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Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

#21441357
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24082) - you deserved it (19822)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:03am - intimacy - by EternalBlossom (woman) - United States

Today, after an amazing sex session, my boyfriend rolls over and stares lovingly into my eyes, puts his hand on my cheek caressing it tenderly... and says "Who's a good piggy?" in his best Homer Simpson's voice. FML

#5562076
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24078) - you deserved it (4494)

On 09/30/2009 at 4:28am - intimacy - by homersgirl (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

#5385782
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24077) - you deserved it (41176)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:02am - love - by anonymouss (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

#7604167
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24075) - you deserved it (2839)

On 01/27/2010 at 12:25am - money - by boned (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

#17710683
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24076) - you deserved it (14396)

On 09/10/2011 at 11:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

#3008
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24074) - you deserved it (2613)

On 01/28/2009 at 8:38am - misc - by razzmataz - United States (California)

Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML

#18078433
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24071) - you deserved it (3254)

On 10/26/2011 at 2:36am - work - by insanitycalling - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

#19655658
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24070) - you deserved it (7292)

On 05/21/2012 at 1:56am - intimacy - by morethanredhands -

Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview at 9:30. I went to Walmart. They told me they didn't have any interviews set up. I went back home and listened to the voice-mail on her cellphone. It was the Subway in Walmart. I've been looking for a job for 3 months. FML

#19232064
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24069) - you deserved it (4812)

On 03/07/2012 at 6:14am - work - by Jake (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

#20141147
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24069) - you deserved it (2908)

On 10/31/2012 at 12:22am - love - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the beach with my boyfriend in Key West. I had gotten a bikini wax and new swimsuit for the occasion. My boyfriend was being romantic until he pulled a long hair from a mole on my leg. It's all fun and games until the mole starts bleeding, profusely. FML

#8510516
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24067) - you deserved it (3936)

On 02/21/2010 at 7:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm spending time with my granny, with whom I'm supposed to live with for a few weeks. I've noticed that she repeats the last word of every sentence I say, and now I'm wondering how it's possible for me to now be so horrible that I want to punch a sweet 92-year-old lady in the head. FML

#18387979
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24067) - you deserved it (5137)

On 11/29/2011 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)



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