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Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

#15698653
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18130) - you deserved it (33618)

On 04/08/2011 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

#4360788
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18130) - you deserved it (51267)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:09pm - love - by accidentalslut (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was playing an online game in nothing but my boxers, when suddenly a girl joined my team. I immediately felt embarrassed and put some pants on. There were no webcams involved. I need to get out more. FML

#19713389
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18129) - you deserved it (11980)

On 06/01/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by furred (man) - Philippines

Today, between my cats scratching every surface they can find, my boyfriend's snoring, and the dog barking at every slight noise outside, I'm unlikely to ever get more than 3 hours of sleep at a time. FML

#14459175
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18124) - you deserved it (5435)

On 01/04/2011 at 2:30am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

#18217902
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18124) - you deserved it (76728)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, the only thing that cheered me up was a documentary about IKEA, and seeing how my furniture was made. FML

#19181492
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18123) - you deserved it (3719)

On 02/28/2012 at 10:51am - misc - by sadgirl (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

#20166731
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18124) - you deserved it (1884)

On 11/17/2012 at 1:35pm - work - by overpriced coffee shop worker - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML

#13655467
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18122) - you deserved it (23460)

On 10/30/2010 at 10:14pm - love - by yummy(: - United States (Tennessee)

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

#20543184
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18120) - you deserved it (35252)

On 03/14/2013 at 6:52am - health - by jen (woman) - United States

Today, my football team played in a game against our rival school that was just a few blocks away. We hadn't lost the game in exactly 49 years, we were playing for the 50th year win. We lost 63-0, and got booed off the field by our own crowd. FML

#5478797
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18115) - you deserved it (33519)

On 09/26/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by Fmycar - United States (California)

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

#20691712
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18115) - you deserved it (43828)

On 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

#20885867
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18115) - you deserved it (36491)

On 09/17/2013 at 10:17pm - love - by lola1313 - United States (Illinois)

Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

#20420433
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18114) - you deserved it (50117)

On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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