 at 2:10pm / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

by MissArizona / 08/08/2011 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to make a good impression and be helpful, I volunteered to look after my manager's cat while she moves house. The cat hasn't stopped meowing since he got here this evening, it's now 4 am and I have work in the morning. FML

by leahneedssleep / 07/11/2011 at 6:53am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, I went to see a once-in-a-lifetime moment when the Olympic torch passed through my town. I waited for 3 hours only to get a bruise from a man shoving me out of the way at the exact moment it went past. FML

by Notorch / 05/23/2012 at 11:53am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a car accident. In the same place, at the same time, and with the same friend in the passenger seat as last week. FML

by Steve / 09/30/2011 at 6:18am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Transportation

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

by Sack / 11/10/2011 at 6:16am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on hold with a company for so long that I was able to shower, clean my house, and was using the hold music to put my son to sleep. FML

by ShroomSalad / 08/17/2015 at 6:11pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

by MafiaWarsWidow / 02/04/2010 at 8:35pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek

Today, I was in the shower getting ready for a date, when my older sister thought it would be a laugh to turn out the light. Getting out of the shower to turn it back on, I slipped and hit on my head on the counter. Thanks, sis. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2010 at 2:06pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous

Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2011 at 5:08pm / United Kingdom / Love