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Today, I was on the phone to my boyfriend in England. I live in Australia. What did he talk about for 15 minutes straight? Mafia Wars on Facebook and how far he had got. FML

by MafiaWarsWidow / 02/04/2010 at 8:35pm / Australia (Victoria) / Geek

Today, I attended a job fair for a position at a shop. I was the only one who showed and submitted an application. I didn't get the job. FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2010 at 8:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

by Username / 04/21/2011 at 2:30pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 1:07pm / United States / Health

Today, it appears that it's Single Loser Awareness Day. FML

by crazytown62 / 02/14/2012 at 10:32am / United States / Love

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2011 at 2:38am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation

Today, my dad shaved his head. This wouldn't be so bad if he didn't expect me to address him as "Captain Picard" 24/7 now. He won't answer me otherwise. FML

by MissArizona / 08/08/2011 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, in my architecture class, my professor's lecture consisted of a list of movies and books which feature characters who are architects. I couldn't leave because I needed the attendance points, and it lasted 45 minutes. I paid out of state tuition for this. FML

by seriously wtf / 03/07/2013 at 10:18pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's "family fun night." We're pulling weeds. FML

by Suzie Leone / 01/23/2012 at 10:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I've been moved out for a few years, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML

by I'm an adult! / 07/02/2015 at 3:16pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, at a family dinner, my mom announced that my newborn brother was named after his father. His name is Kevin. My dad's name is Michael. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2015 at 3:23am / Maldives (Maale) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML

by Flubber / 02/07/2009 at 12:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

by rejected / 04/23/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy