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Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

#21343548
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20504) - you deserved it (2357)

On 01/24/2015 at 4:40pm - love - by whitebitch16 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

#8119072
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20493) - you deserved it (4719)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

#20470654
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20492) - you deserved it (41031)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML

#19492319
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20490) - you deserved it (1821)

On 04/18/2012 at 9:15pm - work - by What? (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boss got a promotion and I got laid off. FML

#837
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20486) - you deserved it (1797)

On 01/01/2009 at 1:21pm - work - by - Sent from mobile version

Today, I got a tattoo of the snake and staff medical symbol on my wrist. Now everyone keeps asking what illness I have; they think it's a medical bracelet substitute. FML

#20666917
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20484) - you deserved it (36756)

On 05/16/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by Calaraphea (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, I walked in on my sister sitting on the toilet, trying to use "The Force" to pull over the toilet paper roll sitting on the sink. FML

#18808709
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20483) - you deserved it (3615)

On 01/14/2012 at 8:24pm - misc - by 2gewd4u - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cleaning the windows at work and a guy walked in so I opened the door for him. After I opened the door, he stood there with his eyes closed and his arms open. I thought he wanted a hug so I hugged him. Apparently he wanted me to spray him with Windex. FML

#19409952
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20482) - you deserved it (2918)

On 04/05/2012 at 12:13am - work - by Kait - United States

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20533) - you deserved it (12154)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML

#20117729
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20481) - you deserved it (2347)

On 10/15/2012 at 4:33am - misc - by triple l (woman) - United States

Today, while my mom was out, my family agreed upon the assumption that she has a "shopping problem." I argued against it for quite a while, until she pulled up minutes later with a what seemed like a life-time supply of canned condensed milk. FML

#13016642
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20477) - you deserved it (4344)

On 09/12/2010 at 7:34am - money - by concernedson - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after going to college for 5 years to become an architect I discover my plumber makes more than I do. FML

#761
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20472) - you deserved it (3056)

On 12/30/2008 at 6:16am - work - by - Sent from mobile version



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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