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Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML

#8085634
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18457) - you deserved it (5921)

On 02/10/2010 at 10:08am - intimacy - by ryan - United States

Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML

#10666872
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18456) - you deserved it (32447)

On 05/21/2010 at 11:01am - love - by finalssuck - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML

#11322556
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18456) - you deserved it (27951)

On 06/20/2010 at 12:11am - health - by LoveYouTooMa (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at college, I found a lanyard with some keys and a YMCA member's card attached. Hoping to find contact details, I googled the name on the back of the card, just in time for him to return and see me looking through his Facebook profile like some kind of stalker. FML

#17760345
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18457) - you deserved it (11248)

On 09/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML

#19002086
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18454) - you deserved it (4503)

On 02/05/2012 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I reached into my pocket and found my mom's car keys. I'm a four hour drive away, and she obviously can't come to pick them up. FML

#13606061
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18453) - you deserved it (6423)

On 10/26/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by DriveMeNot (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18451) - you deserved it (3593)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

#21269342
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18452) - you deserved it (30861)

On 10/02/2014 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I woke up to find that the large container of leftover beef stroganoff that I put down the garbage disposal last night had backed up into my bathtub this morning. FML

#895
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18450) - you deserved it (3175)

On 01/09/2009 at 6:21am - misc - by Noname - United States (California)

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

#11548771
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18449) - you deserved it (25093)

On 06/29/2010 at 8:39pm - misc - by Tp (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

#19457431
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18449) - you deserved it (6306)

On 04/12/2012 at 7:53pm - misc - by questionmark707 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

#6574517
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18447) - you deserved it (10294)

On 12/02/2009 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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